


A Broken Silence

by onecalledkatie (celluloiddreams)



Category: Anne of Green Gables (TV 1985) & Related Fandoms, Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2020-11-23 02:36:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 52,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20884757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celluloiddreams/pseuds/onecalledkatie
Summary: A modern day re-imagining of Anne of the Island.  Some events that transpired in AoGG and AoA have not/will not occur in this story.  Characters will include some originals from Anne with an E.  Inspiration was drawn from the books, the 80s mini series, and Anne with an E.Anne heads off to Redmond in this modern-day tale that spans all four years of study.  She'll meet new friends, get reacquainted with old ones, and perhaps, find herself along the way.





	1. Prologue

Prologue

The cliffs overlooking the Atlantic Ocean were capped with grass so tall that it easily brushed against her knees as she raced toward the edge. She had lost track of the number of times she retreated to this peaceful oasis since she first arrived in Avonlea, but this time was different. Before now, it was about the view—the tranquility of the undisturbed land that transported her to an age well before her own: a time when one wasn’t ruled by technology or obligated to maintain a constant connection to the world around them. No, whenever she came here, she eagerly escaped the modern-day world. She was free to let her imagination roam, to dream of distant lands, of people who had long since left this realm, of time periods well out of her reach. She had always felt free here; however, this time, the trip to her private sanctuary didn’t bring her the peacefulness she sought. No. This time she felt a sense of urgency, a sudden desperation to get as close to the edge as humanly possible. The view of the ocean was perfect from even twenty yards back, but today, she needed to get closer, to watch the waves as they violently crashed against the rocks below.

She had always been fascinated by the way the ocean’s waves collapsed against the shore. She had witnessed its movements at high tide, when the water would swallow up the rocks below. She had also been there countless times during low tide, as the ocean seemed to stretch itself out as far as it could just to kiss the grains of sand that lined the shore.

She felt connected to this little spot from the moment she first laid eyes on it, and now, she felt just as much at home here as she was in her bedroom. This little patch of earth was where she fled to whenever she sought any sort of inspiration; whether it was to write, to dream, to craft a world entirely of her own choosing.

As the wind whipped around her, she stretched her arms out and closed her eyes. As much as she loved Avonlea, she had to admit that she needed to leave—but only for a little while. This quaint little town on Prince Edward Island had been her safe haven from the harsh realities she was forced to endure during the first eleven years of her existence, but lately, she had begun to feel restless. But not when she was here; never when she was here. This place would always feel like home, no matter how far she roamed. Here, on this small patch of earth at the edge of Avonlea, laid seven years of memories she wouldn’t take back for the world. Here, on this small cliff, she was free to let her imagination soar to the furthest corners of the earth. Here, she was free to be exactly who she was.

She slowly opened her eyes upon the realization that she wasn’t entirely sure who she was now. She had been so self-assured when she first arrived at Green Gables. Even at the tender age of eleven, she thought she knew who she was and what she wanted out of life, but the more she learned and the more she grew, the more confused she became about the world around her. She had chosen her course of study long before she ever decided which university to attend, but now that the time had come to actually begin her studies at Redmond, she wondered if she had made the right decision.

_‘Oh,’_ she mused as she tilted her head back and looked up at the crystal blue sky above her. _‘To be a bird. To have no responsibilities. To be able to take flight at a moment’s notice. To be able to see the world from a different point of view.’_ She closed her eyes once more as a smile danced across her lips. She could practically envision it. Where would she go to first? Where would she end up?

Just as she was about to take flight, an annoyingly familiar sound brought her crashing back down to reality. Instead of opening her eyes, she knit her eyebrows together in concentration. She was almost there. She could almost feel her feet leave the earth, but the irritating sound behind her persisted. She sighed and unenthusiastically opened her eyes before she spun around and reached for her purse. She riffled through the contents of the bag for a moment before she finally pulled out her cell phone. Her frown slowly disappeared into a smile when she realized who had interrupted her fantasy. “Hi Di,” she greeted cheerfully.

“Anne Shirley Cuthbert, where are you,” Diana Barry huffed in mild annoyance as she stomped toward her car. “I came to Green Gables to pick you up, but Marilla said you already left.”

“Yeah, I,” Anne glanced at the space around her, “I went for a walk and…I guess I lost track of time.”

Diana cracked a smile as she slid into her car. At least she had thought to bring her phone with her this time. “Where are you now?”

Anne chewed on her bottom lip as she turned to face the ocean once more. “I’m at the cliff.”

Diana knit her eyebrows together as her smile faltered. “Is everything ok?”

“Yeah,” Anne nodded as her gaze fell to the grass. “I just needed…a minute, I guess.” _‘To say goodbye.’_

“You really don’t want to go tonight, do you?”

“No. No, it’s not that,” she lied as she tucked a small section of her red hair behind her ear. “I just wanted to come out here one more time before I leave tomorrow.” She waited a beat. “I’m fine. Really.”

Four months ago, Anne could proudly proclaim that she had never once lied to her best friend. She had never once felt the need to until—well, until that night. While Marilla had always instilled in her that ‘honesty was the best policy’, she also taught Anne that sometimes it was ok to lie in order to protect someone from the truth. That’s all Anne was doing—protecting Diana. At least, that’s what she told herself every single day since that horrible night. She was surprised that Diana hadn’t caught on to the fact that she had been keeping something from her. Anne figured that since they were kindred spirits, Diana would easily be able to see through her facade, but she hadn’t.

And Anne hated it.

And she hated him for making her do it. 

Ever since that awful night, it had become easier and easier for Anne to lie to Diana. Not about anything major—save from that first lie of omission. It was the little things, such as saying that she was fine when she really wasn’t. It wasn’t like she wanted to lie to Diana. It was just that she didn’t want to burden her best friend with the homesickness she already felt. Ever since the day they met, they fell in sync with one another; however, they couldn’t possibly be any more different. Diana came from a life full of privilege while Anne was bounced around countless foster homes and orphanages until she finally landed on Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert’s doorstep. Anne had been completely alone in the world, but by a stroke of luck (and a huge misunderstanding), there she was seven years later: about to attend Redmond University.

She knew she had been one of the lucky ones. When she first landed at Green Gables—what everyone in town affectionately called the Cuthbert’s farm—she knew it had to be too good to be true, and at first, it was. Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert, an elderly pair of siblings, wanted to foster a young boy, but instead, because of some sort of computer error that was never fully explained, they ended up with Anne. At first, Marilla balked at the idea of keeping her. She was fully prepared to take in a boy, but a girl was an entirely different undertaking. She had heard from her best friend, Rachel Lynde, that adopting a girl would only cause misery for them since orphan girls were wild, vengeful creatures. Thankfully for Anne though, Matthew felt differently. They bonded from the moment he first picked her up at the orphanage. Instead of pointing out the error while he was there, he decided to take Anne home and discuss the matter with Marilla. It took Marilla a little longer to come around to the idea of keeping Anne—nearly a month.

As Anne slung her bag over her shoulder, she remembered exactly how she felt when Marilla told her that she and Matthew wanted to legally adopt her. It was everything Anne had ever wanted.

She finally had a family.

She finally had a home.

Unfortunately, Anne knew she would have to leave that home in order to pursue a dream that she—at one time—believed would never come to fruition while she lived at the orphanage. She was headed off to Redmond. While she was anxious about what the future held for her, she lamented the fact that by this time tomorrow, she would have said goodbye to the only world she had ever found love in.

Her hectic schedule over the last several weeks managed to keep her mind off of her impending departure. While in high school, she and a group of friends organized a committee dedicated to raise money in order to make improvements to the community she so dearly loved. They called it the Avonlea Village Improvement Society. Even though Avonlea was technically a town now, Avonlea Village Improvement Society sounded so much more appealing than the Avonlea Town Improvement Society. Anne had spent the majority of the last three summers working on various projects and fundraising efforts for the group. As one of the founding members, she made it her mission to do enough work to make it easier on the next batch of officers, who had officially begun their duties three days ago.

That evening, the A.V.I.S was hosting a party in honor of all members who were headed off to university, and while Anne was flattered that they would have a party (partially) in her honor, she wasn’t exactly in the mood to celebrate. She was already homesick for Avonlea and Green Gables. She already missed Marilla, Matthew, and Diana. She didn’t want to celebrate her departure. She just wanted more time with those she was leaving behind.

Anne spotted Diana’s car as it flew down the dirt path that led to the cliff. Her eyes widened in horror as Diana skidded to a stop and dirt from the red earth underneath billowed up all around the red convertible. “And people think I’m crazy,” the redhead chuckled as she walked toward her best friend’s car.

Diana ran her fingers through her dark hair as she studied her best friend’s appearance. “Aren’t you going to change?”

Anne glanced down at the denim cut-off shorts and light blue tank top she wore. She pursed her lips as she looked up at her best friend. “I told you that I lost track of time.”

Diana smirked. “Well, lucky for you, I know my best friend like I know the back of my hand, so while I was at Green Gables, I went into your closet and picked out something.”

“My closet,” Anne wryly smiled. She knew that 90% of her closet was already packed up for her journey tomorrow. “You picked out something for me to wear from my closet.”

Diana stared at Anne for a long moment before she finally snickered. “Ok. Fine. So, it came from my closet.”

Anne shook her head as she opened the passenger side door and climbed into the car. “No matter how hard you try, Di, I’ll never look as refined as you. I will always be plain, old unromantic Anne Shirley Cuthbert.”

“Oh please,” Diana scoffed. “You couldn’t be plain if you tried, Anne. Besides, I feel like you could show up to the party in a potato sack and a few certain somebodies wouldn’t even notice.”

It was Anne’s turn to scoff. Not this again. “You’re ridiculous. You know that?”

“I know what I see,” Diana responded in a sing-song voice. “And what I’ve heard. Jane told me all about—“

“You’re wrong,” Anne interrupted with the same melody. 

“We’ll see,” the brunette grinned before she tossed her hair over her shoulder. “You know, since we’re on the subject, I have to admit that I’m surprised nothing has happened between the two of you this summer. I mean, being the President and Vice-President of the AVIS led to some pretty late nights, not to mention that little incident at the lake…”

Anne gripped the door handle as Diana quickly spun the car around and peeled out of the dirt path. Once they were back on the main road, Anne slightly relaxed. “And that should tell you everything you need to know. Clearly, whatever you think is going on, isn’t actually going on. He’s a _friend_, Diana. Nothing more." 

Diana wasn’t so easily swayed. “Sure, Anne. Whatever you say.”

As Diana sped back to her parents’ house in order to give Anne somewhere to change, she couldn’t help but to wonder why Anne’s relationship with a certain future doctor hadn’t progressed beyond the friendship they shared. It seemed to be obvious to everyone but Anne how he felt about her, but Diana had to admit that her best friend brought up a good point. If he had feelings for her, wouldn’t he have said something by now? Anne came to Avonlea seven years ago. Even though he was gone for one of them, he still had ample time and opportunity.

_‘Who knows,’_ Diana wondered as she turned down the driveway of her parents’ house. Maybe Anne was right. Perhaps, those countless stares meant nothing.

Maybe it was simply wishful thinking on her part.

Then again, maybe it wasn’t.


	2. The Shadow of Change

One amazing benefit of having an overactive imagination and the uncanny ability to talk anyone’s ears off was that Anne felt fairly comfortable in any environment she was thrown into. Being bounced around the foster system for the first eleven years of her life had prepared her for a lot of awkward encounters with many different types of people. For the most part, she managed to either find some common ground—in order to thwart any potential awkwardness—or she was simply able to let her imagination take her away. The latter always provided her with a means of escape whilst potential foster families scrutinized every fragment of her physical appearance—from the vibrancy of her hair color and the freckles that peppered her face all the way down to her shoelaceless shoes. She had always hated being judged so closely—as if everyone had the right to poke and prod her.

While she had learned several different ways to endure various social encounters, none of her expertly refined coping mechanisms could have possibly prepared her for the situation she found herself in now.

She had been to a number of parties where alcohol had been served before. When she lived with the Hammond’s, they had “parties” every Friday night, if you could even call them that. Mr. Hammond’s poker buddies would come over with their wives and they’d end up smoking and drinking until dawn. Sometimes a fight would break out for one reason or another. One time, Anne crept downstairs to figure out what the commotion was and had to immediately duck in order to avoid getting hit with a beer bottle that had been aimed straight for her head.

It was the last time she dared to leave the confines of the room she shared with three other girls unless explicitly told to.

Even after she moved in with Matthew and Marilla, Anne had attended parties where alcohol was served. While Avonlea was picturesque and seemed decades behind the times, teenagers were still teenagers. Several of her friends had older siblings who would often buy alcohol for everyone at a premium, of course. Anne never partook in any of it. She had been forced to witness the affects of alcoholism at a young age and even though she had been with the Cuthberts for seven years, there were just some memories that would haunt her forever. Even if she hadn’t had such a grim upbringing, she was certain drinking would have never appealed to her. She never had the urge to consume anything that would alter her state of mind. She could do that well enough on her own.

As she surveyed the group of nearly fifty of her peers, she supposed that nearly half of them were already too intoxicated to drive. Thankfully, one of the first things Anne did as the President of the AVIS was to introduce a ‘safe ride’ program for the youth of Avonlea. Of course, it wasn’t something they openly advertised to the adults in the community, but it had been her first—and probably most—successful program in the three-year history of the club.

She was grateful that they were all in a field behind Ruby Gillis’ house. Anne couldn’t imagine cramming that many people into anyone’s house, even the Barry’s sprawling manor. Even though they were out in the open air, Anne couldn’t help but to feel claustrophobic in the midst of the otherwise empty field. The bonfire that a number of her former classmates had gathered around became the only real source of light for the teenagers as the sun slowly dipped beneath the horizon.

As Anne watched her last sunset as a full-time resident of the town she so dearly loved, she sighed. This wasn’t at all how she wanted to spend her last night in Avonlea, but she promised Diana weeks ago that she would come. After taking a moment to mourn the fact that it would be nearly two months until she saw another Avonlea sunset, Anne turned to speak to her best friend. She frowned when she realized that not only had Diana disappeared, but that her best friend had made her way toward the makeshift bar outside of the Gillis barn.

The redhead sighed. This was her last night in town. She had hoped that she and Diana would exchange a few pleasantries with the others before escaping to their old clubhouse or the Barry’s barn and reminisce about the last seven years. As Diana took a sip of whatever insane concoction Billy Andrews had conceived, Anne realized that they would never again revert back to the days of their adolescence. Maybe it was ridiculous to think that they could, even for just one night. So much had changed over the last few months. Diana had changed. Gone was the meek raven-haired girl Anne first met at church her first Sunday on the island.

Diana had endured a difficult summer—one in which Anne partially blamed herself for. Ever since that horrible night in May, Diana had become more and more despondent. Before that night, Diana was just as opposed to drinking as Anne was. Anne had never seen her taken a sip of anything remotely alcoholic until that summer—well, aside from that unfortunate incident when they were thirteen. Now, it seemed as if Diana sought out alcohol as a means of escape, a way to endure the heartbreak she still felt.

Anne hated that they were about to be separated. It had been a difficult decision to choose Redmond over Queen’s, but now, as she watched Diana consume the contents of the red solo cup in her hands, Anne wished she could go back and change her mind. Yes, Diana would be attending Queen’s with several of their friends, but Anne knew that no one would look out for her—not the way she could. Everyone around her assumed that Diana had moved past Jerry’s sudden departure, but Anne knew otherwise. They never talked about it, but there were some things that didn’t require words to understand. Anne didn’t need Diana to come out and confess that she felt broken by her boyfriend’s—well, ex-boyfriend’s—sudden departure. Her actions more than made up for it. She, much like Anne, had thrown herself into her work with the AVIS that summer, but whenever she stopped moving for a second, Anne noticed the pain reflected in her best friend’s eyes. They had dated for over two years. For him to leave the way that he did—well, it wasn’t something that one could simply just ‘get over’. Diana always wore her heart on her sleeve. She had willingly and freely gave it to Jerry for safekeeping. He was the first boy she ever loved and Anne knew that no matter who she met or what path she followed, there would always be a little piece of her who would always love him.

And that was what scared Anne the most.

She knew that Diana was trying to fill in that hole in her heart with anything that would bring her relief—however temporary. Her current means of handling her heartache had been attending parties such as this one where she drank until she finally felt numb. Anne tried to intervene on numerous occasions. She desperately wanted Diana to open up about what happened, to get it all out in the open but her best friend refused. She insisted that everything was perfectly fine, but Anne knew otherwise. Three months later, Anne still wasn’t entirely sure what to do about it. Diana was spiraling—and she was about to leave the island.

Anne bit the inside of her cheek as Billy handed Diana another cup of whatever it was that he created. All she could do right now was to be the best friend she could possibly be under the circumstances. She’d keep a watchful eye on her friend and then—most likely within the hour—she’d be about fifty yards away from where she stood at that very moment, holding Diana’s hair back while her best friend expelled the contents of whatever was in that red cup.

“Having fun yet,” an unmistakable voice asked from behind her.

Anne crossed her arms over her chest as she instantly stiffened at the sound of his voice. She closed her eyes for a moment before she turned around to face him.

Before her stood the other reason why she was reluctant to go to the party in the first place. When she first arrived in Avonlea, they instantly became bitter rivals; at least, that’s how she perceived it. Once they entered high school, they became friends, but still maintained an unspoken academic rivalry that eventually led to them becoming the first co-valedictorians in Avonlea High School’s 100+ year history.

And now, they were friends. It was a simple fact that, for some reason, Anne had to constantly remind herself of whenever she caught him looking at her for just a second too long. Of course he would look at her when he was speaking to her. It was a sign of respect and nothing more. On the other hand, she had to hear from both Diana and Cole for years that there was something more to it. Perhaps the years of teasing had finally caught up to her? No. There was no way that Gilbert Blythe could possibly be interested in her as anything more than a friend. Then again, if that were true, why did she feel a little more self-conscious whenever he was around? Maybe it was because she hadn’t fully recovered from that little incident on the lake a month ago. “I’m having a blast. Can’t you tell?”

Gilbert smirked at the hint of sarcasm in her tone as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “I have to admit that I’m a little surprised to see you here. I figured you’d want to spend your last night at Green Gables with Matthew and Marilla.”

Anne sighed. “I wanted to, but they kicked me out.” When Gilbert raised his eyebrows in surprise, the redhead laughed. “Yeah, since this is supposed to be a party for the AVIS, they didn’t want me to miss it and regret not going later. Besides,” she glanced back in the direction of her best friend, “they aren’t the only ones I’m saying good-bye to.” She waited a beat before she turned back to face him. This wasn’t so bad. She wasn’t sure why she was so anxious to see him tonight. He was just Gilbert—her good friend, Gilbert Blythe. “What about you? Didn’t want to spend your last night in Avonlea with Bash and Mary?”

Gilbert shrugged. “They kicked me out of the house, too.” He scanned the area around him. “I thought the party was supposed to start at sundown.”

“It did.” Anne followed his line of vision to a small group of people who were all talking over one another in one massive conversation, if once could even call it that. Since no one seemed to understand what each other was saying because of the noise, the ‘conversation’ quickly escalated to a shouting match. “Makes me wonder what’s in the punch Billy made.”

The corner of Gilbert’s lips curled up into a mischievous smirk as he looked down at her. “I could always get you a cup so you could see for yourself.” 

She looked at him for a long moment before she finally chuckled. “No thanks. I’m not that curious.” She ran her fingers through her semi-tangled waves before she gestured to drink table. “What about you? I’m perfectly willing to go get you a cup.”

He shook his head. “Nah. I don’t drink…and even if I did, I wouldn’t…” He cringed at the very thought of what Billy Andrews might have concocted. At the very least, he had most likely blended light and dark alcohol: an unfortunate combination all on its own. “I was surrounded by all of that when I was working with Bash. Most of the guys would go out every night and I just…I’ve never wanted to be like that.” He sighed as they continued to watch the antics of their former classmates. He never regretted leaving Avonlea in order to figure out what he wanted out of life after losing his father two years ago. How could he? He met his best friend and business partner because of it, but there were some memories of the nine months he spent working on cargo ships that he wished he could permanently erase from his mind.

Anne nodded as she continued to watch her fellow classmates. She could relate. “It’s hard to believe that this will be the last time everyone will be together, isn’t it? I mean…it’s kind of sad when you really think about it. We finally graduated and we’re all about to scatter across the country. No matter what happens after this, no matter what the future holds, tonight’s the end of an era, you know?” Of course, there were several memories she wished she didn’t have, but for the most part, it had been a good experience. She decided long ago that the bad was worth remembering, given all of the good it brought her. She had a wonderful group of friends now, some of which, she was grateful, would join her as this next chapter commenced. She definitely considered herself to be one of the lucky ones in that regard.

“Yeah…” He glanced back at her before his tone deepened ever so slightly. “It’s a chapter I definitely want to remember.”

Anne swallowed harshly underneath the scrutiny of his gaze. It was moments like these that seemed to completely unnerve her. The simple fact that she could feel his eyes on her made her heart race. How was it possible to know when someone was looking at you when you weren’t even looking back at them? It made no logical sense and was the strangest sensation she had ever experienced. It unsettled her and she hated the cold chill that always shot down her spine as a result.

Despite the fact that they were friends, Anne could feel herself growing more self-conscious whenever he was around. With her other friends, she felt comfortable enough to be her true self, to be unapologetically who she was, and while she knew Gilbert would never judge her for her eccentric tendencies, she still had become acutely aware of every action and every word she uttered in his presence. The phenomenon amplified when he came back from his sojourn into the real word. While they both had changed during his nine months away, Gilbert had grown a lot wiser and a little more somber. It didn’t take them very long to pick their friendship up from where they left off, but something between them had shifted. Anne initially thought it was because they now—unfortunately—understood one another on a much deeper level. He was the only other person she knew in Avonlea who had lost both of their parents. Granted, she lost hers when she was baby, while Gilbert (who also lost his mother before he ever knew her) lost his father only two years ago. While they never really discussed the loss of their biological parents, they knew exactly who to confide in if they ever felt the need to.

Anne wanted to ask Gilbert about his adventures. Perhaps if it had all happened a few years earlier, she would have, but with age came tact and Anne sensed from the moment she first saw him again that it was something he wanted to keep to himself. Over the last year, she heard a few anecdotes from Bash about their adventures in Trinidad, but Gilbert never added anything to the conversation or revealed anything on his own. While she was well aware of the fact that Gilbert didn’t drink, she didn’t realize until then that the reason why had more to do with what he experienced on the ship and not simply because he wanted to sustain a clear mind.

A loud crash about twenty feet from where they stood interrupted the introspective silence that had fallen over the pair. Anne’s eyes widened as one of the Paul’s—she never could remember which was which—shrieked in response to the half a dozen or so now broken bottles of alcohol that had tumbled out from underneath of the cardboard box in his hands. The other Paul, already three sheets to the wind, merely laughed at his friend’s misfortune. “Billy’s gonna kill you.”

Gilbert turned to Anne after he realized that neither one of them had been injured. “I know you’re having the time of your life watching everyone descend into the worst possible versions of themselves, but do you want to go…for a walk? Get away from the…excitement for a little bit?”

Over the last few months, Anne had become more aware of the dangers that involved being alone with Gilbert—in any capacity. Prom night and the incident at the lake were two prime examples of what could happen when left alone with the tousled haired brunette, but still, she had just about had enough ‘celebrating’ she could possibly stand for one night. She spun around as her gaze searched for her missing best friend. “I would, but…I need to find Diana.”

Gilbert took once glance around the open field in front of them before he gestured toward the campfire where the brunette stood. “She’s right there next to Fred. I know he’ll make sure that she’s…that nothing happens.”

Anne furrowed her eyebrows. She didn’t trust many of the people around her to actually keep an eye on her heartbroken best friend, but she did trust Fred Wright. At least, he hadn’t given her a reason not to trust him. Fred had transferred to their school two years ago. As an officer of the AVIS, Anne had gotten to know him through their weekly meetings and various fundraising activities. He and Diana, as secretary and treasurer (respectively), executed several of the group’s annual undertakings and had, as a result, become good friends. If Diana trusted him, Anne knew she could as well. As a particularly annoying techno song began to drown out her thoughts, she turned back to Gilbert and simply nodded.

She had to get away from the noise, if only for a moment.

The pair fell silent as they wandered away from the party that raged behind them. With every step they took, Anne felt her sanity slowly return and for that, she was grateful. However, now that she was able to actually think, she became acutely aware of the fact that she was alone with Gilbert Blythe, in the nearly pitch black field of the Gillis farm. _ ‘I’m going to kill Diana,’ _Anne thought as she ran her fingers through her hair. In order to give her hands something to do, she pulled her hair back into a messy bun. She enjoyed summers in Avonlea, but the heat was almost too much to bear for her long, wavy hair. “So,” she began in an attempt to break the silence, “you and Charlie are going to be roommates?”

Gilbert nodded, despite the fact that he knew Anne couldn’t see him. “We are. He’s one of my best friends and honestly…I’d rather take my chances with someone I know than a complete stranger…at least for now.”

“I can understand that. For a while there, I thought I would have to gamble with the whole roommate thing, but thankfully Diana’s cousin, Priscilla, is going. Jane and Ruby promised one another two years ago that they’d room together if they both got in and with Diana going to Queen’s,” she could barely get the words out. She had spent six months preparing for her inevitable separation from her best friend, but now, on the eve of their departure, the loss finally hit Anne. She swallowed in order to keep her tears at bay. “If it wasn’t for Pris, I’m not sure what I’d do. I mean, I guess I should be used to goodbyes now, but…I’ve been here for so long that I’m not sure if I even know how to be on my own anymore.”

“You’re not going to be on your own,” he pointed out. “Even if Priscilla wasn’t going to be there. You’re not…you won’t be alone.”

Anne crossed her arms over her chest as they continued to walk. She knew that they were only exchanging pleasantries, but it felt nice. Most of their conversations over the last few weeks had been focused on the AVIS and avoiding certain events that had transpired over the last few months, but this—talking about Redmond—seemed natural, pleasant even. Had they finally gotten past that dance? “I know that you and Charlie and the others will be there…and I’m happy I’ll get to see Cole on a daily basis again, but it’s…it’s going to be so different.” She shook her head. “I don’t know. For the first time in my life, I’m leaving somewhere I don’t want to leave. I…I know I need to. Don’t get me wrong. I want to go. I know I need this experience, but why can’t I pack up Avonlea and take it with me?”

“We’re going to be four hours away, Anne. It’s far, but not impossible to visit.” He waited a beat as an idea came to him. “What if I make a deal with you?”

Anne furrowed her eyebrows. “What kind of deal?”

He stopped his pace and turned to face her. He could barely see one foot in front of him, but he didn’t need any light to remember the outline of her celestial features. “Whenever it gets to be too much, whenever you’re homesick, I’ll drive you back to Avonlea.” 

Her eyes widened in shock. He would do that? He would really drop everything to take her home? Suddenly, the thought of leaving didn’t seem so final. Suddenly, it felt as if she was on the cusp of a brand new adventure. For the first time in three months, her heart fluttered at the possibility of moving to Kingsport. “Really?”

He nodded. “All you have to do is say the word.” It was the least he could do for the girl who had pushed him to be the best possible version of himself since the day they met. Because of her, he had learned so much about himself. She believed in him when he found it impossible to believe in himself. He realized a long time ago that he’d do anything to see her smile and if driving her to Green Gables was all he had to do, then it was more than worth the time it would take to get there.

She was beyond floored by the offer. Being without a vehicle herself, she knew visits home would entirely depend on the kindness of her friends. Knowing that there was one who was willing to take her home when the loneliness became too much felt like the greatest gift in the world. “Thank you, Gilbert. That’s very sweet of you.” She had to inwardly laugh at the irony. It wasn’t too long ago that she considered him to be anything but sweet. She couldn’t believe how far they had come in the last seven years.

As they resumed their walk, Gilbert glanced at her. “I know you feel like you’re leaving something behind, Anne, but look on the bright side. This is the start of something new…a whole new adventure. I know that Matthew and Marilla would want you to experience life and go everywhere you want to go to. You want to see the world, right?”

He paused. When he made out the faint outline of her nod in response, he smirked. “Well…start by going to Kingsport.”


	3. Greeting and Farewell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm incredibly sorry for any grammatical issues//disjointedness with this chapter. Every time I went to edit it, I ended up listening to a bunch of show tunes, so this chapter did not get the full attention I normally give when I edit.

* * *

As much as she wanted to travel the world and experience everything the world could possibly ever offer, when it came down to actually leaving the only real home she had ever known, Anne was more than petrified. Yes, she wanted to go to Redmond. She was more than prepared to start the next chapter of her life, but why couldn’t she take Matthew, Marilla, Green Gables, and the rest of Avonlea with her?

The fear of letting her adopted family down—co-mingled with the encouragement Gilbert had provided her the previous night—was what finally forced her to climb into the passenger seat of Moody’s car for the long ride to Kingsport.

Gilbert and Charlie led the small caravan of former Avonlea High students toward Redmond. When the Redmond-bound group of friends gathered together in order to work out the logistics on who would ride with whom, Anne jumped at the prospect of riding with Moody Spurgeon. They had both been involved with the community theatre in Avonlea and she knew that their entire ride would consist of belting out show tunes with the windows rolled down and the wind wiping through her hair. She knew she’d need the distraction. She was more than grateful that the energetic guy next to her decided to go to Redmond, as opposed to Queen’s with Diana and a small number of their former classmates. They had even agreed to take the same “Intro to Acting” class together. As they drove over the Confederation Bridge, Anne finally felt herself begin to relax. Gilbert was right, she mused as she tapped her feet along to the beat of the opening notes of “Cabaret”. She wasn’t going to be alone.

Before she knew it—and just as she finished crooning the first verse of “All That Jazz”—they reached the sprawling campus. The girls would be in the same dorm, which was located on the other side of campus from the boys. Anne figured that Gilbert and Charlie would turn toward the direction of the dorm, but she was pleasantly surprised when they followed Ruby and Jane to their dorm.

Parking was nightmare as all of the other first year students were in the midst of moving in. Still, by some small miracle, they were able to find a parking spot for all three vehicles. Moody helped Anne with her belongings while Gilbert and Charlie unloaded Jane’s vehicle, which was crammed with—perhaps—every outfit Ruby owned.

After they were finished unloading the vehicle, the group agreed to meet up for dinner after they got settled in. Anne offered to go with the guys in order to help them move in, but Gilbert insisted that they had it covered. She tried to reason with them, but they wouldn’t relent. She needed a distraction and knew that Cole would be there soon and Anne was aching to see him. Moody told her that by the time she finished unpacking, they’d be back to pick her up for dinner. Realizing that she was fighting a losing battle, she finally acquiesced. Maybe she’d feel better once everything was unpacked.

Still, the moment they left, Anne instantly felt overwhelmed. This was her greatest fear: being alone amidst hundreds of strangers. Pris wouldn’t arrive until tomorrow afternoon.

Anne was grateful that they had already discussed how they wanted their room to look. As she pulled out the contents of the first bag, Anne realized that Moody was right. It was the perfect distraction from the sudden burst of homesickness she felt. She stopped for a moment in order to send Marilla a text to let her know she arrived safely and promised she’d call within the next day or so. The redhead wanted to call that very moment, but feared that if she heard Matthew or Marilla’s voice, she’d take the first bus back home.

“You can do this,” she murmured as she unzipped another bag. She slowly inhaled. “You’ve been dreaming about this day for years. You can’t quit now…not just because you’re homesick.” She closed her eyes and tried to focus on the new world she found herself in. One wonderful thing about going to university was the fact that she would once again be in the same town as one of her best friends.

Cole Mackenzie left Avonlea midway through grade 9. After he became a victim of relentless bullying from the majority of the hockey team, he escaped to Charlottetown to live with some of his extended family. While there, he flourished. Charlottetown—and most of the world, it seemed—was far more progressive than Avonlea. As much as Anne loved her little town, the one thing she abhorred was how some of the residents remained so prejudicial about lifestyles they were not accustomed to. Cole was the first person Anne knew who had publicly come out as gay. As a result, students and parents alike bullied him relentlessly. In hindsight, leaving Avonlea was the best decision, especially since he spent the last three years at one of the most prestigious art schools in the country, but still, Anne missed him. She had been able to see him during the holidays and whenever she and Diana visited Diana’s great-aunt, but it just wasn’t the same.

It was shortly after Cole’s departure that Anne, Gilbert, Diana, and some of the others organized the AVIS, not only to beautify Avonlea, but to also create an open forum in order to discuss current social issues. In their three-year history, the AVIS managed to have several productive conversations about a number of social issues.

Of course, some citizens refused to attend the open forums and were seemingly stuck in their ways, but in the wake of Cole’s departure, several more residents of Avonlea came out in support of him or to openly admit their own sexual preference. It had been a much-needed step in the right direction, but Anne wanted Avonlea to become a place where one didn’t feel the need to “come out” at all. She fully believed that people should simply exist and love whomever they wanted.

The work she did with the AVIS, along with the influence of her English teacher, Muriel Stacy, inspired Anne to become an education major. She wanted to shape and mold young minds. She wanted to leave a positive impact on people. She wanted to inspire her students the way Miss Stacy inspired her. Of course, she loved theatre, and decided to also pursue a minor in it. After all, she needed a creative outlet for her overactive imagination.

Thankfully, being at the top of her class—well, tied for the top—offered her the chance to obtain several scholarships. It was one reason why she chose Redmond over Queen’s in the first place. Redmond was further away, but she received one scholarship that would cover the cost of her tuition for the four years she would be in attendance (as long as she remained in good academic standing). The scholarship she was offered at Queen’s only covered two years. She had also received a scholarship from the community of Avonlea, which covered the cost of her books. The third academic scholarship she received covered her room and board for the next two years.

As Anne tucked away the last of her belongings, she surveyed the room. It was only half decorated and felt twice as big as it would be once Pris arrived, but at least she was settled into the tiny room that would be her home for the next nine months. She was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed with a good book until she passed out, but the soft glow of her phone, which was perched at the edge of her desk, quickly reminded her that she already made plans for the evening—and knowing the group she was about to meet up with, sleep would evade her for several hours yet.

* * *

The seven Avonlea friends—Anne, Cole, Moody, Charlie, Gilbert, Ruby, and Jane—decided to wander around campus after a two hour-long dinner at a pizzeria at the edge of campus. They reminisced, filled Cole in on the recent happenings in Avonlea, and in return, Cole regaled them with stories of his own misadventures in Charlottetown. Some of the stories—including the calamity of his first date—Anne had never heard before. She knew that it had been nothing but disastrous, but Cole never offered up any of the details until now. Anne had always assumed that by ‘disastrous’ he meant that something horrific had disrupted the evening, but in reality, Cole’s date made several missteps that were more comedic than anything else.

As they walked by the library, Anne peered into one of the dimly lit windows. She wondered how many hours she’d spend there and if they would equate to—or even exceed—the amount of time she’d spend in her room (or anywhere else for that matter). As she stopped and stared at the three-story building, the others moved forward. None of them notice that she had lingered behind, save for one observant aspiring doctor.

“We’ve been here for about seven hours now,” he began as he followed Anne’s line of vision toward the library. “How do you feel?”

Before Anne resumed her pace, she turned to face him. “Still a little touch and go,” she admitted with a wry smile. “This helped. Tonight. Being with everyone. It almost feels like…”

“Like we never left?”

She nodded. “I can’t help but to wonder though…I mean…how often will we all be able to get together like this? We’re all in different programs. That means different course loads and different schedules. What if this is the only time we’ll all be together?”

“You can’t predict the future, Anne. No one can. It’s a big school, but you’re on the same floor with Jane and Ruby, and us guys all share a suite.”

“Yeah, but—“ 

“No,” he gently interjected, “There is no but. We’ll figure it out. Maybe we can work out something to where we can all have dinner together once a week. That way, we can catch up and not…drift away…from one another.”

Once a week seemed like so little compared to how often she used to be able to see everyone, but it was better than nothing and certainly better than how often she would get to see her family or Diana. She did share a few classes with Jane and she had that acting class with Moody, but aside from that, she didn’t share a class with anyone else. “Are you sure you’ll be able to stick to that,” she unexpectedly blurted out. She wasn’t entirely sure why when she brought up not being able to see anyone, she only thought about missing Gilbert’s presence. Perhaps it was because he had the most demanding course load of them all.

“I wouldn’t have suggested it if I didn’t think I could,” he offered in return.

Anne bit the inside of her cheek. She was relieved, but she wasn’t entirely sure why Gilbert’s presence—or lack thereof—would affect her so much. Maybe it was because out all of her friends at Redmond, she was the closest to him. It was a weird. Once upon a time, Anne never would have thought of him as a friend, let alone one of her best friends, but he was. They pushed one another to be better, to pursue their dreams and—Anne determined—that was what made their friendship so wonderful and so unique. What if she didn’t have that sort of friendship anymore? What would happen if she didn’t have that challenge in her life? Would she falter? Would she abandon her dreams because they seemed improbable?

“Speaking of our academic schedules,” he slowly continued, “I was hoping that you might be able to help me out with my English homework this semester.”

Anne furrowed her eyebrows. It was one of the few subjects she always surpassed Gilbert in, but still, he consistently received A’s in the subject while they were in high school. “Really?”

“Yea,” he nervously chuckled as they strolled past one of the academic buildings. “I want to make sure that my grades are the best they can be while I’m here so that when I apply to medical school, I can choose where to go instead of hoping to be accepted anywhere that would accept me.” He waited a beat. “If you’re too busy or don’t want to, I unders—“

“No, that’s fine,” Anne interrupted as she spun to face him for a brief moment before she looked back at the path in front of them. “I mean…I would feel horrible if I was the reason why you didn’t get accepted to medical school.”

Gilbert laughed. “Exactly.”

The pair fell into a comfortable silence as they edged closer to the girls’ dorm. Anne oddly felt comforted by the fact that even though they didn’t have any of the same classes, she would still be able to see her friend on at least a semi-regular basis. Maybe college wouldn’t be so bad, she half smiled as she glanced at the building that would be her home for the next several months.

Gilbert tried to remain as calm as he possibly could. He had hoped Anne would acquiesce to his request, but wasn’t entirely certain she would want to. He didn’t really need much help with his English class. He aced the subject in school. Anne always edged him out, but he managed to hold his own. He only wanted to insure that he would be able to spend some time with her away from the others, even if it was just in an academic setting. He wasn’t sure how she felt about him. Sometimes he believed that her feelings for him ran deeper than that of a friend. Other times, he was certain that she saw him as a friend and nothing more. He had lost track of the number of times he tried to ask her out in high school. He wasn’t sure why he wasn’t able to get the words out or why he was so hesitant to ask her about it now. Perhaps it was because he knew that no matter her response, everything would change. Either heaven would open up for him or hell would swallow him whole. Perhaps, he was too scared of the latter. Perhaps, he needed more time in order to secure his future, to show her that he was determined to become worthy of her. Maybe it was because he was too scared to breathe around her, let alone confess how he felt about her.

Maybe he didn’t need to have all the answers now, but as he wished Anne and the girls a good night, he knew that eventually something would have to give in.

* * *

“So a weekly study date, huh,” Cole smirked as he lounged on Priscilla’s bed. Anne couldn’t bear the thought of spending her first night in Kingsport alone, but she wasn’t about to ask Ruby and Jane if she could spend her first night in Kingsport on the floor of their room. When Cole realized that Anne was prolonging their farewell, he offered to hang out with her for a little while longer. Two hours later, they decided to make a night of it.

“It’s not a date,” Anne sighed as she opened her closet in order to grab an extra blanket for her friend. “You were part of our study group in school.”

“Yeah…back when you could barely tolerate being in the same room with him,” he chuckled. “You’ve neglected to tell me just how close you two have become.”

She poked her head out from the door in order to purposefully glare at him. “Because there’s nothing to tell. You know that he left town…”

“Yeah, he was gone for a year, right?”

“Nine months,” Anne corrected. Cole smirked in response, even though she couldn’t see him. He knew how long the class president had been gone. He just wanted to make sure Anne remembered. “And, I mean…we were friends before he left…I guess. I mean…we didn’t actively hate one another anymore.” She closed the door before she tossed the blanket toward Cole. “But after he came back…after everything with his dad…we just got over it and grew up.” She shook her head. They had never actually discussed the evolution of their friendship. It just happened. Perhaps it was because Marilla made it her mission to make sure Bash and Gilbert were taken care of. Perhaps it was the dozens of family dinners they had spent together over the last year that forced them to become friends. Anne wasn’t sure, but it didn’t matter now.

“Right,” Cole slowly replied.

Anne tilted her head to the side. “You’re worse than Diana.”

“We just know what we see and we aren’t afraid to tell you the truth.” He smirked. “You can tell me, Anne. I won’t tell him. Promise.”

“There’s nothing to tell,” she answered in a singsong voice as she sat across from him. “So, can we please talk about something else? Anything else.”

Cole thought about it for a minute. “Tell me what happened between you two at prom.”

Anne rolled her eyes before she groaned. This again?

“Because I know what I saw and what I saw was—“

“Nothing,” she interjected before she tossed a pillow at him. “We’re friends, ok?”

“So you two are just like you and me?”

“No,” she quickly answered. She furrowed her eyebrows. “It’s different. We’re kindred on an artistic level. You inspire me. I inspire you. He and I are…we push each other academically. That’s why we’re meeting up every week. He needs my help with his English class.” She wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince herself or Cole. She had to admit that it seemed like a flimsy excuse now that she thought about it. Gilbert had always done well in English. She hastily ran her fingers through her hair. No. She wouldn’t overthink this. “I can’t lose my competitive edge just because we aren’t taking any of the same classes.”

“Yeah, Anne, I wouldn’t worry about that.” When she arched an eyebrow at him, Cole’s grin widened. “Sixty years from now, you’ll be the reigning champ of Bingo at our retirement home.” 

“You got that right,” she chuckled. “So? What about you?”

“What about me?”

“You and Stephen. I noticed that you didn’t mention him at all tonight…and you haven’t said much about him in the last few weeks.” She waited a beat. “Is everything ok?”

“We…broke up about a week ago.”

Anne furrowed her eyebrows. Why did it take him so long to tell her? “Why?”

Cole started to unfold the blanket in order to give himself something to do. “Why do most people our age break up? I went to Redmond. He went to an art school in Vancouver.”

Anne hugged her knees to her chest. “You didn’t want to go with him?”

Cole shook his head. “I mean…I applied. I got in, but…I wanted to be closer to home…to you guys. Besides, if it’s meant to be…” he let his statement hang in the air between them for a moment. “I don’t know. I don’t want to chase him across the country and have it end and…regret it.”

Anne let his words sink in. “Everyone seems to be breaking up right now.”

“Well, we’re making this huge transition. We’re not in high school anymore, Anne. We’re in college. I’d be surprised if anyone who dated in high school stayed together for the next four years.”

Anne furrowed her eyebrows. He made a good point. Wasn’t that what she had been contemplating all summer? Wasn’t that what she surmised after Jerry left? “Yeah.”

“How is Diana doing, by the way?”

“Not good,” Anne admitted. “I still can’t believe he just…left.”

“Do you know why?”

Anne looked down at her comforter.

“Anne?”

The redhead sighed. “He and I had…a weird conversation about a week before prom. It was about Diana…and the future…his future. I don’t know exactly what happened. He wouldn’t say a lot, but…I think Mr. Barry said something to him…about not being able to provide for Diana…about how he knows that Jerry was the reason why Diana didn’t go to school in Paris.”

“Jesus.” Cole waited a beat. “So, that’s why he broke up with her and joined the military?”

It was the first time Anne confessed to anyone that she knew something about the breakup. She still hadn’t put all of the pieces together. The bulk of her summer had been spent distracting her heartbroken best friend, but she was determined to figure out the full story. “I’m not sure what else it could be. God. He loved her so much, Cole. I’ve never…he was in love with her even before I got to Green Gables. I…I know that has to be it.”

“Is it true? Is that why she didn’t go to Europe?”

Anne slowly nodded. “That and she wanted to go to school with her friends…well…” she shrugged, “some of them.”

“And now?”

“I hope she’ll be ok. I’m here and she’s at Queen’s and…I just want her to be ok.” She slowly looked up at him. “But you can’t tell anyone. Diana doesn’t know. No one does. I’ve been…carrying this around for three months.”

“Why haven’t you told her?”

“Jerry told me not to. He said it would be easier. He said he had made his mind up and that…it was for the best.” Anne leaned back against the wall behind her. “I mean…you said it yourself…it seems impossible that anyone would be able to make it work from high school to college. We’re all growing and changing so much that…it only makes sense for people to drift away from one another.”

He gave her a sympathetic smile. “Or closer.”

She returned his smile with one of her own. “One of the few things that’s making this transition bearable for me is the fact that you’re here. I’m so glad I get to go through the next four years with you.”

“Me too.”

As the conversation shifted toward their academic aspirations, Anne became more relaxed in the room she first stepped foot in not six hours earlier. She missed her Green Gables and her family, but as she drifted off to sleep later that night, she realized that she was exactly where she was meant to be.


	4. The Delights of Anticipation

_‘Crap, crap, crap,’_ was the refrain that repeatedly ran through Anne’s mind as she raced toward the library. She had been running late all day, but had completely forgotten that she needed to stop by Phil’s room in order to grab a few things before she met up with Gilbert at the library.

By the time she raced into the building, she was nearly twenty minutes late. She immediately slowed her pace when she realized that one of the librarians was glaring at her. The very last thing she needed was to be banned from one of her favorite buildings on campus—not to mention her best resource for researching various projects she’d have over the next four years. She offered an apologetic smile to the scowling librarian before she made a beeline toward the back of the building.

She realized that she must have looked about as disheveled as she felt by the time she spotted him at their usual table, but there was no time to fix her appearance. Besides, it wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen her look far worse before. She cringed as her sharp memory betrayed her by instantly replaying some of her ‘greatest hits’ including her failed attempt at dying her hair black when she was thirteen. She tried to chase the memory away as she shifted her focus toward getting to the table without dropping everything in her arms.

When she accidentally knocked off a book at another table, she grimaced and immediately apologized to the annoyed student. When Anne turned back around, he looked up at her. She winced as she began to apologize. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” she repeated as she finally reached her destination.

Gilbert stood up and reached for some of the items in her hands in an attempt to help her. As he sat the garment bag and hatbox on the table, he glanced back at her. “Anne, what is all of this?”

Anne didn’t immediately respond as she sat the gym bag, her book bag, and a shoebox down on the ground next to the table. She took a deep breath before she finally sighed and slumped into the chair across from Gilbert. “They’re all pieces of my costume for tonight. I’m sorry I’m late I just…I completely forgot that I needed to go by Phil’s room before our study session so I could pick all this stuff up.” As he sat back down in his seat, she leaned over and pulled out her laptop. “Have I apologized for being late yet,” she began before she looked over at him, “because I’m really—“

“You did and it’s not necessary.” He glanced at the items on the table before he realized just why she had to have a costume for that night. “I forgot it was Halloween.”

“I’m not sure how,” she chuckled before she dug through her bag once more in search of her copy of ‘The Old Man and the Sea’. “I mean, Diana and Fred should be here in an hour and the party starts at 8.”

Gilbert furrowed his eyebrows. “Party?”

Anne cut her eyes back to him as she stopped searching for the book. “Yeah. The theatre department is throwing a Halloween party tonight.” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear before she looked back down at her bag. She knew the book had to be in there. “I know I told you about it.”

Gilbert thought about it for a moment as Anne continued her search. Had she? Granted, he had been a lot busier during the first few months of their collegiate careers than he figured he’d be, but surely he would have remembered a conversation about a party, right? “I…forgot,” he finally offered. As he watched Anne pull the book out and begin to thumb through the pages, Gilbert’s frown deepened. “I thought you hated going to parties.”

“No,” she shook her head as she continued to flips through the pages of Hemingway. “I hate going to a field and watching everyone drink themselves into oblivion. This is different.” She sat the book down on the table before she ran her fingers through her tangled hair. “This is a theatre department function, so there won’t be any alcohol involved and…there’s even a theme.”

“Which is…”

“Musicals,” she answered matter-of-factly before she knit her eyebrows together. “I could have sworn we had an entire conversation about this.” She waited a beat before she finally shook her head. She wasn’t sure if Gilbert had just forgotten or if she had dreamt it. Either way, it was apparent that Gilbert had no idea what she was talking about. “Yeah…as soon as they announced it, Moody and I decided that it would be fun if we did Rocky Horror.” She reached for her bag one last time in order to grab a pen. “Um…yeah…so Moody decided to spread his creative wings and is going to strap on a pair of platform heels in order to be Dr. Frank N Furter. Diana is going to be Janet. Fred is going to be Brad. Charlie is going as Riff-Raff. Pris is going to be Magenta. And Cole is going as Eddie.”

Gilbert glanced at the hatbox. Without even thinking, he lifted the lid. Inside, sat a gold sequined hat. “And you’re going as…” he searched his memory for the character’s name, “Columbia, right?”

She smiled. “That’s right.” Her smile quickly faded as she watched him put the lid back on the box. “I could have sworn we talked about this. I mean…it’s part of the reason why Diana and Fred are coming this weekend.”

“Right. Right.” He tried to search his overworked brain for that misplaced memory, but still couldn’t recall any part of the conversation. “What’s going on with them, anyway?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…they’re coming here this weekend…together…”

Anne leaned back in her seat. “Well, yeah, but they’re not together, together…I mean…Fred is one of your best friends and he’s staying with you guys and Diana’s staying with me and Pris. Them coming here together doesn’t...doesn’t have to mean that they’re…together.”

“Oh, yeah, I know. I was just…wondering. You talk to Diana more than I talk to Fred, so I wasn’t sure what—if anything—was going on between them.”

Anne pursed her lips as she her gaze fell to the table. “I think Diana’s still…processing everything with Jerry.”

“Have you heard from him, by the way?”

“No,” Anne answered a little too quickly. She took a deep breath before she calmly continued. “Why…why do you ask?”

“It’s just weird. You two were so close. Even if he wanted to…break up with Diana…he didn’t have to leave. I don’t know. It seems strange that he would leave Avonlea all together and not say anything to anyone about it.”

“Well, that’s Jerry,” Anne mumbled as she glanced out the window next to them. She was still beyond furious with him. Not just for leaving, but also the fact that she had—in fact—heard from him. She had heard from him several times over the last few months, but he had sworn her to secrecy over the whole thing. He joined the military, determined to prove Mr. Barry wrong and make something of himself. Anne, who had tried to remain as neutral as possible about the breakup, screamed at him on more than one occasion about what he did to the girl he left behind. She wasn’t sure why he didn’t want anyone to know where he was, and she hated that she was now an accomplice to it all. Couldn’t he see what his secret was doing to her? She was exhausted from keeping up the pretense for the last few months. She hated lying about it to Diana, and now, she was forced to lie to Gilbert about it. “You’re coming tonight, right?”

He tapped the back of his pen against the table three times before he finally shook his head. “I have to go to the lab when I leave here. Sarah and I have—“

Anne curiously tilted her head to the side. “Sarah?”

“My biology partner,” he clarified. “We have a project due tomorrow.”

“Who has a project due the day after Halloween?”

“My biology professor. Besides, it is a week night,” he pointed out. “We do have classes tomorrow.”

“Well,” she sighed, “If you get done early, come by Ridgefield Hall. That’s where it will be.”

“Anne, I completely forgot it was Halloween. I…don’t have a costume.”

Anne grinned. She knew he had been busy, but surely he didn’t forget that it was Halloween. “Sure you did,” she answered in a singsong voice. She ran her fingers through her tangled locks once more. “I think you’re just trying to get out of playing Rocky.”

Even though his eyebrows were furrowed, Gilbert smirked. “Isn’t that the guy who runs around in a gold speedo?”

Anne stifled a giggle as she nodded in response. Thinking that the conversation was over, she reached for her book. “So, it’s been awhile since I’ve read ‘The Old Man and the Sea’, but—“

“If you want me to parade around the theatre department in a gold speedo all night, I’ll do it.” He waited a beat before he raised an eyebrow. “Just say the word.”

Anne cut her eyes back to him. There was definitely a hint of a challenge in his tone, but there was something in his stare that Anne couldn’t quite figure out. Even though she couldn’t pinpoint it, her heart instinctively quickened its pace and she felt a blush creep up on her pale features. She nervously cleared her throat. She knew he was daring her, and while she always met his challenges with ones of her own, this time, everything inside of her demanded that she change the conversation.

She shifted her gaze back to the book in her hands. “I wouldn’t do that to anyone,” she answered as evenly as possible, her tone low. “Phil is dressing up as Dr. Scott, or else you could do that one.” She pursed her lips. “I love the idea of a woman playing Dr. Scott, anyway,” she smiled. When Gilbert didn’t respond, she looked up from her book once more. “Look, if you’re able to come, you don’t have to dress up as a character from Rocky Horror. You can put on a lab coat and…come as the future…you know…as Dr. Gilbert Blythe.”

He knew that she was attempting to change the subject, but still, his heart swelled at the confidence in her tone. She said it so matter-of-factly. She seemed so certain that he would become a doctor one day. Admittedly, he was only two months into his course of study, but Gilbert’s confidence in his ability to make that dream a reality had already wavered. It was a lot more work than he had anticipated and he had already missed out on several collegiate events with his friends. He had sacrificed numerous hours of sleep and cherished memories in the pursuit of his future career. He only hoped it’d all be worth it some day.

* * *

“I can’t believe you talked me into this,” Diana bemoaned as the small group walked into the auditorium at Ridgefield Hall. She groaned as she took her coat off. “I can’t believe came all the way from Charlottetown to go to a party in my underwear.”

Anne smiled at her best friend as Diana handed her the coat. “You’re in a slip, not just your underwear, and you look amazing.” After she hung up their coats, Anne looked down at her outfit. “Aside from the fact that I definitely can’t fill this out, how do I look?”

Diana took one look at Anne and rolled her eyes. “What are you talking about? You look incredible.”

“You really do,” Pris encouraged as she fluffed up her hair. “I’m so glad you made it this weekend, Diana.”

“Me too,” she grinned.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Anne practically squealed as she threw her arms around Diana’s neck for the fourth time since Diana arrived three hours earlier. “This weekend is going to go by too fast. I just know it.”

“Well,” Diana began as she smoothed out her slip, “Let’s make the most of it then.”

“I still don’t understand how Anne was able to talk all of us into this,” Fred chuckled as he looked down at his outfit.

“At least you’re in a robe,” Cole pointed out as he looked down at his own outfit. “Thank God the party is inside. Half of us would freeze to death.”

“You aren’t kidding,” Moody added as he took off his coat. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“Looking good, Spurgeon,” Phil smirked as she brought her unlit cigar to her lips. “If the fine folk of Avonlea could see you now…”

“Oh, I’m sure they will,” Charlie laughed. “Social media prevents anyone from getting away with anything these days.”

“Well,” Moody shrugged, “Hopefully we’ll win the group costume contest and I can make a lasting impression on the department.”

“Oh, I definitely think you’ll make a lasting impression,” Phil deadpanned as she watched Moody adjust his fishnet tights to insure the seams were perfectly aligned.

* * *

Nearly a hundred Redmond students showed up for the party. It was intimate enough for Anne to feel relaxed, yet lively enough for everyone to forget the lack of material in their costumes. There was a great mix of first year to fourth year students. Several members of the faculty showed up as well. Anne was grateful that her group were the only ones who decided to do Rocky Horror. She was in awe of the thought and detail put into the other costumes, though. She easily recognized costumes from Chicago, Cabaret, Spring Awakening, Hairspray, Cats, and Hamilton. There were even a few Fantine’s amongst the group.

A wonderful mix of showtunes reverberated throughout the theatre and Anne couldn’t help but to be thankful for the entire experience. This was what she wanted from college—at least socially. She felt like she could be herself, even though she was clad in someone else’s clothing and was pretending to be someone she couldn’t entirely understand. Still, as ‘Hot Patootie’ began to play over the speakers, she knew she had plenty of time to reflect on the evening’s festivities after they were over. Right now, she wanted to live in the moment and that meant finding Cole. As the opening notes rang out through the theatre, she searched him amongst the throng of students on the stage. The moment she finally spotted his leather jacket, she grinned and sprinted toward him, the taps on her shoes clicking the entire way.

When Charlie gestured to the approaching figure behind him, Cole spun around just in time to catch Anne as she jumped in his arms. “It’s our song,” she cooed as the first verse began to play.

“Tell me again why I decided to come here instead of going to school in Vancouver,” he laughed as she hopped out of his arms.

“For this exact moment,” she beamed before she spun under his arm. “How many times have we watched this movie?”

“Enough to know the choreography by heart,” he chuckled as he clasped her hands. “I’m not rolling around on the ground with you, by the way.”

Anne laughed as he spun her around. “Fair enough.”

Both of them sang along as they danced to the song. Several other students danced next to them, but Anne paid them no attention. It was in that moment, that Anne realized just how much she had missed Cole during their final years of high school. Having him around the last few months lessened the pain of not being near Diana. In fact, all of her friends from Avonlea had made the transition from Green Gables to Redmond so much easier than she ever could have imagined, not to mention the fact that most of them agreed to dress up and go to the party with her. She wished that Ruby and Jane were there, but knew that they had promised to go to Jane’s sister’s sorority party a month ago. Still, having everyone else there—even Diana and Fred—made for an enchanting evening. There was another missing, for certain, but Anne knew that he was working as hard as he could in order to achieve his dreams, and she could never fault him for that.

As the song ended, Anne clasped her hands together, elated that the song was on the mix for the party. As she spun around in search of Diana, she noticed someone clad in a white coat walking down the center aisle of the auditorium. The stage lights were the only ones turned on, so it took her a moment to recognize the figure. When she finally did, her smile widened. She wanted to go to him, to hug him, to thank him for making her night complete, but she forced herself to stay exactly where she was until he reached the front row.

As he neared the edge of the stage, she finally walked toward him, the taps of her shoes clicking with every step she took. She placed her hands on her hips as she looked down at him. “You made it.”

“Yeah, we…finished a little early.” Gilbert jogged up the stairs as he made his way onto the stage. “Besides, it’s Halloween.”

“Well, you just missed Cole and my’s big moment,” Anne informed him as she watched him tousle his hair. She tilted her head to the side. “Hmm…” she examined his appearance, “Fake blood, mussed hair, and is that a…” she leaned forward, “a fake mustache?” She grinned. “Dr. Frankenstein, I presume?”

Gilbert took a dramatic bow. “At your service.” When he stood back up he glanced around the room. “I didn’t want to jinx myself by dressing up as the future so…I figured I’d come dressed like how I’ve been feeling the last few weeks.”

“Ahh,” she nodded in approval. “Well, you look great. Ah, that is to say…your costume looks great.”

He looked down at himself before he took a moment to look over Anne’s costume. “Wow. You look…incredible.”

She smiled before she spun around. “Not bad for borrowing most of it from Phil, Pris, and the costume department, huh?”

“Not bad at all,” he smiled. “By the way, I did catch your dance with Cole.”

“And? What did you think?”

Gilbert thought about it for a moment. “It was good, don’t get me wrong. Very true to the show, but…I don’t know. I think I prefer the dance we shared at prom.”

Anne’s smile slowly faltered. Why did he have to bring that up? She wasn’t entirely sure what he was alluding to.

No.

She knew exactly what he was talking about, but since she refused to acknowledge what happened, her only option was to play it safe. “Well, it’s easier to slow dance than to do an upbeat, professionally choreographed dance.” She waited a beat. “Right?”

Gilbert slowly nodded. He had become an expert on when to test the waters with Anne and when to pull back. She seemed so elated when he walked in. He wasn’t about to ruin her mood. “You’re right. Absolutely.”

“Gilbert,” Fred proclaimed as he and Charlie wandered over toward the pair. “You made it.”

“Yeah, I…Sarah and I got done early.”

“Oh? Why didn’t you bring her,” Charlie asked.

“She had other plans.”

“Wait,” Fred glanced at Charlie before he looked back at his best friend. “Who’s Sarah?”

Gilbert opened his mouth to respond, but Charlie was the one who answered. “Gilbert’s lab partner, or so he claims. They’ve been spending a lot of time together. I think something else is going on, but if there is, he’s not saying.”

“Does he ever,” Fred chuckled.

Anne spun around and left in search of someone—_anyone_—else. She had her own theories concerning Gilbert’s relationship with his mysterious lab partner, but definitely wasn’t going to entertain them that night. She wanted to have fun and not think about anyone’s love life—least of all Gilbert Blythe’s.

As if on cue, she felt her phone vibrate in her jacket pocket. She pulled the device out and immediately frowned at the notification. Of course. Of course her MIA, pseudo-brother would text her now. She frowned as she read his message. He was coming back to the island. He was going to be stationed there, but didn’t want Anne to say anything to anyone until he figured out how to let Diana know. Anne chewed on her bottom lip as she typed out a furious response to him. How dare he continue to do this to her? How was she expected to keep this big of a secret from her best friend, who just so happened to be visiting her that very weekend?

Anne nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She relaxed slightly when she realized it was Cole. “You ok,” he slowly asked.

Anne shook her head. She was incandescently happy not five minutes ago, but now, it felt as if the weight of the world were on her shoulders. She wasn’t sure what to do. How was she supposed to pretend that everything was fine when it seemed to be everything but?

“Want to talk about it?”

She shook her head again. No. She was having a wonderful time before Sarah came up and she got that text from Jerry. She wanted to chase that feeling of pure bliss. She wanted to enjoy the night with her friends instead of thinking about how complicated certain facets of her life had become.

The sign she so desperately wanted finally revealed itself as the opening notes of “Time Warp” began to play. She silently thanked whatever deity that heard her silent plea before she quickly grabbed Cole’s hand and made her way toward the rest of the Rocky Horror bunch. Their time had come and for the next three minutes, the stage was theirs for the taking.

* * *

All too soon, the party was over and the spell of the evening faded as the group hung back to help clean up the remnants of the best evening Anne had spent at Redmond thus far. Because of the collective group effort, they were able to get everything back in order in about half an hour.

After Diana and Anne slipped on their coats, the dark haired girl looped her arm through her best friend’s. “That was fantastic,” she beamed.

Anne smirked as she craned her neck in order to look at her best friend. Diana had planned to visit for weeks, but she originally wasn’t supposed to come until the next day. Anne had spent the last week begging her friend to come up one night sooner because she knew she’d enjoy the party. Diana was hesitant at first—especially after Anne revealed which character she wanted her to go as—but as the night wore on, Diana forgot all about it. She knew that Anne was going to pull out all of the stops this weekend in an attempt to get her to transfer to Redmond next fall, and at that moment, Diana had to admit that her best friend was succeeding.

“So,” she glanced at the others, “What’s the plan for tomorrow?”

“Well,” Anne began as they walked out of the building and into the frigid cold. She shivered as the frosty air hit her fishnet-clad legs. “I only have one class tomorrow…Intro to Acting with Moody. We’ve been running monologues all week. We did ours on Wednesday, but if you—“

“Actually,” she interrupted, “Fred and I were talking on the way down here and I want to explore campus for a little while…you know…without a biased person leading the way,” she nudged the girl next to her. “And I definitely want to go into town…”

Anne nodded. “Well, the hockey game is tomorrow and on Saturday, I figured we’d go to some of the shops off campus.”

Diana glanced at the others. “Is everyone going to the game tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Moody answered.

“I’m not,” Pris filled in. “I’m going home this weekend.” She shot Diana an apologetic look. “I hate I’m not going to be here, but that just means you’ll have to come back soon.” She wrapped an arm around the girl. “But at least you’ll have a bed to sleep in this weekend.”

“I’m not going either,” Gilbert informed the group. “I’ll be in the lab tomorrow night.”

“Oh, with Sarah,” Charlie teased with a chuckle.

Gilbert raised his eyebrows in confusion. “She _is_ my lab partner.”

“You’ve spent more time with her than you have with me…and I’m your roommate.”

“Aww,” Moody chirped from behind them. “Sounds like someone’s getting jealous.”

Charlie threw him a look. “I’m not jealous,” he scoffed. “I just think Gilbert needs to come clean about what’s going on.”

Diana elbowed Anne during the exchange. When Anne looked at Diana, she noticed the quizzical look on her best friend’s face as if to ask ‘who’s Sarah?’ Anne merely shrugged in response. She knew about as much as Diana did, yet hated how uncomfortable she instantly felt whenever the mysterious girl’s name came up in conversation.

“You’re going to take some time out of your weekend to hang out with us though, right Gilbert,” Diana prodded.

Gilbert turned to look back at the girls. “Yeah. I’ll be there on Saturday. I just want to make sure that I’m prepared for mid-terms next week.”

“You’re probably ready to perform surgery with how much time you spend in the bio lab,” Moody noted. When Gilbert shot him a look, Moody backpedaled. “But I get it. I mean,” he gestured to the entire group, “We all get it. Your course load is a lot heavier than ours, especially this term.” He turned to Diana and Fred. “I can promise you both that tonight was just a small sampling of the fun we’ll have this weekend. Right Anne?”

The redhead nodded as she gripped Diana’s arm. “Absolutely. You’ll never want to leave.”


	5. Around the Bend

The rest of Anne’s first semester at Redmond flew by in a flash. Even though she missed her family more than words could possibly express, Anne found several productive ways to cope with their absence. She completely threw herself into her studies. When she wasn’t in class or at the library, she was involved with the campus theatre group or out with friends, some of whom were from Avonlea, others she had picked up over the last few months. As her social circle steadily grew, time marched by a little faster.

Despite their hectic schedules, she and Gilbert managed to met up every Thursday afternoon to discuss the various books assigned to him in his American Literature class. Even though they spent the majority of their time at the library studying, they’d often go out to dinner afterwards or Gilbert would walk Anne back to her dorm so they could catch one another up on their lives.

It was the highlight of their week.

By the time Christmas break came around, Anne was more than ready to visit Green Gables. She was quite proud of the fact that she had only given into her homesickness twice during the semester. As she pulled all-nighters studying for her finals, she dreamt of a beautiful carefree month in Avonlea. That was all the motivation she needed in order to buckle down and finish her first semester with a flourish.

Although she was proud of her final grades, she was even more proud of Gilbert, who received an A in his Literature class. She was elated when he told her the good news as he navigated the winding roads back towards Avonlea. She was definitely in the right major, she deduced as her gaze slowly drifted back toward the window. As she smiled softly at the snow-capped fields, she briefly wondered if she would be this happy when her future students exceled in her own class.

Gilbert, for his part, had been more than thrilled when Anne climbed into the passenger seat of his SUV, leaving Charlie and Moody to sit in the back. It didn’t make sense for Moody to waste gas driving his car back to Avonlea, so they decided to all ride back together since Gilbert had more than enough room for him and Anne to join he and Charlie. They weren’t even half way home before Gilbert heard snoring from the back seat.

Anne couldn’t help but giggle at the sound of Charlie’s boisterous snoring. “You had to deal with that all semester?”

Gilbert chuckled. “Yeah. Thankfully, God invented headphones, so I’ve been able to drown him out most nights.”

Anne shook her head. “I think I would kill Pris if she snored like that.” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear as she turned back around to look at the road ahead. “One semester down,” she sighed. “It went by so fast.”

“Probably because you were going non-stop the whole time,” Gilbert chided.

“You’re one to talk,” she deadpanned. After a moment, she sighed. “I liked staying busy. I mean…it kept me from showing up at your dorm at one in the morning to beg you to take me back home.” She glanced at him. “I only caved in that one time.”

He smiled softly at the memory. He hated seeing her so distressed, but he had to admit that he loved being the one who could remedy her homesickness. “And we went.”

She nodded. “You drove me home.”

He cut his eyes to her for the briefest of moments before he turned his attention back to the road. “I meant what I said. Any time you need to go, I’ll be happy to take you.”

“Thank you…for doing that. It helped…a lot, actually…just know that you would…it felt like a piece of home was with me.” She swallowed. “Y-You know, with there b-being so many of us from Avonlea at Redmond and all.”

“I told you we wouldn’t all drift away from one another.” He lightly drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. He wanted to tell her how much he had looked forward to their study sessions and how he had hoped they could continue meeting up next semester, but was afraid of the repercussions. What if she detected that his feelings for her were more than platonic? What if she didn’t want to “tutor” him anymore? What if she realized that he could have aced that class without her help?

“You were right.” She snickered playfully. “How are you always right? It’s kind of annoying, you know that?”

“It’s a gift,” he wryly responded.

“Well, I hope you’re prepared to return the favor.”

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Return the favor for what?”

“I helped you with American Lit this semester. I’m hoping you’ll help me with Chemistry next semester.”

So, she did want to continue their study sessions. “Absolutely,” he nodded as he tried his best to conceal the excitement in his tone. “I won’t be able to do Thursday afternoons next semester, though. I’ve got a biology class at 3:00 that day.”

“We’ll work it out,” she assured him. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

She shrugged. “For everything. For agreeing to help me with chemistry. For the coffee you brought me the morning of my history final. For…For driving me back to Avonlea at 1:00 in the morning just because I was homesick. It means…a lot to me, Gilbert. Having a friend like you there this semester…I honestly don’t know how I would have made it without you.”

Hearing her refer to him as a friend made his heart sink. He knew she didn’t mean it in any particular way. Once upon a time, he dreamt of her referring to him as a friend, but now, he wanted more. He didn’t want to just be her friend. He wanted to hold her hand. He wanted to express his feelings for her without fear of it destroying the very fabric of their relationship. He wanted to dream of a future with her at the center of it. He wanted to be a permanent fixture in her world, not just a childhood rival-turned college friend that she could easily discard five years from now.

He knew he couldn’t reveal his dejection. She would press his change in attitude, then he might be forced to admit something he was certain she wasn’t ready to hear yet. _‘No,’_ he decided as the pair fell into silence, _‘I’ve waited eight years. I can wait a little longer.’_

* * *

They had barely made the turn into the driveway at Green Gables before Anne flung open the door and jumped out of the still-moving vehicle.

Thankfully Gilbert, who knew Anne almost as well as he knew himself, quickly braked before the redhead’s feet hit the ground below. He watched in pure amazement as Anne sprinted toward a waiting Diana and her adopted parents. As he put the car in park, he wondered if she’d ever be that happy to see him.

The time and distance melted away with every step she took toward them. The months of homesickness, of trying to fill her time with anything and everything in order to curb the desire to run home, faded away the moment she saw their faces. For the next month, she would be theirs and theirs alone. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so happy.

She was finally home.

Anne reached Matthew first and practically jumped into his arms as she threw her arms around his neck. Tears shone in her eyes as she reveled in the moment. For—perhaps—the first time in her life, she was completely speechless. Was this real? Was she actually home?

“We saw you turn down the lane,” Marilla told her as she wrapped her arms around Anne. “Diana just got here. We didn’t think you’d be here so soon.”

“We left a little earlier than planned,” Gilbert spoke up as he walked up behind Anne, her luggage in hand.

“Oh, I can take that,” Matthew told Gilbert as he gestured toward the luggage.

“I’ve got it, Matthew,” Anne responded as she pulled away from her best friend. “It’s really heavy and I don’t want your back to go out.”

“I can handle it,” Gilbert insisted. “Just tell me where it needs to go.”

“I’ll show you, Gilbert,” Marilla told him as she walked toward the front door. “Thank you so much for bringing her home.”

“Oh, it was no trouble,” he began nervously as he walked up the front steps. “We were all headed home, so it only made sense for all of us to ride together.”

As Marilla held the door open for him, she glanced back at Matthew. Even though Matthew wanted no part in guessing just what sort of relationship Anne had with Gilbert Blythe, he couldn’t help but to be glad that the younger man seemed to be looking out for her in Halifax. Even though Anne called them frequently, she also wrote Marilla and Matthew letters about all of her adventures.

Matthew couldn’t recall a single letter that didn’t mention the future doctor.

“I’m so glad you’re back,” Diana squealed as she hugged Anne once more. “We have so much to catch up on.”

“I’m afraid a month home won’t be long enough,” Anne answered.

* * *

“I can’t believe I haven’t seen you in almost two months.” Diana flipped the page of the magazine she was reading as she lounged across Anne’s bed. “What’s been going on? I mean, you haven’t told me anything other than the fact that you got straight A’s, which congratulations by the way.”

“Thanks.” Anne gave her a small smile as she unzipped her suitcase. “Well…Moody and I both got parts in a play next semester.”

Diana looked up from the magazine and stared at Anne for a few seconds before she slowly raised an eyebrow at her. “Congratulations,” she deadpanned.

Anne nervously chuckled. She knew that look. She had a feeling she knew what Diana was getting at, but she wasn’t about to let her get there so easily. “What?”

“Don’t ‘what’ me, Miss Anne,” Diana scoffed as she sat up. “You haven’t told me anything about…oh…say…you meeting anyone?”

Anne looked at her for a long moment before she finally shrugged and she pulled out a few sweaters from her bag. “I haven’t met anyone,” she told her best friend after a long pause before she turned toward her dresser and tucked the sweaters into a drawer. “Believe me, Diana, if I had, you’d be the first to know about it.”

“I don’t believe you,” Diana narrowed her eyes. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I feel like it’s time we finally talk about it.”

“Talk about what?” Anne had always considered Diana to be a kindred spirit. They often understood one another without having to say a word, but she had to admit that she was completely perplexed as to why Diana suddenly had that all-knowing look on her face.

“Let’s see: you helped him out with his literature homework all semester, he brings you home, even carried your luggage up to your room for you…Jane told me that sometimes you’ll go to dinner together…just the two of you. So, Anne, please tell me…are you and Gilbert finally—“

“No!” Anne couldn’t get the word out fast enough. Was this really happening? She thought that the rumors about her and Gilbert would go away the moment they left Avonlea, but instead, it seemed as if there were spies in Halifax, eager to report back to those who’d listen. Anne had let the opinions of others affect her friendship with Gilbert in the past. As much as she detested the thought of being the subject of petty gossip, she wasn’t going to let it ruin one of the best friendships she had. “Diana, come on.”

“Come on, nothing. It’s obvious to everyone how much he loves you. He drove three and a half hours from Halifax to Avonlea in the middle of the night because you were homesick. You’re a writer, Anne. You tell me. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is!”

Anne slammed her dresser shut before she squeezed her eyes shut. Had she noticed the way Gilbert looked at her sometimes? Yes. Had she also seen him go out on dates with other girls? Yes. Had he ever said a word to her that implied that his feelings for her were anything other than platonic? No. “He’s hardly my ideal,” Anne answered evenly as she opened her eyes once more and turned back toward her suitcase.

“I know you’re looking for someone tall, irresistibly handsome, proud, and melancholy,” Diana responded dramatically. She pursed her lips. “I mean…at the very least, you have to admit that he is handsome.”

Anne nodded. “Sure.”

“And he’s changed a lot since his dad passed.”

Anne nodded. It was only natural for someone to be affected by the loss of a family member. When Gilbert came back to Avonlea with Bash, he seemed like a completely different person. The innocence of his boyhood had been stripped away and what remained was someone who was a little more serious and seemed to have a mournful cloud hanging over his head most of the time. Even now, Anne could still detect the darkness that rested behind his hazel eyes.

“And he takes a lot of pride in his grades. Maybe even more so than you.” She waited a beat. “How tall is he again?”

“6’1,” Anne answered offhandedly as she pulled out a few scarves from her bag.

Diana smirked. “So…what’s the problem?”

Anne ran her fingers through her hair as she turned to face her best friend. She had been so preoccupied with unpacking and the memory of Gilbert’s grief-stricken gaze that she had completely zoned out of the conversation. “What?”

“It seems to me that Gilbert checks everything off on your list.”

“You’re forgetting the most important part, Diana.”

Diana furrowed her eyebrows. “What?”

Anne crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t love him.”

“Don’t? Or won’t?”

Anne groaned. “Look, I know you’ve made it your mission, for whatever reason, to try to get us together, but I don’t see him in that way, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t see me in that way. I’ve known him for almost as long as I’ve known you. If it hasn’t happened by now, it won’t. He’s a good friend. That’s it. So, can we please just put an end to this, already?”

Diana knew when to push her and when to back off. She knew that she had been laying it on pretty thick over the last year, but she couldn’t help it. She knew they’d be perfect together, but maybe she needed to accept Anne’s word for it. If she didn’t love him—or could even conceive of the idea of being in love with him—then there was nothing more Diana could do. “I’m sorry,” she offered sincerely.

“It’s ok,” Anne assured her. “But since you mention it. What about you? Have you met anyone while I’ve been away that you haven’t told me about?”

“No,” Diana easily lied. She wasn’t sure why she was so apprehensive to tell Anne about everything that had transpired over the last two months. Maybe it was because she wasn’t entirely sure how she felt. Maybe it was because she wasn’t entirely sure how Anne would respond. Maybe it was because she strongly suspected that their entire lives were about to change and wanted—for just one sweet month—to enjoy their youth.


	6. A New Departure in Flavorings

When Gilbert first returned to Avonlea with Bash, Marilla made it her mission to keep a watchful eye on the two young men. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe that they were capable of surviving on their own. Quite the contrary: she had been so proud of Gilbert for heeding his father’s advice to explore the world (although she did wish he had finished school before doing so). Still, Marilla had always had a soft spot for the youngest Blythe, and now with John gone, he was the last surviving member of his family. Her past with John aside, Marilla wanted to make sure that Gilbert knew that there were people who loved him as one of their own. She hadn’t expected him to come back from his adventures with a roommate, but after one conversation, she could tell that the pair seemed more like brothers than acquaintances.

She invited Bash and Gilbert to Green Gables for Easter dinner that year. From that one invite stemmed an open invitation for the boys to join the Cuthbert’s for any and all holiday meals. Even now, with Gilbert and Anne off at Redmond, the Lacroix’s and Cuthbert’s shared at least one meal together a week, only now, Bash was accompanied by his wife, Mary, who insisted that they trade off who would host the meal every week.

Now, nearly two years later, the families were practically inseparable, especially around the holidays. The Cuthbert’s were set to host Christmas, as Mary hosted Thanksgiving two months earlier. Anne knew that the bonding of her family with Gilbert’s only added fuel to the fire as far as the rumors of Anne and Gilbert’s relationship was concerned, but she didn’t care. She loved Bash and Mary and was grateful that her adopted family had such close friends as neighbors. She knew Marilla always had her best friend, Rachel Lynde to lean on, but the Lynde’s always traveled during the holidays, visiting one child or another. This way—even if Anne was in Halifax—Matthew and Marilla wouldn’t be alone on any given holiday.

Anne tried to help in the preparations, of course, but her talents, unfortunately, were not in the kitchen. After one particularly horrifying incident involving the addition of sawdust to pudding, she was mercifully excused from helping to prepare any meals. She had always been better at housework and helping Matthew whenever she could with chores around the farm, but after that particular incident, she realized that cooking would always be the bane of her existence.

Despite that, Anne was excited to share the holidays with her neighbors. She missed the Lacroix’s almost as much as she missed her own family. She couldn’t wait to hear another tale from Bash about his travels around the world and Anne adored Mary. They were a perfect match in Anne’s eyes. There seemed to be a silent give and take between them. They seemed to always know what the other was thinking and the way they looked at one another made Anne absolutely envious. Would she ever meet someone like that? Would she ever feel that way about someone and have that someone feel the same way about her? As much of a romantic as she thought she was, she always marveled at how impossible it seemed to find real romantic love with someone. Still, Mary and Bash found it, and not that long after Bash first arrived in Avonlea. They only dated for a few months before he proposed. They married soon after, eager to make up for the years spent without one another.

And now, a little over a year after their wedding, Mary was expecting their first child.

As Anne marveled at how quickly things could change in such a short period of time, Marilla passed the bowl of mashed potatoes to the young man seated across from her. “So, Gilbert, how was your first semester?”

“It was good,” he nodded as he reached for the spoon. “Busy, but good.”

“You’re too modest,” Mary grinned as she placed some green beans on her plate. “He made straight A's,” she proudly told the Cuthbert’s. Admittedly, she was perplexed by the relationship Gilbert and Bash had when she first met them nearly two years ago, but considering the fact that neither of them had any close relatives, they created their own family. As Mary fell in love with Bash, she came to love Gilbert as if he were a member of the family. She placed a hand on her swollen stomach. “I can only hope this one will follow in your footsteps.”

“I’m sure she will,” Gilbert chuckled. “If you only give her half of the support you’ve both given me the last year, she’ll conquer the world.”

“What about you, Anne,” Bash asked the redhead who sat across from him. “How did you do?”

“All A's,” she smiled.

“I’m not surprised,” he nodded as he chuckled. “You two have been in competition with one another since the day I met you. Makes sense that it would continue in college.”

“Unintentionally,” Gilbert clarified. He recognized the fact that he and Anne had gone back and forth in their academics since Anne first came to Avonlea, but he wouldn’t consider it a rivalry, at least on his part. She pushed him to be better, to study harder, to push the bounds of his knowledge. He had hoped he had done the same for her. Now that they were in college, he hoped that it would become more evident that there never was an actual rivalry between them. “We don’t have any of the same classes.”

“Still,” Bash gave his friend a knowing look, “Old habits die hard.”

“It’s not so much a rivalry as…”

“…as we’re encouraging one another to make the best grades possible,” Anne finished for Gilbert. He gave her a grateful smile in return. So, he mused, she did consider their academic relationship to be a healthy one.

“I think that’s wonderful,” Marilla commented. “Have you met a lot of interesting people?”

Gilbert nodded. Even though he spent the bulk of his first few months in Halifax pouring over his books and practically locked up in the lab, he had met several fascinating people. “I miss Avonlea, but it’s nice to meet people from different places and backgrounds.”

Anne smirked as she pushed around the food on her plate. She knew Gilbert had spent most of the last few months in the bio lab with one particular person.

“So, it’s kind of like the steamer, then?”

“Sort of,” Gilbert began as she shifted his attention toward Bash. “Except we’re all on the same level…just trying to figure out what to do with our lives.”

Anne’s lips formed a thin line before she looked up at the pre-med student. “Yeah, but you already have all of that figured out. I mean…you’ve wanted to be a doctor for almost two years now. After you got caught up in what you missed while you were gone, you went ahead and took some general education classes…while you were still in high school.” She knew her jealousy was showing, but she didn’t care. She had bottled it up for months and knew she had to come to terms with it. She was jealous over the certainty he felt about his future, his commitment to discipline, his inability to accept ‘no’ as answer. She wished she had that kind of drive. As much as she enjoyed helping him the last semester, and even though she was fairly certain she wanted to be a teacher, there was so much more she wanted to do as well. With a longing to be more than that, how could she be certain that she was on the right path? Knowing that none of her doubts were his fault, her tone softened. “I mean…you’re about two steps ahead of the rest of us.”

Gilbert glanced at his plate before he looked back at Anne. “I…I don’t have…everything figured out.” _ ‘Not even remotely,’ _he silently lamented as he looked into the eyes of the one woman who unknowingly held all of the answers to his own unexpressed doubts about the future.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “What don’t you have figured out?”

He held her gaze for a long moment before he turned toward the expectant faces around him. “For starters,” he managed to recover, “I’m…not sure what specialty I want to focus on. I might be a little bit ahead, but I still have a long way to go.” His gaze landed on Anne once more. “Besides, you know what you want to do too, and you’ll get there a lot quicker than I will.”

Anne bit the inside of her cheek as her gaze fell back to the food on her plate. Would that be enough? Would she feel fulfilled enough by teaching alone? It was true that she wanted to be a teacher ever since she first sat in Miss Stacy’s science class freshman year, but over the last several weeks, when she thought to the future, it seemed murky, at best. She wasn’t entirely sure what she wanted now.

Marilla noticed the sudden change in Anne’s demeanor. Perhaps it was the way she slowly sat her fork down or the fact that she allowed such a palpable silence to fall on the table. “Are you ok, Anne?”

“Hmm?” She looked up at Marilla’s expectant face. “Oh, yeah,” she nodded as she shifted her position in the chair. “I’m great.”

* * *

After dinner, Anne was in dire need of some fresh air, so she quickly excused herself while the others began to clean up. She didn’t want the lightheartedness of the evening vanish because she felt so uncertain about her fate. She needed a moment to herself in order to collect her thoughts; however, after sensing a complete shift in her mood, Gilbert also excused himself and followed her out of the house.

“Anne! Where are you going,” he called out as he jogged toward her. He knew that Christmas had always been Anne’s favorite holiday. She had always had a penchant for talking non-stop about anything and everything, but she was different around Christmas. She had a twinkle in her eye and a sense of wonderment that Gilbert found intoxicating. She didn’t care about the presents that awaited her under the tree or about the town’s annual Pantomime. She simply loved being around her friends and family. It was just one of the million (or so) things about her that he found so refreshing. She never took one second of time spent with her family for granted. The only people who could really understand and appreciate that were those who had experienced familial loss. It was one unfortunate thing they had in common with one another: they were both orphans. He was one of the lucky ones. He never had to go through the system. He never had to deal with terrible foster families and be shuffled around from orphanage to orphanage. He found Bash, and then Mary, and while he missed his biological family every day, he knew how fortunate he was to have found another family—filled with just as much love as the first.

“I just…needed some air,” she answered as she buttoned her coat. It was a lot colder outside than she had anticipated, and yet, the sting of the freezing air seemed to rejuvenate her.

“Was it something I said?”

She shook her head before she lowered her gaze and continued her trek toward the barn. It was dark outside, but Anne didn’t care. She knew the farm like the back of her hand and could easily navigate her way around in the dark.

“Then, what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” she lied.

Gilbert stopped walking as he reached out and lightly grabbed her elbow in an attempt to get her to halt her hurried footsteps. When Anne finally turned around to face him, he took a step closer to her. “I may not know you as well as Diana does, but I do know when you’re lying.” He gave her a half smile.

“Oh yeah?” Annoyance crept up in her tone. “How?”

“You can’t look someone in the eye and lie.” He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. “I…uh…figured that out not long after I met you.”

Anne rocked back on her heels as her gaze slowly drifted back to the ground. Was that true? “I’m fine.”

“You see,” he smirked before he glanced at the house behind him. “Look, we can stand out here and argue about it all night or you can talk to me and we can go back inside and enjoy some of the butter tarts Mary made.”

Anne was silent for a long moment before she finally groaned. Maybe she needed to voice her concerns. Maybe saying it out loud would offer her clarity that the last few weeks failed to provide. “Fine,” she huffed before she spun around and stalked towards the barn.

Gilbert lagged a few steps behind her. When Anne opened one of the doors to the barn, he opened the other. She turned on the overhead light before she finally sat down at Matthew’s workbench. Gilbert leaned against it as he waited for Anne to speak. 

She looked down at her hands for a long moment before she closed her eyes and sighed once more. “Lately, I’ve been…unsure about…what I want to do…about teaching.”

Gilbert frowned. “Ok,” he slowly began, “what are you unsure about?”

“If that’s what I really want to do. I haven’t taken a single class for it yet, but the thought of…I don’t…I mean…will it be enough for me? Will I feel fulfilled? Is it really where my passion lies or is there something else out there that might…might make me happier?”

“Do you think that’s what it is, or do you think that you’re just worried?”

Anne furrowed her eyebrows as she looked up at him. “What would I be worried about?”

“Failing?”

Anne shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know.” She sighed. “I…I thought I was ready for all of this. I thought that I was ready to go off to school, to get my degree and start my adult life, but now all I can think about is going back to high school because I’m not ready, Gil. I’m not ready to make all of these decisions. At this point, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready.”

“It seems perfectly normal to me,” Gilbert offered. “We are at a point in our lives where we need to make some decisions, but Anne, not every decision is a permanent one. If you stick with education and realize a year from now, even two years from now, that you don’t want to pursue it anymore, you can change your mind. You don’t have to have everything figured out right now. It’s all a part of growing up. There’s still time.”

“I just…I hate not knowing. I hate not being able to be in control…or even not knowing my own mind. I’ve always known what I want, but now…after only one semester, I’m questioning everything.”

“Well, is there anything else you’re interested in?”

Anne sighed once again. There was something else, but it was ridiculous and something she wasn’t really planning on discussing with anyone, let alone with Gilbert Blythe. She figured she’d talk to Diana about it first, but Diana hadn’t been around as much as Anne had assumed she’d be. Diana typically spent a lot of time with her family around the holidays, but this year, it seemed as if Diana had become a ghost. She hadn’t seen her best friend since the day she came home for break and that was nearly two weeks ago. 

_God. _

Maybe they really were drifting apart? 

Anne shuddered at the thought. Diana was her best friend. She couldn’t imagine her life without the raven-haired beauty in it. It was ridiculous. It was just a busy time in the year. Surely, they would see one another more after the New Year arrived.

“Anne,” Gilbert gently prodded.

Anne looked up at him. Was she actually about to confide in him about this? What if he laughed at her? She blinked a few times. No. He’d never laugh at her passions. “You can’t…tell anyone. Not Bash or Mary…or…anyone.”

“I promise.”

“Because I haven’t told anyone yet, so if this gets out, then I’ll know who—“

“Anne…” Did he really have to say it? When she made no move to continue the conversation, he sighed. “You know I won’t say anything.”

She ran her fingers through her hair. “It’s ridiculous. I’m not sure if I could actually make a career out of it, but…I’ve been thinking about writing…creative writing.” God. It seemed ridiculous to even speak it into existence. When she was younger, she used to write stories every free second she had, but the last few years offered her little free time for it. Besides, writing fantastical stories when she was a child was something completely different from seriously pursuing it as a profession.

Despite the fact that he was shocked to hear that Anne had doubts about her chosen major, he wasn’t surprised to hear what it was that Anne found interest in. The girls used to write short stories all the time, several of which were published in the school newspaper. He had wondered if she had given that up when he came back to Avonlea, but never asked why. He knew that she had been incredibly protective of it. If she wanted to share that with him, then she would have. “Why don’t you take a class?”

She snickered. “Thanks for the brilliant idea, Gilbert,” she wryly responded. “I hadn’t thought about that.”

He shrugged. “You never know until you try. You could always double major. It would mean more work, but we both know that you’re more than capable of handling it.”

She nodded before she lowered her head and placed her palm against her forehead. “I’m sorry.” She knew she was taking her frustration out on him when he didn’t deserve it. “I know you’re just trying to help. I’ve actually been thinking about dropping chemistry in order to take a creative writing class…you know…just to see…” she gave him a small smile, “…and to put off chem for another semester.”

Gilbert couldn’t keep the look of disappointment off his face at the prospect of not having a reason to see Anne as frequently as he had been. Still, if this was something she was seriously considering, he wanted to be supportive. “Then do that,” he told her. “Chemistry can wait until next year.”

She looked over at him. “Are you just saying that to get out of tutoring me every week,” she chuckled. Maybe dropping chemistry and picking up creative writing would be more beneficial for both of them. Math classes had always given her trouble, and while chemistry was considered a science, there was a lot of math involved. Besides, if he didn’t have to tutor her, Gilbert would have more time to focus on his own class work.

He met her gaze with one of his own. He opened his mouth to make some light-hearted remark about her decision being mutually beneficial for both of them, but he didn’t. Instead, he slowly closed his mouth as he stared into her practically translucent gray eyes. Was she able to peer into the depths of his soul at that very moment? Was she unearthing the secret he had kept hidden from everyone for the last eight years? Of course, he knew that there were those who questioned how he felt about the fiery redhead that sat next to him, but he never once confirmed any of those suspicions. If he ever did, it would only be to her.

As the seconds ticked by, Anne grew uneasy under Gilbert’s stare. These moments were rare, but whenever he looked at her like that, her internal alarm would go off and Anne would feel an overwhelming desire to get as far away from him as humanly possible. She cleared her throat as she slowly got up from her seat. “Thank you,” she told him as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Seriously, Gilbert. Talking about it…getting it out in the open…helped. I…I think I will take that class.”

Gilbert diverted his gaze from her. “Yeah, uh…that’s what I’m here for.” He pushed himself off of the table as he followed her out of the barn. “I’m just surprised you haven’t talked to Diana about it yet.”

Anne bit the inside of her cheek. “Yeah, well, she’s been a little…preoccupied. I haven’t seen her at all since we got back.”

“Cut her some slack,” he smiled as he closed one of the barn doors. “They’re still in the honeymoon phase.”

Anne wrinkled her nose. “What?”

It took him a minute to realize that Anne had no clue what he was talking about. How was it possible that she didn’t know? He sighed as he closed his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I thought you already knew.”

“Knew what,” she nervously laughed. ‘_Honeymoon phase?’_

“Diana and Fred have been dating for the last few months.”

Anne’s eyes widened in pure shock. “What?”


	7. A New Interest in Life

Anne wasn’t quite sure what to believe. On the one hand, Gilbert had no reason to lie to her about something so trivial. On the other hand, Diana was her best friend. There was no way she would keep something like this from her, right?

Unfortunately for Anne, Diana was out of town for a few days visiting her father, so all she could do was wait—wait and listen to the Avonlea gossip mill. Anne wasn’t sure why it bothered her so much. Jerry left town nearly seven months ago without a word, which meant that Diana could date whomever she wanted. At the end of the day, all Anne wanted was for her best friend to find some sort of happiness. It was just shocking that Diana had apparently moved on with Fred Wright. Fred, who seemed about as interesting as watching paint dry. He was a nice guy, sure, but Anne never saw him as anything more than just—Fred. Diana certainly never indicated that he was a romantic prospect. He wasn’t Diana’s ideal, that was for sure, but Anne supposed that if she was happy then what more could she ask for?

Anne finally determined that she wasn’t mad that Diana was moving on from her high school sweetheart. 

She was just hurt that her best friend felt the need to hide it from her.

Over the course of the few days that Diana was out of town, Anne had to hear all about the supposed couple’s first date from Josie Pye, of all people. 

Then, she heard about their first kiss from Jane Andrews. 

Jane Andrews! 

Jane Andrews, who didn’t even go to Queen’s. Jane lived on the exact same hall as Anne did at Redmond. How could Jane possibly know what was going on unless Diana told her? Why did Diana feel comfortable confiding in Jane but not her? 

By the time Diana came back to Avonlea, Anne had heard it all. There were even a few rumors that the couple was already engaged, but Anne quickly wrote those off as pure fiction. There was no way that Diana was engaged to someone that she never even bothered to tell her best friend that she was dating.

And what about Jerry? Yes, he abandoned Diana during prom. He had completely fallen off of the planet as far as Diana was concerned, and when he left, Anne was the one who had to pick up the pieces. As devastated as Diana had been at the time, Anne couldn’t help but to wonder how she was able to pivot to someone else so quickly? Diana and Jerry dated for three years, which felt like an eternity at their age. Even though Anne could never see the appeal given the fact that Jerry had always been more like a brother to her, she knew that Diana had been head over heels in love with him. 

For all of her romantic notions and ideals, Anne had to admit to herself that when it came to love and relationships, she had no real experience to draw off of. Was this what being in love meant? Did it mean that you could be with someone for years and then suddenly, you’re separated by some unknown force and then—what? You just move on? Anne couldn’t quite understand how Diana was able to get her heart back after loving someone for such a long time. Where did her love for him go? Did it just die? Did it simply vanish when he did or had it slowly dissipated over the last few months?

Anne was still beyond furious with Jerry for what he did and how he did it, but she knew that, for him, it wasn’t because he didn’t love Diana. It was a matter of pride, of being worthy of her. Anne wondered if she should just tell Diana everything she knew about the breakup and what happened that night.

But would that help the situation, or would it only confuse Diana more? 

If Diana had truly moved on, then what good would it do to bring up the past? It had become painfully obvious that Jerry had no intention of reaching out to the raven-haired beauty any time soon. If Diana was truly happy with someone else, then how could Anne step in and tell her the truth when Jerry had made no move to say anything during the last seven months?

Left with an overabundance of thoughts on the matter and nowhere to release them, Anne decided to write. At first, the plot of the story mirrored that of Diana and Jerry’s relationship. There were two people who had practically grown up together. Eventually, their friendship developed into something deeper. They became each other’s first—everything. It seemed as if their young love had transformed into a more enduring kind until war suddenly broke out. 

Anne considered it much more tragic to have the couple separated by forces beyond their control as opposed to what had actually transpired. Also, in the off chance that anyone should ever actually read the story, Anne didn’t want it to be a direct parallel to her best friend’s life. 

Just as she was in the midst of the dramatic climax in which the heroine receives the tragic news of her estranged beloved’s demise, the barn door swung open and Matthew walked in. Enthralled by her own imagination, Anne didn’t realize that she had company until Matthew placed his hand on her shoulder.

She jumped, startled, then laughed as she turned around to face him. “Matthew,” she gasped as placed her hand over her heart, “You scared me.”

Matthew gave her a small smile. It hadn’t been the first time it happened. “I figured you heard me come in.”

“I guess I was too preoccupied with this,” she gestured to the laptop behind her.

He peered over her shoulder at the device. “What are you working on?”

She shrugged before she glanced back at the screen. “I’m…I’m actually writing something.” It seemed so weird to say. For a long time, whenever she had a spare second, she was crafting one story or another, but the last few years offered her little inspiration. It took her a while to knock the rust off, but as she glanced at the clock on her computer, she realized that she had been typing away for the last five hours. _‘Wow,’_ she thought before she glanced back up at her adopted father.

“Really? I haven’t seen you work on anything in a long time.”

“Yeah,” she glanced at the ground before she looked back up at him. “I think it’s been about three years.” She used to spend hours in the barn writing. Aside from the story club (which consisted of her, Ruby, Diana, and a dilapidated shack in the woods), she found it to be the best place to write. She often tucked herself away in the nook in the loft of the barn and would spend hours lost in far-away lands. Once the shack was demolished, it seemed as if her inspiration has been shattered right along with it.

“I wondered why you stopped. I always liked your stories.”

Anne shrugged. “I got busy when I got into high school. I focused most of my energy on studying and then we formed the AVIS, and I…didn’t have a lot of free time anymore.” While that was true, she also figured that becoming a writer was little more than a pipe dream. Over the last few years, she had decided that it was more prudent to focus her creativity on more realistic pursuits—like becoming a teacher.

“So, what brought this on?”

Anne chewed on the inside of her cheek. She hadn’t planned to tell anyone else about her potential major change, but if she was going to confide in anyone about it (aside from Gilbert, for some strange reason), it would definitely be Matthew. He never once judged her for any of her crazy notions in the past. She knew he wouldn’t start now. “Well, I…I signed up to take a creative writing class next semester. Um…and I was thinking that if that goes well, maybe I could…pursue creative writing as a major.”

Matthew nodded. It made perfect sense to him. Anne was the most creative and imaginative person he had ever met. Writing seemed to be a perfect fit for her; however, it concerned him that she seemed to be nervous to discuss it. “That seems reasonable,” he finally responded after a moment.

“Really? You don’t think that it’s ridiculous? I mean, I know the odds of being published are slim…and that jobs are a lot harder to come by, but…I don’t know. I love writing. I really miss it.” She waited a beat. “But who knows? I could take this class and realize that teaching really is what I want to do, you know?”

“It sounds to me like you have a solid plan either way.” He sat down across from her. “But you can always do both, right? That way you don’t have to have everything figured out right now?”

She gave him a small smile. “You sound just like Gilbert.”

Matthew lightly tapped his fingers against his leg. “You talked to him about this?”

“He’s the only one who knows…well, besides you. We talked about it the other night.”

“A-And he thinks you should do both?”

“He thinks I can do anything I set my mind to.” Of course, she wasn’t entirely convinced that was how he truly felt. Anne briefly wondered if he had been too afraid to speak his mind given their history. Then again, he had never given her a reason to question his encouragement. Anne sighed. She couldn’t even begin to analyze the mystery that was Gilbert Blythe right now. She could only handle one thing at a time.

Matthew nodded. “I can’t argue with that.” He smiled at her. “Anne, do what you love. Whether it’s teaching, writing, both, or neither. Life’s too short to be unhappy.”

Anne leaned back in her seat. “Are you happy? With farming?”

He nodded. “I know it’s not glamorous, but I love plowing and planting crops and taking care of the farm. I didn’t have many options growing up, but now, I…I can’t imagine doing anything else.”

“Do you ever wish you had gotten the boy you and Marilla initially wanted? I mean…he could have helped you out so much more than I ever could. He could have saved you so much time and worry.”

“Anne, from the first day we met, I knew you were meant to be here. We’ve been able to make it work, especially with Jerry helping out for so long and now with Simon and Roger. The farm has never run smoother.” He slowly stood up. “We couldn’t imagine loving any one more than we love you. We’ve missed you so much these last few months, but Marilla and I couldn’t be prouder of you.” He gave her a small smile. “I wouldn’t trade you for a dozen boys.”

Tears filled Anne’s eyes as she stood up and hugged the man she considered to be like a father to her. When she was younger, she often wondered what her parents were like. It wasn’t until she moved into Green Gables that the constant ache she felt at their absence began to subside. Matthew and Marilla were her family. They filled the huge hole in her heart that had been there for as long as she could remember, and while part of her still wish she could have known her biological parents, she wouldn’t wish for any life different than the one she had. She squeezed her eyelids shut as she hugged the older man. “Thank you, Matthew.”

* * *

It was so weird. Anne could almost see the elephant in Diana’s bedroom the moment she entered it. Diana, for her part, seemed as if there was nothing amiss, as if she hadn’t been hiding the world’s worst kept secret from her best friend. If the entire town hadn’t already been discussing it, then Anne would have never known that something was going on. 

It made her nauseous.

In order to get it over with, as soon as Diana closed the door, Anne spun around. “Are you and Fred Wright dating?”

Diana stood motionless as her hand still hovered over the doorknob. She wasn’t sure how Anne found out, but her tone implied that there was no way she would be able to talk her way out of it—not that she really wanted to. The secret had been eating her alive and she had every intention of telling Anne, once there was actually something to tell.

Diana ran her fingers through her hair before she turned to face her best friend in the world. “We are,” she answered softly.

Anne already knew the answer, but she didn’t think she’d get such a direct answer. Her mouth fell open as her bottom lip trembled in shock. “When? How? Why? I—”

“We’ve gone out a handful of times over the last month. It’s not…we’re taking it slow. And…it just…happened.” She walked toward her bed. Once she sat down, she gestured to the spot next to her. She waited until Anne sat down before she continued. “I never wanted to…I never intended to keep this from you. I just…I didn’t want to say anything until there was…something to say.”

“Why?”

“Because…” she sighed, “I know I was…a wreck last summer. And I know you got caught in the crossfire. I never…I never wanted you to have to decide between…between Jerry and me. I know how close you two were and I felt…awful that…that because of me…you two aren’t…close anymore.”

“Diana, that’s not—”

“Fred and I became friends last summer…actual friends. We did so much fundraising and work with the AVIS that…it just…happened. And with both of our best friends at Redmond and us at Queen’s, we sort of…banded together in our misery and hung out with one another a lot over the last few months. It made us miss home a little less.”

“Were you two dating when you came to visit me at Halloween?”

Diana shook her head. “No, it really only began about a month ago. And we’re not…exclusive.”

“That’s not what the town is saying,” Anne mumbled before she glanced at the ground.

Her tone was soft, but Diana heard her loud and clear. “What’s the town saying?”

“Well, rumor has it that you’re engaged…or about to be.”

Diana groaned as she fell back on her bed. She thought about it for a long moment before she finally chuckled.

Anne furrowed her eyebrows. Why was Diana laughing? 

“I get it now,” Diana sat back up before she turned to Anne. “I finally understand. Everyone has been gossiping about you and Gilbert for years…even while he was gone and I never really understood why you seemed to be so annoyed by it since you knew it wasn’t true, but…I think I understand now.” She scoffed. “And in my case, only a sliver of it is actually true.”

“So, you’re not in a relationship?”

Diana shook her head. “Not yet. Like I said, we’re taking it slowly. After everything with Jerry, I don’t…I don’t want to get hurt again.”

“Are you in love with him?”

“I…I don’t know,” she confessed. “It’s different with him. The way I felt about Jerry and the way I feel about Fred…it’s so different. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. With Jerry, it was all so exciting and new. It felt like it was all or nothing, like I was constantly standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to jump at a moment’s notice. Now, I don’t know. I feel so guarded, but he’s just…he’s so patient and thoughtful.”

“Fred Wright,” Anne practically sputtered. Sure, he seemed like a nice guy, but the wistful smile on Diana’s face made it seem as if she were talking about someone else entirely.

Diana chuckled. “No one is more surprised than I am. Trust me. But he is. He’s such a gentleman. He opens doors for me. He’s letting me set the pace because he knows how…I mean, he was there when everything…last summer. He knows I’m scared and that it’ll take time for me to open up, but he hasn’t pressured me about anything. In fact, I kissed him first.”

“Wow.” Anne pulled her knees up to her chest before she wrapped her arms around her legs. “Sounds like you really like him.”

“I do. I really do.”

“Then, I’m happy for you, Diana. You deserve to be happy.”

Diana gave her a small smile. “So do you, you know.”

“So, I guess this means you won’t be applying to Redmond next fall?”

Diana shook her head. “No, I’ve already applied. I learned my lesson the first time to not do anything because of a boy. Fred even…he encouraged me to apply. I don’t know, though. I really like Queen’s, Anne. I know I’m not there with you and I really hate that but being close to home is nice and the arts program there is such a good one.”

Anne could practically see the next three years at Redmond stretch out before her—and it was at that moment that she realized that Diana wouldn’t be there with her. Maybe she was being more careful with her heart this time, but anyone could clearly see how happy Diana was. A pang of jealousy shot through Anne as she listened to Diana gush about all of Fred’s wonderful qualities. When would she find someone who made her smile like that? “All I want is for you to be happy, Diana.”

“Thank you.” She reached for Anne’s hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner. I’m just…we’re just…trying to figure it out.” She waited a beat. “I’m only sorry you had to find out from Josie or Tillie.”

“Actually,” Anne smirked, “Gilbert was the one who told me.”

Diana frowned. “But how would he—”

“Apparently,” Anne smiled, “Fred told him. Seems to me that he’s pretty…smitten with you, too. Gilbert told me he hasn’t been able to stop talking about you and that he’s…really happy.”

Diana couldn’t hide the sheepish grin that formed across her lips. “Really?”

Anne nodded. “He’s a good guy, Diana. I’m happy for you.”


	8. An Unwelcome Lover and a Welcome Friend

The last few days of winter break came and went far too quickly for Anne. After having to endure another gut-wrenching farewell to her adopted family, Anne half-heartedly climbed into Moody’s car and made her way back to Redmond.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to ride back with Gilbert. It only made sense to ride back with Moody as auditions for one of the theatre department’s spring plays was the following week. Since Anne and Moody planned to try out for it, they figured they could use the time to discuss their audition pieces and the play itself.

“Barefoot in the Park,” Anne sighed as she flipped through the pages of Neil Simon’s comedic play while Moody drove over the Confederation Bridge. “I hope we’re both cast. I mean, how great would that be, Moody? It would be just like old times.” Anne read the play over break and while she desperately wanted the role of Corie, she also really wanted Moody to land the role of Paul Bratter, Corie’s newly wedded husband. 

There was a certain level of comfort and trust that had developed between them when they acted together in high school. Anne knew she wouldn’t have to worry about a lack of stage chemistry or whether or not her counterpart had any self-discipline. It always fascinated people that Moody and Anne were able to project a nearly palpable attraction on stage and yet, never felt a romantic attraction toward one another in real life. The truth of the matter was that Moody and Anne never had to think about it. Their relationship was more sibling-like than anything else. There was never any awkward tension, any question, any blurred line that existed between them.

It made acting alongside one another easier and given her course load for the semester, playing opposite Moody in this play would be nothing short of a dream. “We’ve done so many dramas,” Moody told her. “A comedy would be a good change of pace.”

“There are a couple of dramatic moments,” Anne told him as she flipped through the script. “Given the scrapes we used to get into, I have no doubt that we’d be able to channel the comedy. I just wonder if we’ll have to deal with the same ridiculous gossip that we had to in Avonlea.”

Moody shrugged. “I feel like it’ll different at Redmond, you know? Most people who attend performances understand the concept of acting and those who don’t…well, they’re probably too busy with their own lives to even care.”

Anne considered it for a moment. “Good point.” She waited a beat. “Besides, provided we actually get the parts…maybe no one will have a reason to say anything by the time the show runs.”

Moody furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

She smirked as she continued to scan the pages of the script. “Oh, you know what I mean.” When Moody shook his head, Anne closed the book and turned to him. “Come on, Moody. Be honest with me. You know that I’m a wonderful matchmaker, and I know that you’ve been in love with a certain blonde we both know for at least two years now.”

Moody’s eyes widened in horror. “W-What,” he sputtered. “I don’t know what—”

“Moody, let me help. Please? I think she really likes you too.”

“Really?” His tone conveyed a sense of hopefulness that seemed so foreign to her. “Has she…said…anything?”

Anne hesitated. She’d never betray a friend’s confidence and while Moody’s name hadn’t come up in recent conversation, she knew that Ruby definitely had a crush on him while they were in high school. Ruby was single. Moody was single. It was almost too perfect. “No, but trust me,” she practically pleaded. “I can set it all up. I’ll tell her that some of us are going out to eat and…and then cancel at the last minute, which will leave you two alone so you can spend a little time together.”

It wasn’t a bad idea, but it did seem a little obvious. “What about a…double date?”

It was Anne’s turn to furrow her eyebrows as she considered it. “That could probably work, but who would you double with? Everyone’s single right now, I think.”

Moody inwardly cringed, but knew he couldn’t back out now. “What if I told you that I know someone who…would like to go out with you?”

Anne scrunched her nose. “Who? Moody, I’m not really interested in going on a blind date.”

“It…wouldn’t be a blind date.” He lightly tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. “You…already know him.”

“I do,” she slowly asked as her eyes slowly fell to her lap. She picked up the play and glanced from it back to Moody. “From the theatre department?” 

“No. From…home…Avonlea.”

She felt the pit in her stomach swell with every word he spoke. No. No way. Even though they had shared a few awkward moments over the last few years and even though the entire town—including her best friend—seemed to believe they were meant for each other, Anne believed the sudden nausea she felt told her everything she needed to know. She wasn’t going to ask. Asking meant answering and she wasn’t ready to hear it. She’d never be ready to hear it. “Moody, I don’t think—”

“It’s Charlie,” he finally blurted out. “And he’d kill me if I told you but he’s starting to drive me insane. He’s had a crush on you for such a long time and I thought that maybe you two could go out and just…see what happens.”

Anne shook her head as she tried to comprehend what he just told her. Charlie? Charlie…Sloane? The same Charlie Sloane who tried to convince her in 6th that she’d never have any children because she was too emotional? THAT Charlie Sloane? 

She had never once considered Charlie to be anything other than—Charlie. He was one of her tormentors when she first arrived in Avonlea, but over the years, he had (sort of) become a friend. This had to be a joke. She wouldn’t have been nearly as surprised had Moody told her Cole was the one who wanted to go on a date with her. “You’re kidding, right? Charlie’s never—”

“I know, but he does. Trust me.” He paused. “You know Charlie. He’s…shy…about stuff like this.”

“But…but…he and I aren’t anything alike. I mean, we don’t really have anything in common.”

“You never know until you try, right? Why don’t the four of us go out and just…see what happens?”

It sounded like a disaster waiting to happen. “Moody, I don’t know. I don’t like Charlie…in that way.”

He knew it would be a hard sell, but he’d feel a lot more at ease with the whole situation if Anne were there and if he could help a friend at the same time, then all the better. “At least consider it. It doesn’t have to be a date, per say.”

Anne considered it for a long moment. On the one hand, she wanted to help Moody with Ruby, but on the other hand, she didn’t want Charlie to think for one moment that she was interested in him romantically. She shook her head. “This has got to be one of the weirdest situations I’ve ever been in,” she muttered as she turned to look out the window. After another minute of contemplation, she sighed. “Fine,” she grumbled. “I’ve got two conditions though.”

“What are they?”

She looked back at him. “First off, it’s not a date. It’s a group…function. Secondly, if all goes well with you and Ruby, you have to promise me that you’ll ask her out.”

Moody nodded. That seemed fair enough. “Deal.”

As they continued the drive back to school, Anne resumed her survey of ‘Barefoot in the Park’, but she couldn’t really concentrate on the words in front of her. Did she actually agree to go on a double date with Charlie Sloane? She cringed. Even though she and Moody agreed it wouldn’t be classified as such, she knew what everyone would assume. 

She could practically hear Josie’s laughter echo all the way from Charlottetown.

* * *

Anne barely opened her door before she spotted a positively beaming Cole. “So, I hear you have an impending date coming up?”

The redhead groaned as she trudged toward her bed, leaving Cole behind to close the door behind him. “It’s not a date,” she grumbled as she plopped down on her bed. “How did you hear about it so quickly? We’ve only been back for two hours!”

“Charlie’s practically singing about it. I’m surprised you couldn’t hear the chorus from here.”

_'Oh God.' _ Anne looked up at Cole as he sat down at the foot of her bed. “It’s not a date!”

“And trust me when I say that Moody made that point abundantly clear, but Charlie’s acting like he just won the lottery or something.”

Anne whimpered in response. Was it too late to forget the whole thing?

Cole couldn’t help but to chuckle. “How do you always end up in these situations?”

“I was just trying to help Moody with Ruby.”

“And what does Ruby think about it?”

“Well, she’s not singing or anything, but…I think she’s happy.” That was an understatement. The blonde’s face lit up at the prospect of a small group gathering which included Moody Spurgeon. Anne wasn’t about to disclose that information to anyone, especially Cole. She loved him and he was one of her best friends, but he wasn’t good at keeping secrets. She wanted Ruby and Moody to come together of their own volition and not be forced into it. She only hoped that she wouldn’t kill Charlie in the process.

“Are you ready to go?”

Anne shook her head. “No. I’m not going tonight.”

“But you have to. We all promised, remember? Weekly dinners and everyone has to be there the night before the new semester starts.” He smirked. “It was your idea.”

Anne sat up. “Can you promise me that I won’t end up next to Charlie?”

Cole’s eyes practically danced with mischief. It wasn’t that he delighted in his best friend’s misery. He was just impressed and astonished by the lengths Anne would go to for the sake of her friends’ happiness. “Why? I figured you’d jump at the chance. After all, you’re going to be spending some quality time with him this weekend.”

She gave him a wry look. “Cole, come on. Please don’t stick me next to him. I know you can manipulate the seating arrangements. I haven’t figured out how, but I know you do.”

He smiled. “It is a gift, isn’t it?”

“Please? I just want to have a nice meal with everyone without dealing with…this just yet.”

“Alright, alright,” he finally acquiesced. "I know you’re just trying to be a good friend. I’ll give you a reprieve…tonight.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

* * *

By the time she sat down, Anne was ready to murder Cole. A man of his word, he insured that Anne would not be seated on the same end of the table as Charlie. So instead, she sat between himself and Phil, with Gilbert Blythe seated directly across from her. Most of the time, she wouldn’t think twice about being across from Gilbert, but somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew that this was Cole’s attempt to make her feel just as awkward as she’d be if she were across from Charlie.

She couldn’t really explain why she felt so uncomfortable. Gilbert and she were fine—better than fine. They were good friends and that friendship had only strengthened during their first semester at Redmond, but she had to admit that there was something that felt a little off when their eyes met across the table. He seemed…cold. Most of the time, they ended up involved in the same conversation, but this time, even though they sat directly across from one another, Anne engaged in casual conversation with Phil, Moody, and Ruby, while Gilbert maintained conversations with Jane, Charlie, Cole, and Priscilla. She wasn’t really bothered by it, but it was just—strange.

Thankfully for Anne, the awkward silence only lasted through dinner. As the group made their way back toward campus, Cole entertained Charlie while Anne contemplated how she was going to get out of this mess. As she lingered behind the rest of the group, she was pleasantly surprised when Gilbert fell behind with her. “Good day?”

“Weird day,” she answered as she wrapped her arms around herself.

“Yeah, same here,” he confessed as he looked ahead at the rest of the group. “I...uh…I heard that you have a double date coming up this weekend.”

She supposed that he had heard about it given the fact that Charlie and he were roommates, but she was slightly surprised that he’d bring it up. “It’s not a date. It’s a…small gathering.”

Gilbert released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He heard Moody tell Charlie repeatedly that it wasn’t a date, but still, he wasn’t certain how Anne felt about it. “Ok…small gathering.”

She knew he was trying to figure out how it all came about. Normally, she’d try to make him squirm a little bit, but she was too tired to even attempt it. “I’m trying to help Moody out with Ruby and he thought it would be better if…they were in a group setting and asked me if I would go with them.”

“With Charlie.”

Anne cringed. “Moody told me that he’s uh…interested in me, I guess.” Hours later and it still felt weird to say. “I don’t know. It’s weird.” She glanced at him. “I mean, it’s weird, right? I’ve known Charlie for so long…since I moved to Avonlea. I can’t see him as anything other than…than someone I grew up with.” She waited a beat. “It would be like…like dating a sibling or something. There’s just…nothing there.” She shrugged. “But I guess it would be like that with anyone from home though…you know? Anyone that I’ve known for that long.”

Gilbert’s gaze fell at the ground as her words sunk in. It shouldn’t surprise him at this point, but his perpetual state of confusion surrounding the girl next to him grew exponentially with every passing day. Some days he was convinced that she felt the same way, but then, she’d manage to find a way to bring him back to earth. “Maybe it wouldn’t be…so weird…to date someone you’ve known for a long time.” He waited a beat. “I mean…if it’s the right person. Look at Diana and Fred. They’ve known each other for a few years now and Fred seems deliriously happy.”

“Yeah, but...he moved to Avonlea when we were in high school.”

“What about Ruby and Moody then? They’ve known each other…forever.”

“Yeah, but that’s different,” she reasoned after a long moment.

“How so?”

“They actually like one another,” she ventured. She glanced at him before she continued. “Maybe I’m being too hard on Charlie? I mean…it’s flattering, I guess, but can you honestly tell me that you can see me ending up with Charlie Sloane?”

Gilbert considered it for a long moment before he finally looked over at her and smirked. Anne gasped before she elbowed him playfully. “Don’t be a jerk,” she chuckled. “I’m serious.” Her smile faltered slightly. “I know this might come as a shock to you…and believe me, I was surprised to realize it myself, but I value your opinion. What do you think about all of this?” She slid her hands into her coat pockets. “Be honest.”

A small smile formed at the corners of his lips. “Wait a minute. I think I misheard you. What did you say?” When Anne looked at him in confusion, he lifted his eyebrows. “Something about valuing my opinion?”

“Oh, shut up,” she laughed as she nudged him. “I can feel your ego tripling in size right now.”

“No, no, no,” he shook his head as tried to hide his smile. “But seriously…can you say it just one more time?”

“Gilbert Blythe,” she swatted at his arm. “Never again. I am done paying you compliments.”

“I’m kidding. I’m kidding,” he chuckled. “What did you want advice about?”

“What do you think about the whole…Charlie…situation?”

His smile slowly faded as he turned to look ahead once more. He slid his hands into the pockets of his coat before he cleared his throat. It felt like he was in between a rock and a hard place. Charlie was his roommate and one of his best friends, but this was Anne. “Just be honest with him. Try to make it clear that it’s not a date…it’s just a group outing and maybe if the opportunity strikes and you’re alone together, let him know that you’re trying to nudge Ruby and Moody together.”

“They’d make a good couple, don’t you think?” Anne looked up at the slowly disappearing group in front of them. “I mean…it would be worth it in the end…to sacrifice a few hours in order to push those two together, right?”

Gilbert let out a long breath. “Moody’s had a crush on Ruby for…well, forever, if I’m being honest. He never really thought he had a chance when we were in high school. She always seemed…” he glanced at Anne “…completely unattainable…to him.” It was a feeling he knew all too well.

Anne smiled softly as she watched the pair shyly interact with one another about fifty feet away. “It’s quite romantic when you think about it. He’s pined over her for so long and now he’s finally getting the chance to see what might happen.” She glanced down at the pavement in front of her. “I guess it’ll be worth it.”

Gilbert was silent for a long moment as thoughts of Moody and Ruby faded into thoughts about his feelings toward the woman next to him. Finally, he looked at her. “Just don’t break his heart, Anne. Charlie’s one of my best friends and you can’t…you can’t really help who you…like.”

“I know. I do consider him a friend and I’d never want to…” She couldn’t quite find the words. Finally, she laughed. “This is completely new territory for me. I mean…I’ve never been put in this position before.”

“What about when Billy Andrews asked you out in 10th?”

Anne scrunched her face up in disgust. “Ugh. That was horrific. He bullied me for years and suddenly, he wanted to take me out on a date?” She shuddered. “No. That was different because I didn’t care how he felt. Charlie’s a good guy. I just don’t…see him that way. I mean…we all grew up together. I know what you said about the others, but still…it just seems…weird.”

“Not…that weird,” he mumbled. When Anne turned to look at him, he gestured to the group in front of them. “I mean…just with what I said before…about Moody and Ruby…Josie and Billy…Diana and Fred…even Diana and Jerry.”

She shrugged. “Yeah. I guess you’re right. If it’s the right person, I guess anything’s possible.”

“I have to hand it to you, Anne. You’ve got great taste.” When she gave him a questioning look, he smirked. “Coming to me for advice and all…because you value my opinion so much.”

Anne chuckled. “You are such an egomaniac Gilbert Blythe, you know that?”

He laughed. “I’ve been called worse.” It was all a façade, of course. While true that he didn’t doubt his confidence in most things, when it came to Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, he was in a perpetual state of insecurity. It was one of a dozen reasons why he hadn’t told her how he felt about her. 

* * *

Anne had about a handful of monologues she preferred to rotate in and out whenever she auditioned for a role. Often it would depend on the part or simply her mood as to which one she’d audition with. On that crisp Tuesday afternoon, she opted for Emily’s monologue at the end of “Our Town”. She couldn’t really put into words how she felt that morning. So why not try to channel her confusion into Emily Webb and the barrage of emotions she projected at the end of one of her favorite plays?

The not-a-date date with Charlie went about as well as Anne expected. Her stomach churned the moment she and Ruby met up with the boys. Charlie seemed so happy and eager to spend a few hours with her. Perhaps things would have gone better had he channeled that energy into a conversation with her, but he seemed so anxious that words seemed to completely fail him. Anne, who could find common ground with anyone, found it difficult to maintain any sort of conversation with him. She tried talking about home, memories of growing up, mutual friends, school, and finally—after every subject had already been exhausted—she settled on the weather. 

She spent the entire night trying to subtly reinforce the fact that it wasn’t a date, that they were just friends, and that it was always good to spend time with friends, but by the end of the night, as Ruby and Moody walked in front of them, Charlie leaned over and tried to kiss her.

That was the final straw and the boost Anne needed to tell him in no uncertain terms that it wasn’t a date and that while they were friends, if he tried to do that one more time, she’d never speak to him again.

She spent the rest of the evening silently thanking the parents she never knew for her quick reflexes. There’s no way she’d ever forgive Charlie if that had been her first kiss.

She shuddered at the thought.

That Monday morning, she wondered if she had reacted too harshly. So, right after her creative writing class, she wondered over to the boys’ dorm, where she was greeted by Moody who, after thanking her profusely for going with them, told her not to worry about Charlie. He had already shifted his affections to one of the girls in his French class.

While grateful that Charlie had pivoted his ‘affection’ toward someone else, Anne was still trying to forget the entire thing ever happened by the time she stepped on stage that Tuesday morning.

By some miracle, she was able to channel some of her anxiety on her performance, but she was more than happy when it was finally over and she was free to go back to the dorm and lay down for a while. She entirely wasn’t sure what was wrong with her. Maybe she was coming down with something?

Either way, she had barely taken two steps out of the building before she spotted a familiar figure jogging toward her. She offered up the best smile she possible could as he approached her. After all, the insanity of the last few days wasn’t his fault. “Hey.”

Gilbert furrowed his eyebrows the moment she spoke. “You don’t sound very happy. Bad audition?”

Anne glanced at the building behind her before she turned back to Gilbert. “No, actually, I think it went really well.” She waited a beat. “Wait…you remembered my audition was today?”

“Of course,” he responded without thinking. When Anne’s gaze lowered to the ground, he quickly came up with another reason. “I mean…Moody’s been practicing nonstop for the last 24 hours.” He cleared his throat as he hoped she’d buy it. Normally, she wouldn’t think twice about him being anywhere she was, but he could tell that something was wrong with her. “Where are you headed?”

“Back to my room,” she responded as she looked back up at him. “I’m feeling a little…off today. I’m not sure if I’m coming down with something or if it’s just…the winter blues.” She felt tired, anxious, and completely lethargic.

“Hmm.” He placed the back of his hand against her forehead before he moved it to her cheek for just a few seconds. Normally, he wouldn’t think about being so daring, but in that moment, he had his future physician hat on and concern over her well-being far outweighed the butterflies-turned-boulders that slammed against his ribcage whenever she was around. He removed his hand as he took in her slightly pale appearance. “You don’t have a fever.”

Anne sighed. “That’s good, at least.” She shook her head. “I’m probably just homesick.” She pursed her lips. “Where are you headed?”

“Just got out of anatomy,” he answered. “I didn’t know if maybe you wanted to grab a coffee and tell me all about your date the other night.”

Anne groaned. “It wasn’t a date!”

He gave her a small smile. “I promise, I won’t tease you anymore…today, at least…since you’re feeling bad.”

She gave him a wry smile. “Thanks. You’re buying, by the way. Call it an admission fee.”

“Deal.”

* * *

By the time Anne and Gilbert made it to Marie’s—a small coffee shop located on the outskirts of campus—Anne felt a little bit better. Maybe she just needed a walk in the wintry air. Maybe she just needed to get off-campus for a bit. After the pair ordered their coffee, they made their way toward one of the few tables in the small café. Anne immediately felt the warmth from the sun’s rays seep through the window when she sat down, so she slid out of her coat, which suddenly felt a little too warm on her.

“So,” Gilbert began as he sat down in front of her, “Do I even need to ask or are you just going to tell me how everything went the other night?”

“I figured Charlie told you all about it. If not, then I’m sure Moody did.”

“I know enough to fill in some of the pieces, but as you well know, there are two sides to every story.”

Anne crinkled her nose. When she opened her mouth to speak, the barista came with their drinks. The act of stirring her latte gave her another moment to consider her response. After all, Charlie was one of Gilbert’s closest friends and the last thing she wanted was to make him mad. “It went about as well as I imagined,” she answered evasively.

“Ah,” Gilbert nodded. “Were you able to let him down gently?”

Anne scoffed as she sat her spoon down on the saucer. She lifted the cup to her lips and cut her eyes up to him. “Do you want to know the truth?”

Gilbert furrowed his eyebrows, but nodded. “Of course.”

“I tried.” She took a sip of her coffee and sat the cup down before she continued. “Gilbert, I really tried. I kept talking about how it was nice to go out with friends and just hang out and grab some food. When he didn’t seem to get that hint, I reiterated the fact that we were friends and that we were just hanging out. When he reached for my hand when we were walking back to the dorm, I told him flatly that it wasn’t a date. Then, he…” She crossed her arms over her chest. “He tried to kiss me.”

Gilbert nearly spit out his coffee at that last statement. Charlie had conveniently left that part out. “I’m sorry, he what?”

Anne nodded. “Moody and Ruby had gotten ahead of us and I wanted to give them some space because the only reason I…was to help them get together but then, I turned to look at Charlie and he was right here,” she brought her hand up to about an inch from her face. “So, I literally had to dodge him and Gilbert, I’m sorry. I know he’s your friend and…most of the time, he’s mine too, but I made sure he knew in no uncertain terms that it wasn’t a date and that it would never, ever happen between us in a million years and that if he tried to do that again, he’d end up with a broken nose and I’d never speak to him again.”

Gilbert knew that Anne was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. It was a lesson he learned the first day they met when she smacked him with a tablet after he pulled her hair. He knew it wasn’t his finest moment, and while they were well past his boyish teasing, this was something else entirely. He was pretty levelheaded most of the time, but hearing that Charlie tried to kiss her made his blood boil. He wanted nothing more than to head back to his dorm, where he knew his ‘friend’ was sleeping and pummel the life out of him. Still, as badly as he wanted to, the wellbeing of woman who sat in front of him was the only thing that mattered. “This is probably a stupid question, but…are you ok?”

Anne looked up at him and scrutinized his face for a long moment. The sudden shift in his tone and mood, from playful banter to what could only be described as a simmering anger was unlike anything she had ever seen from him. His eyes had visibly darkened, his jaw was clenched and Anne worried that he’d shatter the mug he gripped as his knuckles turned white. In her life before Green Gables, she had to deal with a steady stream of anger and violence. She was traumatized from the things she was forced to endure, but there was something about seeing the barely restrained rage on Gilbert’s face—for the first time ever—that completely unnerved her. She wasn’t scared of him. If he didn’t seem so upset, she’d laugh at the very idea, but she could tell he wasn’t assumed by her story in the least bit. “I’m fine,” she assured him. “It’s Charlie. I don’t think he was…trying to force himself on me or anything. I just think he wasn’t really listening.” She leaned back in her seat. “Maybe he was just nervous or something and just thinking ahead instead of actually listening to what I was saying.” She glanced out the window before she looked back at him. “Are you ok?”

It was such an easy question. One in which Gilbert always responded the same way, no matter his actual mood, but with the anger he felt at that moment still flowing through his veins, he wasn’t sure if he could dismiss this mood so easily. Then again, this was one of those rare occasions in which he was able to see her, let alone have a full conversation away from everyone, and he wasn’t about to waste it talking about Charlie Sloane. If Anne was ok—and knowing her the way he did, she seemed fine—he was willing to drop it and move on to other topics. “Yeah,” he unclenched his grip on his mug before he leaned back in his chair. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He took a deep breath. “So, tell me about your audition. What’s the play?”

Anne was grateful for the subject change. “Barefoot in the Park. I think the audition went well…despite feeling…not quite myself today.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “I hope it works out. Obviously, I would love to get a role, but…”

“But?”

She sighed. “I found out that opening night is on my birthday, which isn’t a big deal, but I…I was hoping to be able to sneak back to Avonlea for a long weekend.” She reached for her cup. “I mean…if I get a part, it’ll be the first year since I came to Green Gables that I won’t see Marilla and Matthew on my actual birthday.” She took a sip. “Which I know isn’t the end of the world and I know that it’s unrealistic to see them on my birthday every year but I…” She couldn’t quite find the words to describe how she felt. “It’s stupid. Forget about it.”

“Why not invite them to come and see you in the play?”

Anne shrugged. “They like to stay close to home, Matthew especially. And it’s around the same time that he starts planting some of his crops and…I don’t know. It’s not a big deal. I can always find another time to go visit them.” She thought about it for a moment before she finally nodded. “Yeah. Totally not a big deal. And hey, who knows? If I don’t get a role, I can just…go home. So, either way, I’ll have something to look forward to.”


	9. Facts and Fancies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in less than a week? I'm just as surprised as you are. I pay a little homage to one of my favorite movies during part of this chapter. I tried to keep it relatively vague, but if you get it, I love you.

* * *

Over the last few years, Anne had developed a very specific methodology for memorizing lines. First, she’d read through the entire play and highlight all of her lines while she listened to a carefully curated playlist which (in her opinion) reflected the general mood of the play. Afterward, she’d write out her lines, careful to align any given scene with the proper track from her playlist. Then, she’d tape her lines on a mirror while she practiced. She would make note her own natural reactions, compare them to the stage direction, then determine the best way to approach the more emotional elements of the script. She’d scrutinize one scene at a time and made sure that it was the very last thing she read before she went to sleep. Finally, when she felt confident that she had a decent grasp on the material, she’d try to meet up with her scene partner at least once outside of practice in an attempt to establish a rapport with their characters.

Two weeks into rehearsals and she still couldn’t believe that Moody was the Paul to her Corie. It made her incredibly chaotic life a little more bearable.

She was constantly on the move, whether it was to class, rehearsal, or the library to work on one project or another. The only time she spent in her room was when she was memorizing her lines or working on a writing assignment. She had no real social life to speak of. The only people from Avonlea she regularly saw were Moody and Cole. Play rehearsals tied her and Moody together while Cole went out of his way to make sure that Anne scheduled a few hours to hang out with him every week.

Of course, she also saw Gilbert at least once a week at the library, but she definitely wouldn’t consider it a social event. It was purely coincidental—at first. She nearly ran over him in the stacks one snowy Wednesday. The next Wednesday, she spotted him at the table they used to study at. They quickly realized that even though their class schedules were opposite one another, they had scheduled time to study at the library at almost the same time on Wednesdays. Knowing that they were capable of being quiet while they worked, they decided to share a table. Gilbert typically studied biochemistry and physics, while Anne primarily focused on her psychology and human development classes. 

They didn’t spend much time talking. They simply didn’t have the time for it. Anne considered it a relief to find a familiar face amongst the throng of anxious students. Gilbert always arrived before she did, but had to run off to the chem lab about half an hour before Anne went to her writing class, so there was no time to grab a coffee or have an early dinner; however, that didn’t stop Anne from picking him up a cup of coffee on her way in and Gilbert almost always had a croissant waiting for her when she arrived. 

Once play practice began, Anne would go to the guys’ dorm to run lines with Moody while Cole was in class. If they felt they needed a little more time to hammer out some problematic areas, they’d schedule some additional time for Moody to come to Anne’s dorm while Priscilla was in sociology class. 

Of course, Moody didn’t mind it at all. It gave him an excuse to go visit Ruby afterward.

Anne smiled as she reflected on the last month. Some good had come from that horrific night. Ruby and Moody were spending more time together, had gone on a handful of dates, and were now well on their way to becoming a full-fledged couple. Initially, she wasn’t sure how comfortable Ruby would be with her and Moody playing husband and wife in the play, but thankfully, now that she was no longer under the influence of Josie Pye, she didn’t seem to mind at all. A new sense of self-confidence emanated from the blonde and Anne wondered if it was because she was finally able to think for herself or felt confident in the fact that Moody only had eyes for her.

Either way, Anne was relieved that she wouldn’t have to deal with any outside drama surrounding the play. She loved her friends dearly, but she simply didn’t have time to placate anyone’s ego.

As it was, she barely had time to maintain a text conversation with her best friend. It had finally gotten to the point that Anne had to force herself to set a reminder to respond to any text from Diana before she went to sleep.

But now, on a frosty Saturday night, Anne stared at the words on the screen in front of her and wondered if she could actually make something out of the piece she had just begun to write. She had long since abandoned her tragical lovers-torn-apart-by-war story. No matter which way she spun it, Diana and Jerry leapt from the pages and there was no way she was going down that road—not when Diana seemed so happy with Fred.

Her writing assignment was simple: create a work of fiction based off of a defining moment from the last 12 months. Initially, Anne wasn’t sure what to write about. Nothing too earth-shattering had happened to her in the last year—aside from leaving Green Gables—but she figured that wouldn’t be an interesting enough read. After thinking about it for a few days, two events came to mind: one she wasn’t about to put into words and the other—well, she decided, nearly drowning would definitely make for an interesting story.

_‘Cordelia Fitzgerald,’ _she began as she thought back to that warm summer afternoon,_ ‘with hair as bright as the sun and smoother than the finest of silk, always longed for adventure. Unfortunately, the world she loved to live in offered her little exploration outside of what her vivid imagination could conjure. So, one beautiful summer day, she gathered a few of her friends around the Lake of Shining Waters with one goal in mind: If adventure wouldn’t come to her, she’d chase it._

_Alfred Lord Tennyson had always been a favorite of Cordelia’s, ‘The Lady of Shallot’ in particular. That fateful day, Cordelia climbed into a small canoe that her best friend’s father owned, determined to reenact Elaine’s final journey to Camelot. After bidding their fallen friend farewell, her friends nudged the tiny vessel onto the lake. The moment they were certain she was on her way toward her final destination, they traipsed toward the other end of the lake to receive her._

_Cordelia, completely swept up in the melancholic moment and Tennyson’s hypnotizing prose, failed to realize that the canoe had a small hole at the bottom and water was rapidly filling the small vessel. In fact, it wasn’t until it finally rocked onto its side, that Cordelia’s eyes shot open and she realized her predicament._

_The most tragic part of all was the fact that Cordelia Fitzgerald couldn’t swim._

_Eyes wide and fearful that her end had come, she frantically paddled her way toward the small bridge that ran across the middle of the pond. The canoe sank just before she was able to reach the bridge. She slipped underneath the surface of glistening water, but thankfully, her long limbs allowed her to reach out and grip one of the posts underneath the bridge. She wrapped her arms firmly around the beam while she tried to figure out if there was any way she could somehow climb up and make her way onto the platform. After three failed attempts to shimmy up the beam, she reached for the post once more and hoped that someone would soon come to her rescue._

_She didn’t have to wait long. Moments after her final failed attempt to climb up the beam, she spotted a nearby canoe, not unlike the one that landed her in this mess in the first place. She squinted in an attempt to figure out who her liberator was, but the sun’s rays prevented her from seeing his face. In fact, it was only after until he spotted her that she realized who had come to her rescue._

_He was a friend of the family and while they had known one another for years, it wasn’t until recently that she had actually begun to refer to him as a friend, even though the term didn’t seem to capture the true nature of their relationship. _

_Normally, she wouldn’t care what anyone thought of her, but Andrew Elliot had a knack for showing up during her worst moments. Cordelia briefly contemplated letting go of the beam entirely and letting the lake devour her, but after a moment, she realized how ludicrous that sounded.’_

Anne’s fingers hovered over the keyboard as she tried to remember what he said to her that day. In an attempt to clear her mind, she leaned her head back and closed her eyes.

_“Anne, what are you doing,” Gilbert Blythe asked the drenched redhead as she clung onto the post for dear life. _

_She quickly realized that he seemed completely amused by her plight. “Nothing,” she grunted as she tried to strengthen her grip on the post. When he made no move to help her, she finally sighed. He wasn’t going to help her until she explained herself. ‘Well,’ she thought, ‘If he wants a story, I’ll give him one.’ “I was fishing.”_

_“Fishing,” he slowly echoed._

_“For lake trout.” She could immediately tell that he didn’t believe her and strangely enough, she was glad he didn’t. What idiot would go under the bridge to fish?_

_“For lake trout,” he repeated as evenly as possible._

_She nodded, despite the fact that she could tell he was biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself from laughing. _

_She was relieved when he finally maneuvered the canoe in order to get as close to her as possible. He offered her a hand in order to help steady her as she climbed onto the canoe. Without a second thought, she eagerly took it. The moment she was settled in, she released his hand. She shivered before she wrapped her arms around herself. _

_“Are you cold?”_

_“No,” she answered stubbornly. “It’s a beautiful summer day.” She immediately shivered despite her best attempt not to do so._

_“And the lake is freezing,” he pointed out. “It’s barely June, Anne.” He quickly reached for the buttons on his shirt. _

_Anne’s eyes widened when she realized what he was about to do. “No, I’m…I’m fine, really. Can you just…row me to shore? Diana, Ruby, and Jane are…waiting for me.” She cleared her throat. There was no way she’d literally take the shirt off his back. They were friends now, but that would be a little too much, a little too soon._

_She was grateful when he resumed his trek toward the shore._

_“Waiting for you?”_

_Anne sighed. She supposed the least she could do was to tell him the truth. “Well, if you must know, I was pretending to be Elaine on her final voyage to Camelot. I was in Mr. Barry’s canoe, but I guess it had a hole or something because…well, it sank. Thankfully I made it to the bridge or…well…”_

_He furrowed his eyebrows. “You don’t know how to swim?”_

_“When would I have learned? Growing up, I was bounced around from foster home to foster home until I came here and Matthew and Marilla don’t play around in the water too often.” She waited a beat. “I probably should really learn, huh? I mean, I’ve always wanted to, I just…haven’t really thought about it.”_

_“If you’re going to re-enact Tennyson, I would suggest you learn how to swim, yes,” he chuckled._

_“Thanks,” she responded dryly._

_“I could teach you. I taught Bash how to swim and there’s no way you’d be any more difficult to teach than he was.”_

_She stared at him for a long moment. It had been a month since their little interlude at prom and while she was grateful that he hadn’t brought it up, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to tempt fate just yet. “Maybe.” She looked out ahead. “I wonder where they are.” _

_“Maybe they got side-tracked?”_

_“Yeah…” she turned to face him once more. “Maybe.” _

_When they finally reached the shore, Anne climbed out of Gilbert’s canoe. The five-minute ride did little to dry her off as water continued to cascade down her slim form. The lavender slip dress she borrowed from Diana helplessly clung to her figure. One of the thin straps slid off her right shoulder when she stood up. When she turned to face Gilbert in order to thank him, she froze. Their eyes met in an instant and, in that moment, she felt something strangely akin to what she felt during prom. He was staring at her as if she—as if she—_Anne couldn’t bear to finish the thought.

Her heart raced as she snapped herself out of her reverie. _That_ was the look she had spent the following two months actively running away from and now she was attempting to write about it? She looked down at the screen. 

Fiction. 

This is purely a work of fiction based off a real event. Anne closed her eyes once more. No. This wouldn’t work at all.

She leaned back in her chair and placed her hands over her eyes. When Gilbert’s spellbound gaze filled her mind one again, Anne quickly opened her eyes. She leaned forward and opened a new writing tab. “Leaving home for the first time it is,” she muttered to herself.

* * *

Try as she might, she couldn’t get that image of Gilbert out of her mind. Hours later and she was on the verge of marching over to his dorm room to demand to know what that look meant, even though she already had a pretty good idea. She had become completely unsettled by the memory of something that had happened over seven months ago. “It’s ridiculous,” she whispered before she reached for her dorm key, wallet, and phone. “Absolutely ridiculous.” 

As she jogged out of the building, she called the one person who would be able to prevent her from over-romanticizing something she had just spent months repressing the memory of. “I’m such an idiot,” she muttered as she placed her phone to her ear. “Cole,” she greeted when she finally heard his voice. “Hey, do you have plans for dinner tonight? No, I was thinking we could go off campus. Yeah, I’ve been working on this stupid assignment all day and I just need to…get away for a bit. Yeah. No, Italian sounds great. Perfect comfort food after a long week. Yeah, it’s about halfway between us, so I’ll meet you there. Great.”

It was definitely a splurge for poor college students, but at that moment, Anne didn’t really care that she’d have to spend the next two weeks eating at the dining hall. As she quickly crossed the street, she made it to Bello Italiano in record time. She was slightly out of breath when she arrived but couldn’t remember if she had sprinted the entire way there. She was by no means out of shape, but she wasn’t someone who preferred to run across campus unless she was running late for something. In fact, the last time she willingly ran anywhere was when she was back in Avonlea the previous summer.

_‘Stop thinking about last summer,’_ she silently pleaded before she told the hostess that she had a party of two. She unbuttoned her coat as she followed the hostess to a booth in the back corner of the restaurant. As soon as she placed the menus down on the table, Anne thanked her and slipped out of her coat. As she smoothed out the sleeves of her sweater, she glanced around the packed restaurant. It was a lot more crowded than she figured, but it was Saturday night, after all. 

Just as she was about to sit down, she spotted a familiar face a few booths away from her. Her throat ran dry as she slowly sank to the bench. _‘Oh my God,’_ she thought miserably as she briefly considered running out the door screaming. ‘_Cole, where are you?’_

She didn’t have to wait long. Moments later, her friend arrived and found Anne practically shielding herself behind the menu. “What are you doing,” he asked as he took his coat off.

“Nothing,” she lied as she sunk further down in her seat. She hoped that Gilbert wouldn’t look their way and notice Cole. The last thing she wanted at that moment was to actually talk to him.

“Ok,” he slowly responded as he sat down. “Who are you hiding from?”

“No one,” she answered as she held the menu up a little higher. “I’m just trying to figure out what I want to eat.”

Cole decided to let it slide for the time being. He knew when to push Anne and when not to. After they gave the waitress their order, he gave her a small smile. “So, how’s the writing going?”

“Horribly,” she answered as her eyes slowly drifted a few booths down from where they sat. She quickly determined that Gilbert Blythe was definitely sitting over there and that he was not alone. She wondered if he saw her come in. Then she wondered who he was with. She didn’t think it was anyone she knew but couldn’t be certain. It was Saturday night. He could very well be on a date. The memory of last summer quickly came charging back at her and she squeezed her eyes shut. “I think my imagination has finally gotten the better of me,” she finally admitted.

“Really? What happened?”

Anne slowly exhaled. “Well, this week, my creative writing professor wanted us to draw from life…to pick an event from the last twelve months and write about it.”

“And you picked…”

Anne slowly realized that she hadn’t told Cole about her near fatal drowning. She had been able to repress it so well that by the time they reached Redmond, it was little more than a comical anecdote. “I…sort of almost drowned last summer.”

“What?”

“It’s a…long story, but when I was writing about it, I feel like…fact and fiction sort of blurred or something because now I just…I feel like my imagination has distorted the actual memory and I can’t…I can’t get it out of my head.”

“What’s it distorting?”

Anne’s gaze slowly fell down to her hands. “I’m…I don’t want to say. Because I know what you’re going to say and I just…I’m not up for that debate tonight. I just need…to get my mind off things.”

He was completely confused and more than willing to drop it if she wanted to. “Ok…if you’re sure.”

She nodded. “Yeah. Talking about it…won’t help.”

“It might,” he offered one final time. “Look, I know that I…challenge you sometimes, but Anne, you can trust me, ok? This stays between us.”

“I know. I wouldn’t even be here right now if I thought I couldn’t trust you. I just…I don’t really…know what’s happening right now and I…” Her gaze drifted back to the other booth. “I feel like…maybe I need to…figure it out on my own.” She turned her attention back to him. “Remember the time I freaked out Diana and Ruby so bad that they refused to go back to the story club at night?”

He nodded. “It took them like six months to get over it.”

“I think that’s what I did to myself. I don’t know…my imagination just…got carried away from me.” She reached for her water. “So, please. Let’s talk about something else…anything else.”

Cole thought about it for a moment. There wasn’t really anything going on in his life that was of particular interest, but there was some news. “Oh! I don’t know if you know about this or not, but Gilbert’s going out on a date with his lab partner tonight.”

Anne, who had just taken a sip of water, nearly choked in response. “W-What,” she sputtered.

Cole chuckled. “Yeah. I couldn’t believe it either when I heard about it, but apparently Moody was able to talk him into it.”

Anne furrowed her eyebrows. “How?”

“I think the same way he convinced you to go out with Charlie. The whole ‘just try it and see what happens’ thing.” Cole shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s been studying even harder this semester, so he’s spending even more time with…”

“Sarah,” Anne provided without missing a beat.

“Right,” Cole nodded. He figured Anne would have remembered her name. “Sarah. I guess Moody’s so deliriously happy with Ruby that he’s made it his mission to set up all of his friends. He helped Charlie come up with a way to ask out that girl from his French class.”

Anne’s gaze drifted back to the other booth. So, that was Sarah. Even though Anne could only see the back of her head, she could tell that the girl was pretty. When Cole cleared his throat, she cut her eyes back to him. “So, what about you? Who does Moody have in mind for you?”

“Oh, I’ve already declined his matchmaking services. I don’t have a hard time finding dates. It’s just making them stick around.”

She nodded before she reached for her discarded straw wrapper. “Right.”

“What about you?” Cole watched as Anne twisted the paper around her index finger. “I’m surprised Moody and Ruby haven’t tried to set you up with someone…again.”

Anne laughed as she moved the paper around her ring finger. “Are you kidding? After the disaster with Charlie, I made sure Moody knew that I wasn’t interested in pursuing anything with anyone right now.”

“Yeah, but someday…you’ll be ready…right?”

Anne kept her focus on the paper as she continued to twist it around her fingers. Dating seemed like such a foreign concept for her. She had never been out on a real date before. She was much more focused on her friendships in high school and had been far too busy at Redmond to even consider it. Besides, she hadn’t met anyone interesting enough to consider them a romantic prospect. “Yeah, of course. I’m just…too busy for romance, I guess.”

“But not too busy to grab dinner with one of your best friends on a Saturday night?”

Anne gave him a small smile. “Well, you weren’t busy.” She waited a beat before she resumed fidgeting with the wrapper. “Besides, I couldn’t possibly ask for better company.”

“You make a good point. So,” he began as his eyes twinkled with just a hint of mischief, “Ready to tell me what freaked you out so bad?”

Anne shook her head as a genuine smile slowly lit up her features. “Not a chance.” It didn’t matter now, anyway. Her world had become muddled for a few fleeting moments, but hearing that Gilbert was on a date—and in fact, was on that date just a few feet away from her—put everything back into perspective. That day on the lake was nothing more than a friend helping out a friend. 

He wasn’t staring at her as if she were the epicenter of every single dream he possessed.

He was just looking at the girl who had nearly drowned.

There wasn’t a spellbinding mélange of love and lust that had filled his hazel eyes which shook her down to her very core. 

It was just a look. 

Nothing more.


	10. Patty's Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know that in AotI, Patty's Place is in no way how I describe it here, but my logic behind the change was to have a house that stood out against the modern setting of the story. In my research, I found a gorgeous red Victorian in Nova Scotia that is 100% what this version of Patty's Place is based on.

* * *

Anne didn’t show up at the library the following Wednesday—or the Wednesday after that. It wasn’t that she was avoiding Gilbert, or so she repeatedly told herself. It was the simple fact that she was busy and it made more sense to go to the library after her writing class on Wednesday as opposed to before. Whenever she wasn’t in class, at rehearsal, or the library, she was in her dorm room trying to get ahead in her classwork. The moment she told Diana about the play, the brunette promised that she and Fred would come to Halifax to see her on opening weekend. Anne desperately wanted to make sure that she’d be able to spend every free second she could with her best friend. If that meant devoting the bulk of her time to her studies for the next few weeks, so be it.

So, she wasn’t actively going out of her way to avoid Gilbert Blythe.

It only seemed like it.

As she strolled along the edge of campus with Phil one chilly Friday morning, she realized that she’d couldn’t evade him forever. Eventually, she would have to face him again. It wasn’t that she was afraid to see him. She had put all of those ridiculous notions behind her after seeing him with Sarah that night, but she wasn’t eager to test the strength of her imagination too soon. 

The more she thought about it, the more ridiculous the whole thing seemed. She simply got swept up with the fictional part of her story, not with the actual memory of it. It was a delusion crafted from years of being told that he had a crush on her. She merely over-romanticized the situation—nothing more.

“I love this part of town,” Phil told Anne dreamily as she clutched her coffee cup with both hands in order to keep them warm. “This corner of campus is where I feel most like home.”

“Me too,” Anne confided as she took in the architecture around her. “I love the houses around here. There’s not a lot of new construction like at the other end of campus. I know it serves its purpose for student housing, but there’s no soul there. It’s different here. I love to imagine the lives of all of the people who lived in these houses…not to mention how charming they all look. They’re like snowflakes—constructed from the same material, yet so unique.”

The corner of Phil’s lips curled up in a smile. She was keenly aware of the fact that Anne loved these houses. They met on this very street during the first week of school. Anne was perched underneath a particularly robust maple tree, the very one Phil had retreated to a couple of times during the chaos of her first week at Redmond. They immediately hit it off and spent the next hour discussing everything from their hometowns to their mutual love of Victorian architecture. “You know…a girl in my French class told me that most of these houses are leased out to students.”

“Really?” Anne couldn’t help but to wonder what it would be like to live in one of them. She had just assumed that they were owned by professors or doctors at nearby Dalhousie. “It would be incredible to live in one, don’t you think? I bet the rent is insanely high.”

“Not as high as you might think,” she responded coyly. When Anne turned to her, Phil smirked. “Well, to be honest with you, Anne, I looked into it.”

Anne crinkled her nose. “What?”

“Hear me out: I tried. I’ve managed to endure it for several months now, but dorm life is not meant for me.” She was well aware of the fact that she had been completely spoiled by her parents. She was an only child, so she wasn’t used to sharing anything, let alone a bedroom with a complete stranger and a bathroom with a dozen other girls. She had always been fairly popular, but quickly became bored with all of the ‘yes’ people that encircled her during high school. She thought Redmond would offer her a fresh start, but with her father’s name plastered on one of the academic buildings and her mother’s prominence as a former president of the most popular sororities on campus, Phillipa Gordon was destined for popularity long before she stepped on campus. It wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted to be with people who understood and liked her for who she really was, not just because of who her parents were. 

That’s why meeting Anne that fateful day meant so much. As pathetic as it sounded, Anne was the first real friend Phil could recall having. Of course, that led to her meeting the entire group from Avonlea, and ever since, Phillipa Gordon wished that she, too, had grown up in the small farming community on Prince Edward Island, as opposed to Bolingbroke, Nova Scotia. “I’ve been thinking about renting out one of these houses next year…and not just for me, but for all of us.”

It wasn’t until a few weeks after she met Phil that Anne realized Gordon Hall was named after her father. Long ago, she and Phil had a frank discussion about their past: where they each came from, who they were, and how they didn’t expect anything from one another aside from friendship. It had worked well for them thus far, and even though Anne desperately wanted to live in one of those enchanting houses, Phil’s friendship was a price she simply wasn’t willing to pay. “Oh Phil, there’s no way I can—”

“Before you say anything, hear me out. I’ve already talked to the owners of one of them.” She knew Anne would put up a fuss, so she wanted to make sure she had all of her answers lined up and had done all of her fact checking beforehand. “And…well…we’re actually on the way to tour the place now.”

Anne’s eyes widened. “What?”

Phil eagerly nodded despite the fear that overshadowed the look of surprise on her friend’s face. “Please come with me, Anne. You’re the first person I’d want to live there with me.”

“Phil, I told you that I—”

“I know, but…and don’t be mad…but I did a little research on the Pell Grant. It can pay for your boarding, but it isn’t exclusive to on-campus housing.” When Anne opened her mouth to argue, Phil continued. “The owners have given me a quote and after splitting up, it’s only a little more than what you’re paying now to live in a tiny room with Pris. Here, you’d have your own room…and your own bathroom.”

Anne thought about it for a moment. She knew that she’d regret asking because there was no possible way she’d be able to supplement the difference. She knew she was setting herself up for disappointment, but still, she had to know. “How much more?”

“$300.”

That might not have been a lot of money for Phil, but for Anne, it was far too much. “Phil, I can’t afford an extra $300 a month. I—”

“A year,” she clarified.

“A year?!”

Phil nodded. “A year. Now, will you come?”

Anne chewed on her bottom lip. She loved all of these houses. It seemed too good to be true to have the opportunity to live in one of them. Of course, she had her favorites, as one often does. There was one in particular that stood out to her more than the others, but she’d consider herself lucky to live in any one of them. “Which one is it?”

Phil looped her arm through Anne’s, careful not to jostle the red head’s coffee. “Oh, my dearest Anne, that’s the best part. Remember the first day we met, and we wandered along this very road and gushed over our mutual love for one house in particular?”

Anne turned to her. “You’re kidding.” This had to be a dream. Things as wonderful as this simply didn’t happen to her. She knew all of her good fortune had been spent the moment Marilla told her she could stay at Green Gables. She never hoped for anything more than that, but now, at that very moment, she felt like floating on air. There had to be something wrong with the place. Phil must have misheard the rental rate. Something horrific had to happen to bring her back down to earth.

Phil squealed. “I would never joke about this! Anne, we’re going to see Patty’s Place.”

* * *

She was on cloud nine. There was no other way to describe it. She couldn’t focus on any of her lectures that afternoon. She had to constantly pull herself back down to earth during play practice. As she walked with Ruby to the boys’ room, she realized that she didn’t care what movie they watched that night because she could only focus on the perfection of the red Victorian on Maple Street.

Patty’s Place was nothing short of a dream.

“Every room is about three sizes larger than your dorm room,” Anne told the boys as she lounged on Cole’s bed. “And not only is there a living room, but there’s also a den that functions as a library and there’s also a formal parlour…oh, and the dining room is massive with a table that can hold twenty people. Can you imagine? We can have weekly dinners there instead of going out to eat what…maybe once a month?” She reached for the bowl of popcorn Ruby held up for her.

“How many bedrooms does it have,” Moody asked as she grabbed a handful of popcorn before passing the bowl to Cole.

Anne glanced at Ruby who smiled sweetly in response. “See, that’s the thing. The house is massive. It’s so much bigger than it looks on the outside. Phil thought there were only five bedrooms, so she was planning on asking Ruby, Jane, Pris, and me to live with her, but when we toured it, I counted six. The last one is on the backside of the house…with its own entrance and everything.” She waited a beat before she turned to the boy next to her. “So, we were wondering if…”

“If you wanted to live with us next year, Cole,” Ruby filled in.

Cole’s eyes widened. “What?”

Ruby and Anne nodded. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. We weren’t sure if you had already made plans for next semester or—”

“No, I’m in,” he grinned as he passed the bowl of popcorn. “I’m so in.”

“Hey,” Moody called out in mock offense. “What about us?”

Cole thought about it for a moment. “I know we all talked about getting an apartment, but I feel like it’d be easier for you guys to find a three bedroom instead of a four bedroom. I don’t even think they have four-bedroom apartments around here.”

“Why did you decide to ask Cole?” Moody wasn’t angry or agitated that the girls chose to invite Cole to live with them. He knew that Cole had a closer relationship to most of the girls who would be living there. He was merely curious about the logic behind it.

“Well, we didn’t want to have any couples living there together,” Ruby gently informed her newly minted boyfriend.

“Yeah,” Anne began, “it could get complicated and with Cole…”

“There wouldn’t be an issue.” Moody filled in. “It makes perfect sense.” As much as he adored the girl next to him, he couldn’t predict their future. They had only been together for a few weeks and only just a few days earlier, decided to make their relationship official. He had known her his entire life, yet exploring this side of her was still new to him. While he enjoyed getting to know her on a deeper level, he wasn’t about to test their relationship by living with her. “So, when do we get to see the place?”

Anne leaned back against the headboard. “We’re going over tomorrow to check it out with the others. If you guys want to see it, you’re more than welcome to come.”

Moody had never thought twice about the Victorian houses that lined the southern edge of campus, but after hearing Anne describe it, his curiosity was piqued. “Absolutely. I’m definitely curious to see what it looks like. You said it was the red Victorian on Maple?”

Anne nodded. “Yeah, we pass by it every time we go to Bello Italiano.”

“Oh yeah.” The only reason why he distinctly remembered that house was because it was the only red building in the area. Most of the other houses on that street were white or had a light-blue tint. “Wait, wasn’t that where Gilbert took Sarah on their first date?”

Cole glanced at Anne, who silently reached for the popcorn bowl, before he turned back to Moody. “That was where they went?”

Moody nodded. “I think so. Yeah.”

Cole pursed his lips together. He distinctly remembered Anne shrinking down in her seat and fidgeting throughout most of their meal. While he initially thought it was because she was still trying to process whatever had freaked her out, Cole began to wonder if, perhaps, she saw someone in the restaurant that night. “What time?”

“I think he left here around 7 or so. Why?”

Cole watched as Anne reached for her water, still seemingly unaffected by the conversation. If he didn’t know her so well, he’d assume that she had nothing to say about the matter. Unfortunately for Anne, Cole knew her all too well. He had never seen her act as erratic as she did that night, and while she never came clean on the details of her story, he was beginning to think that Anne saw Gilbert at the restaurant that night and went out of her way to avoid being seen by him. 

But why would she avoid Gilbert? Cole knew that they had gotten close over the last few months, so it didn’t make much sense. There had to be more to the story and now, more than ever, Cole wanted to know what it was. “That was when we were there,” he finally responded as he shifted his attention back to Moody. “Right, Anne?”

The last thing Anne wanted to talk about was that night at Bello Italiano. She wanted to keep talking about Patty’s Place and the prospect of living out a Victorian fairytale with her friends. She didn’t want to revisit her ridiculous flights of fancy that didn’t amount to anything whatsoever. “Hmm?”

He wouldn’t be so easily dismissed. “Bello Italiano. Weren’t we there around 7 that night?”

“I can’t remember,” she lied before she set her water back down on the nightstand that was wedged between the two twin beds.

As if he were summoned into existence in order to settle the whole affair, the small group heard the door to the suite open. Cole peered around the corner and grinned at his suitemate. “Gilbert! Hey!”

Instead of making a beeline toward his room, the exhausted pre-med student wandered toward Moody and Cole’s room. He stopped in the doorway when he noticed they had company. “Hey,” he greeted the small group.

“I’m hoping you can solve a mystery for us,” Cole began before he glanced at Anne once more. He was surprised at how calm she seemed. Had he been wrong? Was she just anxious that night because she had to relive such a traumatic experience? She didn’t seem too traumatized when she told him about it. He didn’t even know that she had almost drowned last summer until she told him about it that very night. If it had been such a huge ordeal, he was certain she would have told him about it well before then. 

Maybe he had been conspiring with Diana for far too long about the nature of Anne’s relationship with Gilbert. He turned back to Gilbert, slightly defeated. “When you took Sarah out a few weeks ago…it was a Saturday night…where did you go and do you remember what time you were there?”

Gilbert shifted his weight from one foot to another as he shot a quick glance to Anne, who seemed completely disinterested in the conversation. She knew about that? “Um…” he stalled as he tried to remember the question, “Bello Italiano. Around 7, I think?”

Cole leaned his back against the wall, satisfied with the response. Maybe Anne was only pretending to be fine everything. Maybe she did freak out when she saw that Gilbert was on a date. Then again, maybe she didn’t see him at all. Cole certainly hadn’t. The restaurant was packed that night. “Oh, so you were there when we were.”

Gilbert seemed confused. “We?”

“Anne and me. She was having a small bout of writer’s block, so we met up at Bello Italiano.” He turned back to the redhead. “Right, Anne?”

She nodded. Anything to get out of this conversation. “Yeah. Yeah…it’s…crazy how we didn’t…run into each other.”

“Yeah. Weird.” Gilbert pursed his lips together. He was definitely preoccupied that night, but he always thought he could pick Anne out in crowd and not just because of her hair color. He thought about asking her why he hadn’t seen her at the library over the last few weeks, but decided against it. He wasn’t entirely sure why. It was an innocent enough question, but he figured she was probably just busy with schoolwork and play rehearsals.

“So, what are your plans for tonight,” Moody asked. “Going out with Sarah again?”

“Uh…no, actually. I was just with her at the lab and…” His eyes ticked to Anne once more before he looked back at Moody. “Anyway…no plans tonight.”

“Want to watch a movie with us? We ordered pizza and have popcorn,” Ruby held up the half-eaten bowl of popcorn.

Gilbert glanced back at Anne to try to figure out if she wanted him to stay or not. After realizing she wasn’t going to respond, he lifted the strap of his messenger bag over his head. “Yeah. Let me put this stuff down and take my coat off.”

“Oh, definitely get comfortable,” Cole called out behind him. “It’ll be like a slumber party.”

Anne had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from screaming. She was grateful that she had managed to maintain her composure during the Bello Italiano conversation, but she had no idea what—if anything—Cole had up his sleeve.

“Oh, Gilbert,” Moody called out. “Cole’s going to live with the girls next year, so we’ll only need to find a three bedroom.”

Gilbert didn’t say anything until he came back to the room a few minutes later, sporting a pair of Avonlea High basketball shorts and a navy hoodie. “Yeah,” he asked before he sat on the floor between the two beds.

“You can sit up here with us,” Cole slid over to make room. “We don’t bite.”

Gilbert turned to Anne. “Are you sure?” He wasn’t entirely sure why he felt the need to ask her permission. He realized months ago that dorm beds were often treated like makeshift couches. Everyone sat on everyone else’s bed due to lack of seating, but for some reason, sitting on a bed with Anne seemed different. Granted, it wasn’t either of their beds and there were three other people in the room, but given the fact that he hadn’t seen her in two weeks and wasn’t entirely sure why, he wanted to make sure she was ok with their seating arrangement.

She tilted her head to the side. “Pretty sure. I mean, I know I don’t bite, but Cole on the other hand…”

Everyone chuckled.

“Of course, it’s fine,” she slid toward the middle to give Gilbert enough room to sit on the end. Ideally, Anne would have preferred not to be seated in between Gilbert and Cole, especially since Cole seemed determined to make something out of nothing, but Anne was determined not to let the events of the last few weeks affect her friendship with Gilbert. They had weathered tougher storms. She only needed a few weeks away in order to reset her imagination. 

Once Gilbert was situated on the bed, Moody tossed him a bottle of water. “So, where are you going to live next year?”

Anne grinned. “You know that gorgeous red Victorian on Maple?”

“Patty’s Place?”

She nodded.

Gilbert raised his eyebrows in surprise as his face lit up. “Are you serious? I know how much you love that house.” Love was an understatement. Every time they walked to Marie’s, Anne would gush over the beauty of that one house in particular. “How?”

“Phil,” she answered, still slightly in disbelief over the whole situation. “She knows someone who’s living there now. Apparently, the tenants are all graduating in May, so the entire house is available for lease next year. Phil got the owner’s phone number from her classmate and we went over there today to check it out.”

“And?”

“It’s everything I hoped it would be and more.” She started to relax as she regaled Gilbert with the details of the house that had captivated her heart the moment she first laid eyes on it. “We haven’t figured out the room situation yet, but one of the bedrooms on the third floor has access to this small deck on the roof and I keep thinking that it’d be the perfect place to write. There’s another deck on the floor below it that would be perfect for entertaining during the fall and spring. There’s also a gazebo and a fire pit in the backyard. Inside, there’s a formal living room, a den that doubles as a library, a formal parlour…and the dining room table seats twenty people.”

The house seemed massive, with more amenities than anyone their age could afford. He wasn’t going to ask her about the rent on a place such as that, but he figured it would have been one of the first things Anne asked about. Perhaps splitting it among six people wouldn’t be so bad. He couldn’t help but to smile at her enthusiasm. “Twenty?”

She nodded. “Phil and I already talked about trying to have everyone over once a week for dinner or something. I feel like coordinating everyone’s schedules might be a little easier since six of us will be living there.”

“It sounds incredible.”

“We’re going over there tomorrow to check it out,” Ruby told him. “Moody’s coming too. Do you want to come with us?”

Gilbert wasn’t certain he’d be able to. It was Saturday, but he spent most of his Saturdays in the lab or at the library. “What time?”

“Around 10,” Anne told him as she reached for the bowl of popcorn. “We’re going to go to brunch at Elle’s Bistro afterward.”

“Yeah, I’d love to come, if you don’t mind. I have to be at the lab around 1, so that would be perfect.”

“Great,” Ruby smiled. “I mean…we figure that you guys might be there almost as much as we will, so we want your input.”

“Not if he leaves us for Sarah,” Moody joked. “How’s that going by the way? You haven’t said much.”

“Oh, I…um…it’s…we’re better off as friends.” Sarah wasn’t as convinced, but Gilbert knew before he even picked her up that night that their date wouldn’t lead to anything. The actual date only confirmed it. They shared a love of science, but that was about it. Besides, his heart already belonged to someone and try as he might, he couldn’t seem to find anyone else he was even remotely interested in spending any time with.

“That stinks,” Moody responded. “From everything you told me, she seemed like the female version of you.”

Gilbert chuckled. “Perhaps,” he admitted, “But I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was just like me, you know. It would get pretty boring.”

Moody considered it for a moment. Maybe there was some truth in that. After all, he and Ruby didn’t have a whole lot in common, but they were alike enough to share a few interests, which made it a lot easier for him to plan their dates. “Oh, speaking of…Anne…”

Anne looked over at him. When he grinned at her, she furrowed her eyebrows. “What?”

“Simon…”

She looked to Ruby for any clue as to what Moody was talking about. When Ruby seemed just as perplexed, Anne raised an eyebrow at him. “Says…” she ventured.

Moody chuckled. “No. Simone Malone. The guy from my communications class. I know you said that you weren’t interested in a blind date, but I really think—”

“No,” Anne shook her head. How was it possible that Moody would try to set her up with someone after the disastrous non-date with Charlie? “Moody, no. Look, I know that you and Ruby are insanely happy with one another, but I’m not interested in dating…_anyone_…right now.” She sighed before she adjusted her position on Cole’s bed. “Look, I have so much going on right now with the play, creative writing, and planning out my academic schedule for the next few years since I’ve decided to double major. I barely have time to spend with you guys, let alone date anyone.” When she saw the slow deflate of Moody’s smile, she sighed. “And it’s not because you’re trying to set me up. I’m not a big fan of blind dates to begin with, but…it’s not just that. I just…can’t handle it right now. It’s too much.”

The room was silent for a long moment before Cole cleared his throat. “And Moody, just because someone is gay doesn’t mean they’ll be a perfect match for me.” When Ruby and Anne laughed, Cole smiled. “I appreciate it, but I do pretty well on my own.”

Ruby smirked. “Moody, please don’t alienate my future roommates or I’ll be forced to ban you from the house next year.”

Moody laughed before he raised his hands in defeat. “Fair enough. No more matchmaking for any of you guys.” He glanced at the blonde next to him. “I was just trying to help. I want you guys to be as happy as I am.”

“We know…and we are happy,” Cole insisted. “We’re just not ready for love.”

Gilbert looked down at the bottle of water in his hands. He disagreed with that sentiment completely. He was ready for love. God, he had been waiting years for it, but he wasn’t about to force it with someone he knew wasn’t right for him. He had known for a long time who he wanted to be with, who he wanted to love, who he loved without even trying to, but he had heard her loud and clear. She wasn’t ready. He understood her reasons. His life was just as hectic, but he knew that if his wildest dream came to fruition, he’d be more than willing to neglect his studies in order to spend every second he could with her. So, in that regard, maybe she was right. Maybe their lives were just too chaotic to throw romance into it right now. Still, his one date with Sarah had reaffirmed everything he already believed: there was only one girl for him.


	11. The Substance of Things Hoped For

Before she moved to Green Gables, Anne never celebrated her birthday. It wasn’t a conscious decision or an attempt to make herself seem any more unique than she already was. The fact of the matter was that there was no one who wanted to celebrate the anniversary of her birth. For a long time, she felt the same way. What was the point in commemorating the age and existence of someone who wasn’t loved and was, therefore, deemed worthless? Anne never stayed in a foster home long enough for anyone to ask her about her birthday and the orphanage she drifted in and out of for most of her life never celebrated the children’s birthdays. She went about those days just as she did any other: trying (and failing) to stay out of trouble. It wasn’t that Anne wanted to get into trouble. Her natural curiosity about the world around her often led her to ask questions that others deemed annoying; however, if they didn’t know the answer, they came to the swift conclusion that the inquisitive redhead was somehow mocking them.

The day after Marilla told Anne that they would foster her until they were able to find her a suitable home, Matthew asked her about her birthday. It was a simple question in the midst of a brief conversation about her familial history—what little she knew of it, anyway. Anne knew she must have startled him because her eyes instantly welled with tears before she launched herself at him and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. When he seemed confused by her response, she explained that he was the first person to ever ask.

Ever since that day, Matthew was determined to spoil her as much as he could, especially on her birthday. Even though Marilla scolded him, she secretly delighted in pampering her too. The normally reserved Cuthberts threw a party for their adopted daughter every year. While Matthew and Marilla often collaborated on what to give her, Matthew also found a way to give her something else—a special token to symbolize their kinship. On her 16th birthday, he their relationship. The first charm was a book. Anne had always been an avid reader, but the day Matthew first saw her at the train station, her nose was firmly planted in a book while she waited for him to pick her up. Half of their conversation on the way to Green Gables that day involved Anne explaining the plot of ‘Jane Eyre’ to him. 

On her 17th birthday, Matthew gave her a horse charm. Anne knew it was a callback to the night they stayed up together while Anne’s horse, Belle, gave birth. They talked for hours on end about everything that night. Anne confided in him about her hopes and fears for the future, how she wasn’t sure what she wanted out of life, fearful that it might slip by her if she remained indecisive. She was only sixteen at the time, but as she began the arduous task of planning for college and therefore, her future, she was in a constant state of self-doubt. She was on the verge of a complete meltdown that night and desperately needed someone to talk to—someone who could ease her constant state of worry. Matthew readily offered his own pearls of wisdom and had been more than willing to listen to her ramble for hours on end. By the time the sun rose, she was convinced that he was the only one who not only could handle her incessant chatter for hours on end, but seemed to actually enjoy it.

On her 18th birthday, Matthew gave her the world in the form of another silver charm. She had always expressed a desire to travel, to experience different cultures, countries, and immerse herself in different languages. By contrast, Matthew had never once left the island. Prince Edward Island always was and always would be his home. He had grown up and worked on the farm his entire life and didn’t want or need anything else. Still, at the time, as Anne was about to head off to Nova Scotia and take that first step toward her future, he wanted to give her the world to show his full support of her desire to experience everything the world had to offer her.

Now, as Anne woke up on the morning of her 19th birthday, she knew she would have to wait. It wasn’t the gift itself that she loved, although she made sure that the silver charm bracelet clung to her wrist every day, it was the meaning behind it. Every time she looked down at it, she immediately thought of Matthew. He was the first person who had accepted her, who loved her unconditionally. She knew she was loved now. She had family and friends, people who made being away from home feel a lot less lonesome, but Matthew was the one who broke down the barriers she had constructed around her broken heart. She attributed everything she had to Matthew and Marilla and swore to herself the day she first stepped foot on Redmond’s campus that she’d make them proud.

At the moment, making them proud meant pushing through the day, despite the tidal wave of homesickness that engulfed her. She trudged through her morning and afternoon lectures, eager to get to the theatre and get into makeup and costume. She knew that if she could just make it there she’d be fine, she could push away all thoughts of home—for a few hours at least.

* * *

The bright lights on the stage made it impossible for Anne to see little more than the silhouettes of the audience, but that didn’t matter, not to her anyway. She knew her friends would all be in attendance the following night and besides, the moment she stepped foot on stage, her focus shifted to the fictional world around her, not those observing it. Suddenly, nothing else mattered. All she wanted for the next two hours was to convince the audience that she was Corie Bratter. She wanted to be quick on her feet, ready to assist a fellow cast member should they flub a line or ready to improvise if something unexpected happened. It was one thing that she loved that about live theater. 

Anything could happen.

Anything was possible.

Besides, she realized in the middle of an argument with Moody’s character, she wasn’t alone on her birthday—not really. Moody was right there beside her. He had brought her cupcakes from a local bakery while Phil had flowers sent to the girls’ dressing room. Her fellow castmates and crew members all gathered around to sing happy birthday to her an hour before the curtain rose.

The evening flew by a quicker than she thought possible. The entire time she felt a profound sense of gratitude for everyone around her. They had made the day a little more bearable and she felt a little less homesick.

When she and Moody made their curtain call, she actually laughed for the first time that day. She mouthed a ‘thank you’ to him when he handed her a bouquet of pink and white peonies. When she turned back to face the audience, the curtains started to close as the house lights came on.

That’s when she saw it—saw them.

It only took her a second to recognize the familiar faces in the crowd, but when she did, tears filled her emerald eyes and her smile widened. When the curtain closed, she turned to Moody. Had he seen them too or had she completely lost her mind? “Moody, I—”

He laughed. “Gilbert made me promise not to tell you.”

There, in the middle of the tenth row, a beaming Matthew Cuthbert turned to a completely amused Gilbert Blythe. “Do you think we surprised her?”

If he lived to be ninety, Gilbert knew he’d never forget the stunned expression on Anne’s face right before the curtains closed. “Absolutely, Mr. Cuthbert.”

* * *

It was all Anne could do to change out of her costume before rushing to the auditorium, but she had to remind herself that she had an obligation to help those around her first. Still, she crossed her fingers and hoped that she wouldn’t be needed to help out with anything until tomorrow so she could see them again and know beyond the shadow of a doubt that her adopted parents were there. 

She practically sprinted over to the stage manager, who was instructing various crew members where they were needed to clean-up and reset the stage for the next performance. Having already spoken with Moody about the fact that Anne’s family was coming in as a surprise for her birthday, the stage manager told Anne they had everything covered and she was free to go spend the evening with her family.

_‘Her family.’ _The words echoed through her mind as she dashed back toward the girls’ dressing room. Her family was here and they were waiting for her. She grabbed her bag and hurried toward the auditorium. Along the way, she got stopped a few times by various well-wishers who commended her on an amazing performance. Anne didn’t want to be rude. She had spent the last two months preparing for the play, but all she wanted was to wrap her arms around her family and know that they were here.

The moment she opened one of the double doors to the auditorium, she saw them. She was thankful that the auditorium was nearly empty as it made it easier for her to rush down the aisle. Nothing was going to keep her from them now. She almost dropped her bag in the process, but managed to toss the strap back over her shoulder right before she reached Matthew. She nearly knocked him over when she threw her arms around his neck. She squeezed her eyes closed as tears streamed down her cheeks. Was she dreaming?

“You did so well, Anne,” Marilla grinned from her position behind Matthew.

Anne opened her eyes as she stared at her adopted mother. Words had completely failed her. They were really here? This wasn’t a dream? Not knowing what to say or how to say it, she reached for the older woman and hugged her tightly as she tried to commit every milli-second of this moment to her memory. When her eyes finally met Gilbert’s over Marilla’s shoulder she swallowed. “You knew?”

“It was his idea,” Marilla informed her. “He even offered to drive us since I can’t drive well at night and Matthew tends to go to bed with the sun.”

Gilbert orchestrated all of this? When? How? Her heart fluttered at the thought. She didn’t want to contemplate the meaning behind it. She didn’t want ruin the evening by searching for an answer she wasn’t ready to discover. She wanted to accept his gesture for what it was—the best gift anyone could have given her. She tried to come up with the words to describe just what this meant to her. When none came, she hugged him. “Thank you.” It came out in a whisper as weeks of homesickness emanated from her.

“Happy Birthday Anne.”

* * *

Gilbert began planning it the moment she told him the play would fall on her birthday. Anne had convinced herself that it wasn’t a big deal and that she would be fine if Matthew and Marilla weren’t there, but Gilbert knew better. He knew that it would mean everything to her to have them there with her. He knew that the Cuthbert’s were homebodies, but he also knew that if they could, they’d go anywhere to see her.

He offered to go to Avonlea and drive them to Halifax, an offer that up until a week ago, he was certain they’d accept. When he called Marilla to let her know that he had secured their tickets for the show, she told him that they were going to spend the night in Halifax and drive back to Avonlea in the morning. They wouldn’t be able to stay all weekend. There was a lot of work to be done around the farm, but nothing on earth would keep them from seeing their girl on stage, especially on her birthday.

Gilbert was content enough to go back to the dorm and let the Cuthbert’s spend Anne’s birthday with her, but Marilla and Matthew insisted he join them for dinner. Before they left the auditorium, he pulled Anne aside to make sure she was ok if he went with them. He was relieved when she told him in no uncertain terms that he was more than welcome to go with them, and that if it weren’t for him, they wouldn’t even be there right now.

Anne didn’t want to have a fancy meal in a crowded restaurant. She was content enough to take Matthew and Marilla to the little pizzeria the Avonlea group ate at on their very first night in Halifax. Neither Matthew nor Marilla had ever eaten pizza before, so Anne was thoroughly entertained as she watched them consume their share of the large pizza she ordered. 

During dinner, Marilla and Matthew informed her that they had a few presents waiting for her back in Avonlea when she’d come to visit in a few weeks. Still, Matthew couldn’t bear the thought of giving her nothing on the actual day, so he presented her with one small gift after they finished eating.

Anne was practically in tears before she even opened the small box. She knew it was another charm to add to her bracelet. She just wasn’t sure what it could possibly be. The moment she lifted the lid, she looked up at her adopted father.

“You can do anything you set your mind to,” he explained.

Anne was a little teary eyed as she pulled the silver pen charm out of the box. She stretched her right wrist out and looked up at him. “Can you put it on?”

He smiled as he took the delicate charm from her. It took him a moment and he had to readjust his glasses twice in the process, but once it was secured, he pat her hand. “Happy Birthday, Anne.”

She leaned across the table to hug him. “The best one ever,” she sighed contentedly. “Thank you.” She looked over at Marilla. “Thank you both so much for coming tonight.”

After dinner, the quartet strolled along Maple Street and Anne eagerly pointed out Patty’s Place, the place she was to call home for at least the next year. She had told the Cuthbert’s all about it after she signed the lease last week, but it felt surreal to show it to them in person. She pointed to the small balcony on the third floor and informed them both that her room was there and she couldn’t wait to sit on that balcony and write.

Once in a while, Anne would stop—sometimes mid-sentence—and marvel over the fact that they were actually there. She truly believed in birthday wishes now. She believed in the power of family and love and how sometimes, when you least expect it, the most incredible things can happen.

Time flew by, but time spent with them always did. She and Gilbert dropped them off at their hotel and Anne promised to come by first thing in the morning to see them off. 

She didn’t say anything as Gilbert drove them back to campus. In fact, wasn’t until they had walked halfway toward her dorm that she finally turned to him. “I don’t know how to thank you, Gilbert. I…How did you convince them to come?”

Gilbert smirked as he shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t have to. I know that you didn’t want to bother them with this since they have a lot to do back home, but they wanted to come.”

“Would you really have driven them here and back to Avonlea?”

“Absolutely,” he responded without hesitation. “It’s your birthday, Anne. I know how much being with them on your birthday means to you.”

“Yeah,” her gaze fell to the ground as they walked in silence for a moment. Finally, Anne chuckled. “I guess you kinda messed up then.”

“How so?”

“What are you going to do for two hours tomorrow night while all of your friends are at the play?”

“I’ll be there,” he answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Why wouldn’t he?

“Are you really going to sit through the play again? I mean, you’re a pretty busy guy these days. I’m sure you have homework or some—”

“Some things can wait,” he interrupted. “Besides, it’s not every day that I get to see you and Moody act like newly-weds.”

Anne laughed. “Pretty comical, huh?” She slid her hands into the pockets of her coat. “It’s been a lot of work, but I really love that play. I guess…I guess it goes to show you that sometimes opposites can attract.”

“What do you think about that?”

“About what?”

“Corie and Paul. Do you think they made it? Or do you think their differences were too much to overcome?”

“I don’t know.” She hadn’t really given much thought about what might have happened to them after the play. Sure, love won out in the end, but was that enough to make a marriage work? “I guess it depends.”

“On what?”

“On whether or not they love one another or their pride more.” She cleared her throat. “I think you can have different interests than your partner. I feel like you should…or else I think it would get pretty boring, but at the end of the day, if you’re arguing and fighting, you need to understand why. What’s the root of the problem? For them, it was their pride. They were polar opposites, but they still had some things in common.” She glanced at him. “I don’t know. The romantic in me wants to believe that if love’s there, you can work through anything, but I’ve seen…so much heartbreak that…I don’t know if that’s enough anymore, you know?”

“Would you ever date someone like Paul?” He knew he was tiptoeing around dangerous ground. It was her birthday and the last thing he wanted to do was to alienate her, but this was the first real conversation they had in weeks. He couldn’t even remember the last time he was alone with her, let alone able to talk to her about something other than classwork.

“Someone as serious as Paul?” She thought about it for a moment. “Maybe. I mean, he’d have to have some sense of adventure in order to keep up with me, don’t you think?”

He gave her a half-smile. “Yeah. Yeah, he would.”

There was something in his tone that made her look down at the ground in front of her. She had been so blissfully happy over the last few hours and knew that the guy next to her was the reason behind it. She couldn’t even put into words how much it meant for her to see Matthew and Marilla in the audience on the opening night of her first lead in a college play, but somehow, Gilbert knew. They had exactly one conversation about it nearly two months ago, yet he remembered and made it happen. She could feel her heart race as they neared her building. It was exactly what she had been afraid of—why she made sure that she wouldn’t be left alone with him over the last few weeks. Her over-romanticized account of the lake that day had altered her reality and she wasn’t entirely sure what to do about it or how to act around him. She knew now that she couldn’t run away from him, not after what he did for her tonight.

So, instead of running, she stopped walking. When he turned around to face her, confused as to why she halted her footsteps, she gave him a small smile. “Thank you again…for tonight. It’s…one of the best gifts anyone has ever given me.”

Her eyes sparked under the streetlight. Her hair had been pulled back into a loose ponytail, a small wisp of which slipped out and had fallen over her eyes. He wanted to tell her everything in that moment. He wanted to tell her he’d wait. He wanted to tell her that he’d go wherever she wanted because at the end of the day, she was his home. 

It was ridiculous. They weren’t even dating, but when you know, you know, and he could pinpoint the precise moment he realized how much she meant to him. He was working on a ship with Bash, halfway around the world. Fiery red hair and freckles danced through his mind and suddenly, he knew. And here she was, right in front of him, but he stopped short of confessing everything as her words from the prior week rang through his mind. She wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready.

Anne wondered what he was thinking about: if it was about how late it was getting, how much time he was sacrificing to attend her play—twice—or something else entirely. His expression was completely indecipherable underneath the soft glow of the lamp that hovered above them. A flash of that day at the lake came to the forefront of her mind once again and she blinked as she shifted her attention back to the ground.


	12. The Reaper Whose Name is Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've read Anne of Green Gables, you know what you're in for with this chapter. If you haven't, please remember that there is a 'Major Character Death' warning placed on this story.

* * *

The short visit from Matthew and Marilla, not to mention the weekend spent with Diana and Fred, were enough to propel Anne through her mid-terms. Spring break arrived shortly thereafter, and Anne was more than ready to spend a few blissful days back home. She spent the majority of her break at Green Gables, planting some flowers with Marilla and assisting Matthew with his garden. She spent a few afternoons with Diana, and even though she was genuinely happy for her best friend, she had to admit to herself that Diana prattling hours on end about Fred was getting to be a little annoying. Anne knew it wasn’t her fault. Diana was in love while Anne wasn’t, and truth be told, Anne was jealous. Diana was in the midst of her second real relationship while Anne had yet to experience her first. She couldn’t relate to the feelings Diana had for another person, and Anne had nearly driven herself crazy trying to imagine it.

On one warm spring evening, Bash, Mary, and Gilbert came over for dinner. It wasn’t out of the ordinary, but the moment she saw them, Anne knew they had some news. It wasn’t until after dessert that Bash finally told the Cuthbert’s that he had proposed to Mary and she accepted.

Anne was more than happy for them. She had felt a kinship with Bash from the moment she met him two years ago and she adored Mary, whom Bash started dating mere weeks after arriving in Avonlea. The couple told the Cuthbert’s that they didn’t want a long engagement. They wanted to get married in August, so while they insisted on a small wedding, there was little time to waste in planning it. Anne told Mary that she’d be more than happy to help, especially once she was home for the summer.

Anne had never attended a wedding before, let alone had helped to organize one. She knew Mary and Marilla would handle most of it, but Anne still wanted to help in any way she could. She had organized a few AVIS parties and decorated the parlour for several of Marilla’s ladies’ lunches over the years. She knew her creativity would come in handy when the time came.

So, as she sat in her dorm room on a Saturday night a few weeks later, she couldn’t help but to look up some potential ideas. She should have been working on her psychology paper, but, she reasoned, she had been working on it all day. She was allowed to take a little break, right? After all, Priscilla had gone home for the weekend, and aside from taking quick a break for lunch with Ruby and Jane hours earlier, Anne would have gone nearly 36 hours without any form of human contact.

She felt like a recluse these days, but with finals looming before her in a just few short weeks, she knew she needed to make one final push before her first year at Redmond was officially over.

She could hear several people conversing in the hallway outside her room, even more were scattered outside—off to a party, she presumed. It was Saturday night, after all. She couldn’t believe that her first year at Redmond was almost over. As much as she loved to learn, she had to admit that she was more than ready for a break from her academic schedule. She couldn’t wait to spend the summer planning the wedding, seeing everyone at home, and not having to concern herself with the dreadful fact that she’d have to take biology in the fall. 

She groaned as she leaned her head back. As she rubbed her aching neck, she sighed. Why was she already worrying about the next term? She had four months until those classes even began and only a few weeks to write these final papers and study for her exams. She briefly considered going over to the student union for a late-night snack but remembered that she usually made those trips with Pris or Cole, both of whom were out of town. She glanced at the clock on her computer. It was after midnight.

Anne wasn’t really tired, but her eyes were burning. Figuring it was as good a time as any to call it a night, she reached for her ear buds and cell phone after she closed the lid to her laptop. She padded over to her bed and laid down. She slipped her headphones on and scrolled through Spotify before she finally settled on a calming playlist Pris curated for her during midterms last October. 

It only took her a few minutes to fall asleep.

* * *

Anne wasn’t sure what time it was when her ringtone sharply echoed through the lone earbud that lingered in her left ear. She groaned as she fumbled around for her phone. She wasn’t sure what time it was but knew that whoever it was had better have a good reason to call before sunrise. She slowly opened one eyelid to check the caller ID. Her heart dropped when she saw a familiar name radiate from the device. 

She never called this late. Anne could feel a lump forming in the back of her throat as her hands began to quake. She didn’t have time to calm herself down, to hope that it wasn’t some horrific, life-altering, earth-shattering news. She knew she’d never be able to convince herself it was anything but. No good could come from a call so late and so out of the blue. “M-Marilla,” Anne stammered as her quaking hand brought the device to her ear. “W-What happened?”

* * *

Anne wasn’t entirely sure how she ended up there. She couldn’t remember the walk across campus and never once wondered why she couldn’t feel the frigid April air through the thin cotton tank top and shorts she wore. 

To be perfectly honest, she couldn’t feel anything. She couldn’t focus on anything. She couldn’t comprehend anything. It felt like how she always imagined an out of body experience would feel. She could feel the moisture on her face as tears cascaded down her flushed cheeks. She was vaguely cognizant of the fact that she gripped her dorm key in one hand and held her cell phone in the other, but other than that, she never once thought about how she looked, nor did she care, as she knocked on the door to his suite. 

It was just after 3AM, but she could tell that a light was on inside. Someone had to be awake in that room. Maybe someone was pulling an all-nighter? Couldn’t possibly be Moody or Charlie. Maybe, whoever it was, was entertaining a guest or something? Maybe the person she hoped would answer was fast asleep and Charlie would be the one to find her there?

She didn’t have a chance to turn around and rethink her non-existent thought process as the door suddenly swung open.

Gilbert was just about to call it a night when he heard a soft knock on the door. He figured it was probably Charlie, who had gone to a party several hours earlier. His roommate often forgot to grab his keys whenever he left the room, so Gilbert left their room door open in order to listen out for an all-too-familiar knock on door to their suite. He was slightly relieved when he first heard it. Moody’s snoring from the next room was about to drive him crazy. Gilbert chuckled as he walked toward the door. He wasn’t sure how Cole was ever able to get any sleep at all. 

All thoughts of his roommate were quickly forgotten when he opened the door. His smile vanished the moment he saw her.

He had seen Anne frazzled before, most recently during midterms, but this was something else entirely. Her eyes were bloodshot as tears cascaded down her cheeks. Her hair was haphazardly piled onto the top of her head and her face was expressionless and pale—oh God, she looked so pale. She shivered, and Gilbert suddenly noticed the goose bumps that peppered her bare arms. Had she walked across campus without putting a coat on? It was freezing out. “Anne? What happened? What’s wrong?”

It was a simple enough question, but for some reason Anne couldn’t quite comprehend it. She could barely make out his silhouette as her tear-filled eyes blurred her vision. She shook her head as she tried to push through the fog that overwhelmed her the moment Marilla uttered the worst sentence she had ever heard in her life. She knew she had to tell him what happened, but how could she when she didn’t believe the news herself? She took a deep breath before she squared her shoulders and braced herself for the fallout of acknowledging that the last thirty minutes weren’t some horrible nightmare. It took every ounce of energy she had to relay the tragic news to Gilbert. “Matthew died.”

It came out softer than a whisper, Anne could have sworn she screamed it, yet Gilbert heard every horrific syllable. Matthew, Anne’s adopted father, the only father figure she had ever known, died. It didn’t take a genius to figure out how close Anne was with both of her adopted parents, but there was something so special about the bond Anne formed with Matthew the moment she first arrived at Green Gables. Gilbert saw it. All of Avonlea saw it. And now, without warning, he was gone, and the girl who stood before him seemed just as lost as he had felt when his father died.

Without a second thought, Gilbert pulled her into his arms and walked them both into his room before he closed the door behind them. He never once let go of her. He expected her to fall apart, to cry, to vent, to react in _some_ way, but instead, she stood perfectly still, arms firmly planted at her side.

He wasn’t sure how long they stood frozen in place. Anne never returned the hug, yet Gilbert sensed that she needed his comfort. He wasn’t sure what to say. The news had taken him completely by surprise. He wasn’t nearly as close to Matthew as Anne had been, but Gilbert had always thought fondly of him. Matthew was one of the kindest souls he had ever met. Gilbert couldn’t recall a single time when the older gentleman uttered a hateful word about anyone. Of course, Rachel Lynde had a knack for getting under his skin at times, but their arguments seemed more sibling-like than anything else.

God.

He knew that there was nothing he could say to comfort her. In a flash, her entire world had been transformed forever and she needed time to process it all. He knew the best thing he could do for her was to just be there for her, in whatever capacity she needed for him to be.

A few minutes later, he reluctantly pulled away from her. Her silence hung heavy in the air between them. In the eight years he had known her, he had never known her to be quiet for this long. When he gazed into her stormy gray eyes, he could practically see the war that waged beneath her tear-filled stare. She looked lost, dazed, as if she didn’t know where or who she was anymore. 

She was in shock.

And it scared the shit out of him.

Anne blinked several times when she finally realized that he was staring at her. Slowly, she looked down at her phone, still gripped tightly in her right hand. Somehow, her grip on the device intensified. “I’m sorry,” she apologized.

Her tone was even softer than before, and Gilbert could feel his own heart breaking at the sound. Why on earth was she apologizing to him? “Anne, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

“It’s late,” she continued hoarsely as she tried to pull herself away from her borderline catatonic state. For the first time since she answered Marilla’s call, she swiped at the steady stream of tears that refused to stop falling from her eyes. She cleared her throat. “I…uh…I shouldn’t have come…but I…um…Pris is…out of town this weekend and I…I…didn’t want to wake Jane or Ruby and Phil…I…she hasn’t…met.” Her chest tightened. “I’m…I shouldn’t have—“

“Stop,” he gently commanded. He had never felt more helpless in his life and he hated it. “I told you before that I’m here. No matter when or…or what.”

“I…uh…I need to…go…home,” her voice finally cracked, the first sign of emotion she had been able to project aside from her seemingly endless tears.

“I’ll drive you,” he offered without missing a beat, grateful to be able to help her somehow. “We’ll leave right now.”

She was too despondent to argue, to insist that driving for four hours at 3:30 in the morning on no sleep was anything but a good idea. Instead, she simply nodded. She just wanted to be home, to see Marilla, to feel some sort of comfort, some sense of Matthew’s presence. 

Gilbert practically sprinted toward his closet. He reached for his duffel bag, nestled behind a couple of boxes on the top shelf, and began to stuff some clothes into it. He wasn’t sure how long he’d be in Avonlea or what it meant as far as his exams were concerned, but he didn’t really care. She needed him. He wasn’t about to abandon her. “Let me get a few things together, then we’ll get my car, go back to your place…you can pack whatever you need, and we’ll be in Avonlea before sunrise.” He wasn’t sure what all he threw into the bag. He just kept tossing clothes into it until it was finally full. 

Anne slowly sank down on Gilbert’s bed as she numbly watched him dash around the room. After he closed his laptop and slid it in his messenger bag, she shook her head as a moment of clarity finally dawned on her. “I’m sorry. Finals are coming up and I know you’ve got a few—"

Gilbert slid his biochemistry book into the bag before he turned to face her. “Stop apologizing and please don’t worry about me.”

Anne’s gaze slowly lowered to the ground while he finished grabbing everything he could think of off the top of his head. Finally, he threw the strap of the messenger bag over his head and slung the duffel bag over his shoulder before he reached for his phone and keys. He glanced at Anne for a brief moment before he opened up a drawer and pulled out a sweatshirt. He handed it to her. When she peered up at him in confusion, he elaborated. “It’s freezing outside.”

The pair said nothing as they walked toward Gilbert’s car and he drove them back to Anne’s dorm. He considered waiting in the car while she packed in case she wanted some time alone to think about what she needed to take with her, but when she looked at him questioningly after she unbuckled her seat belt, he realized that she expected him to follow her.

Aside from their first day on campus, Gilbert hadn’t stepped foot inside Anne’s dorm room. Of course, he had been by the building to meet up for various social outings with the others, but as they entered her darkened room, Gilbert felt as if he was getting a glimpse into the soul of the girl he had been in love with for almost as long as he had known her. 

“You can sit there,” she softly instructed as she gestured to her desk chair. Gilbert said nothing as he walked over to her desk and sat down while Anne went toward her closet to grab some clothes. 

As she was rummaging through her wardrobe, Gilbert took the opportunity to glance around the room. He smiled softly when he noticed the string of fairy lights and polaroid’s that hung over her bed. Images of Avonlea, and all of the people she loved in it, stared back at him. Strung up were several pictures of Matthew and Marilla, of Bash and Mary, and all of their friends, several of which had him in it. There was one photo in particular, taken at Christmas two years ago, that caught his attention. It was a group photo of the Cuthbert’s, Bash, and himself. They were all seated in the Cuthbert’s living room, around the tree. Matthew and Marilla had bought her a camera that year. She had always taken photos with her phone, but her interest in photography had grown over the prior months and they decided that Anne should have a camera of her own. The picture that hung up over her bed was a copy, printed out to look like a polaroid. The original hung in the Cuthbert’s living room. It had been the first photo she had taken with that camera.

“He had a heart attack.”

Gilbert cut his eyes back to her as she walked back into the room and sat her bag down on the unmade bed. 

“Marilla…Marilla said that he was in the field when it happened. She saw him walking back toward the house for supper and he just…fell.” She swallowed as she slowly sat down on the bed. “They went to the hospital and managed to stabilize him, but then...a-and…now…he’s…he’s gone.”

“Anne, I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah,” she glanced around her room and couldn’t help but to think that she should have been there. She should have been beside him. Maybe if she had been there, things would be different? The reasonable side of her knew that it wouldn’t have mattered, but she couldn’t think rationally right now. The only thing she could think about was getting home to Marilla. 

Gilbert could tell that she wanted to say more, but instead of speaking, she stood up, closed the lid of her laptop, and put it in her bag. 


	13. An Epoch in Anne's Life

  
Perhaps it was because it was the middle of the night and there had been no traffic. Perhaps it was because he drove at least 10 miles over the speed limit the entire way. Perhaps it was because he had made a promise to her and there was nothing on earth that could make him break it—even the threat of daylight—but as Gilbert turned down the dirt path that led them to Green Gables, he breathed a sigh of relief as the sun was just starting to peek behind the hillside. 

He did it. He managed to get her home by sunrise.

He had hoped that she’d get some much-needed rest along the way. He knew that she probably wouldn’t and would most likely spend the bulk of their journey trying to put everything into perspective. Maybe she’d open up to him about what she was feeling, only she didn’t.

In fact, she didn’t say anything.

She merely stared out of the passenger side window.

She barely moved. When they made a brief stop about halfway to Avonlea, she was so still that, for a moment, Gilbert could have sworn that she had fallen asleep, but one look over at her and he realized that she was wide awake. She was physically seated next to him, but he could tell that her mind was a million miles away.

He wasn’t sure who would be at the house, especially this early in the morning. He didn’t know if he should simply drop her off and give her some time to be with Marilla before returning to see where he was needed or if she wanted him to stay. 

Gilbert had barely put the car in park before the front door flew open and Mary dashed toward them. She made a direct beeline toward the passenger side. Anne had barely gotten out of the car before Mary wrapped her arms around her. “I’m so sorry,” she repeated over and over again to the redhead. 

“Thanks,” Anne muttered. She wanted to return the hug, wanted to convey how she felt at that moment, but she couldn’t feel anything. She felt numb.

“I’m sure you’re exhausted. I was finally able to convince Marilla to get some rest a few hours ago.”

Anne nodded. She turned around to get her bags, but Gilbert had already grabbed them for her.

“Where’s Bash,” he asked Mary.

“He tried staying awake, but he fell asleep on the couch in the living room about an hour ago.” Mary watched as Anne wordlessly wandered toward the house. She waited until Anne was inside before she turned back to Gilbert. “How is she?”

He sighed as he closed the door and walked around the car. “She’s in shock,” he responded as they walked toward the house together.

“Thank you for bringing her home.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” He looked down at her bags. “Listen, I’ll take these to her, go get us something to eat, then start making some phone calls. Who already knows?”

“Only a few people,” Mary admitted. “It happened so quickly. Rachel was with us at the hospital when he took a turn for the worse, so the Lynde’s know, but Marilla wanted Anne to know before…”

“…the rest of the town,” he sighed. “Ok. I’ll call our friends. Diana hasn’t contacted either of us, so I’m guessing the Barry’s don’t know yet.”

“You need to get some rest too,” Mary told him. “We can let everyone know later.”

“I’m fine,” he insisted. “I’ve stayed up several nights over the last year and besides…” he sighed, “I’d just…I’d rather stay busy right now. Help them out as much as I can.”

She gave him a small smile. “Me too.” She crossed her arms over her chest as they climbed up the stairs to the front porch. “He was such a sweet man. They don’t make them like that anymore.”

“No,” Gilbert began as Mary opened the door for him, “They certainly don’t.”

* * *

Even though he knew she’d be awake, he was sure to be quiet as he made his way upstairs and toward her room. Her door was open, but still, he purposefully shuffled his feet in order to make enough noise to avoid catching her off-guard. “Hey,” he greeted awkwardly as he came in with her bags. “I’m going to go into town in a little while…get some food. Anything in particular you might want?”

It was the slightest of gestures, but he saw the slight shake of her head. He figured that eating would be the last thing on her mind, but still, she would need to consume something at some point, right? He sat her luggage down at the end of her bed. “I’ll just guess then.”

Anne didn’t make a move. Gilbert opened his mouth to say something else, anything to fill the deafening silence of the room, but that was when he noticed it. Her hands gripped the comforter on either side of her as she stared out the window across from her. The moment he took a breath, her grip tightened as she twisted the quilt underneath her. As much as the silence unnerved him, he realized that being forced into conversation—even a one-sided one—was killing her.

She not only needed the quiet; she was going to snap without it.

“Get some rest,” he softly suggested before he turned away from her. 

Anne’s grip on the quilt tightened. She subconsciously held her breath until she heard the door click behind her. As she slowly exhaled, her grip slowly loosened. She took a deep breath before she forced herself to lay down. She knew sleep would still be a long time coming, but perhaps if she pretended, she wouldn’t be forced to engage in conversation with anyone—including Gilbert. 

In the back of her mind, she knew she’d forever be grateful that he came to her aid last night. She knew that he could have easily told her no or to wait until morning, but he didn’t. She thought she’d be able to process everything the moment she got home, but even though she had only been there a few minutes, she felt exponentially worse. Everything felt off. She felt off. Her entire world was completely askew. How was she ever supposed to ‘go back to normal’ after this? For the first time in her life, she didn’t want to talk, to be around anyone. She didn’t long for sunshine and protection of the White Way of Delight. She wanted darkness. She wanted the abyss.

She wanted the chance to tell him goodbye.

Anne closed her eyes as she willed herself to be transported back in time. It didn’t matter when or how, it just had to be at least twelve hours ago. 

It had to be long enough to see him one last time.

* * *

It was hours before anyone dared to check on her. For that small act of kindness, Anne was forever grateful. It was well after 2:00pm before she heard the familiar creak of her door as it opened. She kept up with the pretense of being asleep, even as she heard footsteps approach her bed, even as she felt the foot of her mattress dip down as the intruder sat down.

“You’re a brilliant actress,” the familiar voice softly began, “But I could always tell when you were actually asleep and when you were just pretending.”

Anne’s eyes snapped open and quickly sat up as she embraced her adopted mother.

Marilla wrapped her arms around the redhead, grateful that she was finally home. “I’m sorry I wasn’t awake when you got here.”

“It was late,” Anne responded her as she pulled away from her.

“Or early, as Mary told me.” She took a moment to really look at the girl across from her. Marilla had barely begun to process the events of the last day, so she knew that Anne must have a million questions for her. It wasn’t until the silence fell between them that she started to suspect that Anne was still in shock over the news. “I’m glad you’re home.”

Anne nodded before her gaze fell to her lap.

“Are you hungry? There’s plenty of food downstairs. Between Rachel, Ms. Barry, Mary, and Gilbert, I think we have enough to feed the entire town for a week.”

Anne shook her head. Food was the absolute last thing on her mind.

Marilla looked into her stormy eyes for a long moment. There was so much she wanted to say to the girl who had changed her entire world, but it was too soon. She was still trying to process the last 24 hours and the last thing she wanted was to break down in front of her adopted daughter, who seemed to be drowning under the weight of their loss. Luckily for them both, they were surrounded by friends whom they both considered to be family. It didn’t lessen the heartache, but it made Marilla feel a little less alone. “Diana’s here.”

For perhaps the first time in her life, Anne didn’t feel a rush excitement over those two words. In fact, she could barely acknowledge them. She wanted to be alone, to escape reality, to go back and see Matthew again.

One look into Marilla’s grief-stricken face and Anne realized she wasn’t about to give Marilla another reason to worry. She had enough to deal with right now. The last thing she needed was to worry about her. So, Anne drew upon her skills as an actress and nodded her head. “Ok.”

She wasn’t sure how long she’d have to fake it, to pretend to be normal, but for Marilla’s sake, she’d try to keep up the pretense until she felt more like herself again—whatever that meant.

* * *

The sheer volume of people that drifted in and out of Green Gables over the following days was nothing short of overwhelming for the despondent redhead. She couldn’t bear to be in the same room with just one person, let alone be forced to converse with half of the town. She knew they were paying their respects and she appreciated the thought, but it drained what little energy she had. The circles around her eyes darkened as sleep continued to elude her. It felt as if she were choking on nails with every word she spoke and the half-hearted smile she managed to muster every time someone offered her condolences made her want to vomit.

Everyone around her meant well, but all she wanted was to escape the world she now found herself in.

Diana never picked up on the fact that Anne had retreated into her subconscious. While she had spent the last few nights at Green Gables, Diana drove back to Charlottetown in the mornings in order to attend class. She initially offered to stay with Anne the entire week, but at Anne’s insistence, she made the short drive to Queen’s every day that week. Anne tried to get her to stay in Charlottetown, but Diana refused. Anne had been there for her all during her parents’ divorce a few years earlier. The least she could do was to see Anne through her grief.

Or, so she thought.

With every forced smile, with every word she managed to choke out, Anne felt herself slowly fade away.

The day before the funeral, Anne finally stepped foot outside the main house, only to escape to the barn. Her Redmond friends would be arriving that evening and just for a few short hours, she wanted the chance to breathe—to be alone—to figure out how to live in a world that seemed so much darker now.

She climbed up into the barn loft, the place she used to hide out at when life seemed a little overwhelming. It was the place she escaped to the day she smacked Gilbert with her tablet, the day Diana’s mother forbade Diana from speaking to her, and countless times that she was mercilessly teased about the fact that she had no family. It was there that Matthew found her the day she accidentally dyed her hair green. 

Of course, things eventually improved, but she endured many growing pains during those first few years in Avonlea. However, no matter what obstacle she faced, Matthew and Marilla were there for her. They were her anchor, her home. 

And now, he was gone.

It had been years since she felt the need to escape to the loft, to hide from the world, but here she was. As she laid down and stared up at the wooden beams overhead, she began to negotiate with any deity that would hear her plea. Give him back. Give him back and she would happily be the town pariah once more. She could handle any amount of bullying if it only meant that she could come home and see his friendly face one last time.

She knew it wasn’t possible, but why couldn’t it be? Why couldn’t she live in a world where miracles happened—where people weren’t forced to go through life without those they loved?

Just as she closed her eyes in order to escape reality for a bit, she heard the barn door slowly creak open. She remained perfectly still. She wanted to be alone and as far as she knew, no one saw her slip out of the house. She squeezed her eyes shut as she hoped whoever it was would just leave.

“Anne?”

Her eyes slowly opened. Her frown deepened when she heard his voice. Was she dreaming?

“Anne, are you up there?”

Anne sat up before she peer over the ledge. There he stood. He wasn’t the same as when he left—lanky and insecure. Even from where she sat, she could tell that he had bulked up and judging by his posture, she could tell that he seemed much more certain of himself than when he left nearly a year ago.

“Jerry?” Her throat ached from the effort.

Jerry peered up at the redhead with a sympathetic half-smile. “Hey,” he awkwardly greeted. There was so much he wanted to say to her, to apologize for. It would take hours, if not days, to explain everything that he had been unable to up until now, but as he watched her slowly come down the stairs, he realized that he no longer knew Anne as well as he had before. She had been like a sister to him and when he left, he abandoned her just like he abandoned—he swallowed. Anne had gone off to college, had all of these new experiences and memories that he hadn’t been a part of. They didn’t really know one another anymore.

As she came face to face with him, Jerry figured that she’d either start screaming or start hitting him, but as if to reaffirm the fact that he didn’t know her as well as he used to, he was completely shocked when she just stood still.

He had never known the redhead to be silent. “My mother told me about…and I came as soon as I could.”

Anne forced herself to nod in recognition.

“Anne, I know that we have a lot to talk about. I—”

“Don’t.” She took a deep breath in an attempt to muster up the energy to speak. “Now’s not…I’m not…it doesn’t really matter…anymore.” She slowly exhaled. “Thank you…for coming.”

“You know I’d come. I loved him, too. He’s…he’s who I hope to be one day.”

She wanted to lash out, to scream that Matthew wouldn’t just leave without telling anyone, but she didn’t have the heart to. Despite the fog she found herself living in, she could tell that he was devastated. Despite his newly rugged exterior, Anne noticed the red rims around his slightly bloodshot eyes. He was grieving too and the last thing he needed, or deserved right now, was to be scolded about something that happened a year ago.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew that it took a lot of nerve for him to come back to Avonlea. While Anne found herself questioning a lot of things, she could never question how much Jerry loved Matthew.

He was here. He was hurting. And even though Anne couldn’t feel much of anything, she still had enough compassion to welcome him back with open arms.

* * *

She didn’t have to explain Jerry’s reemergence to Diana. Thankfully, after Jerry spoke to the small group inside the house, Gilbert stepped outside to call Diana. He watched as Jerry went into the barn. He must have held his breath the entire time as he sharply exhaled the moment Anne and Jerry exited nearly half an hour later.

Maybe he had overstepped when he called Diana, but truth be told, he wasn’t thinking about that. He knew Anne well enough to know that she was putting on a façade for everyone. He wasn’t sure why, but he knew that she wasn’t in the right frame of mind to explain Jerry’s sudden reappearance and Gilbert knew that Diana’s reaction would be explosive, to say the least.

It took a few minutes, but eventually, Gilbert was able to calm Diana down. He couldn’t tell if she was angry or upset or perhaps a mixture of both, but he reminded her that her unresolved issues with Jerry didn’t matter right now. The funeral was the following day and she needed to be there for Anne and the last thing Anne needed was to be thrown in the middle of something that happened last year.

Diana acquiesced because, of course, all she wanted was to be there for her best friend, but that didn’t make the thought of seeing Jerry again any easier. She had moved on. She was dating someone else, but deep down, she knew that things were still unresolved with him. She wasn’t sure what she’d feel when she saw him, and she hated that it took something like this to bring everyone back together. She always knew she’d see Jerry again, but did it have to be under these circumstances?

As several of Anne’s friends arrived at Green Gables that evening, Marilla felt a little more at ease. Granted, several of her friends had come and gone over the last few days, but now she had even more of a support system surrounding her.

As they continued to receive visitors well into the evening, Gilbert suggested that their friends go to his house for a few hours. After having spent the majority of his time at Green Gables since their arrival, he was ready for a break and knew that Anne must be as well. He thought that if anyone could offer Anne a little respite from her grief, it would be her friends.

From the moment they arrived, Gilbert could tell that it had been a mistake. Anne seemed to be even more on edge, more anxious, more somber than before. He had hoped that by having Cole, Phil, Pris, and the others there along with Diana and Fred, she could put everything out of her mind for a little while, but he should have known better. She seemed even more disconnected, despite the half-hearted smile that seemed to be etched onto her face.

He knew that smile all too well. He recognized the pretense she was trying to keep up.

He recognized it because he had done the exact same thing when his father died.

No one else seemed to notice. She chuckled at the appropriate times, she welcomed sympathy at the right moments, she even offered gratitude to everyone for making the journey to Avonlea to be with her. She smiled as Phil described the perfection of Patty’s Place to Diana and Fred and how they wouldn’t have to sleep on a dorm floor when they visited next year. They all spoke of the future, how Cole was going to spend the summer in Vancouver and Phil was going to Europe to see her cousins. She and Diana quickly bonded over their favorite Parisian cafes, while Charlie lamented the thought of spending the entire summer in Avonlea. Jane merely shook her head and reminded him of the beauty of the island they called home. 

It was at that point that Moody asked Gilbert about Trinidad and all of the other ports he had stopped at along the way. Gilbert never said much about that time in his life, but given the subject at hand, Moody seized the opportunity to ask him about his favorite stop along the way.

Gilbert looked to Anne, who seemed to be lost somewhere on the other side of the world, adrift in the recesses of memories of her adopted father. He knew he couldn’t call any attention to it. Anne would absolutely resent him for it. So instead, he decided to play along, to act like everything was ok when he knew that the worst was yet to come.

He admitted that while they didn’t make many stops on the way to Trinidad, he enjoyed Aruba, but that he had the most fun in Trinidad because Bash grew up there and knew where to go to while they were there. He spoke of how beautiful the beaches were and that it offered him some much needed clarity as far as what he wanted to do with this life. He paused, unwilling to divulge any more information about other things he realized while he was there. Instead, he leaned back in his seat and glanced at Charlie. “Even before dad died, we traveled a lot, and he told me something that I’m finding to be more and more true the older I get. ‘There’s nowhere else in the world quite like Avonlea.’ It’s…home.”

The group seemed to take that to heart as a brief silence descended upon them. Finally, Cole chuckled. “I have a lot of reasons to never come back here, but it’s because of you guys that I do. That, and those incredible cliffside views.”

Ruby wrapped her arm around his shoulders. “We love you, Cole.”

“I’m amazed,” Phil told the group. “All of you guys…you all grew up together and to be as close as you are…it’s rare. I know we’re only a year removed from high school, but still…you all seem so close.”

Diana reached for her cell phone in order to see what time it was. When she noticed that she had received a text, she frowned.

“I only talk to about three people I went to high school with,” Pris told the others.

“Diana,” Jane began when she noticed the worried look on her friend’s face. “What’s wrong?”

Diana looked up at her. “Nothing.” She stood up and quickly slipped her phone into her back pocket. “Can I get anyone anything to drink?”


	14. The Round of Life

Matthew Cuthbert was laid to rest in the family cemetery alongside the edge of the property. Anne had only ventured out to the space a few times since her arrival at Green Gables all those years ago, but as she looked down at Matthew’s final resting place, she knew that she would spend a lot more time there. He had a wonderful view of the farm he so dearly loved and spent his entire life cultivating. He was also nestled against the Haunted Wood. Perhaps, she wondered, he’d visit her one day.

Halfway through the service, she felt Marilla’s hand reach out to clasp hers, and in that moment, Anne could’ve sworn it was the only thing keeping her tethered to the earth.

She didn’t cry. She hadn’t cried since she left Halifax. Even after the service ended and she felt Marilla gently nudge her back toward Green Gables, she didn’t cry. Matthew wasn’t in the ground. Oh no. Someone has beautiful as Matthew Cuthbert could never be confined to a wooden box for all of eternity. 

He was everywhere now.

The problem was that she couldn’t see him, couldn’t talk to him, and certainly wasn’t able to hug him. This wasn’t the first loss she had ever experienced, but it was the only one she had actually cared about.

What was she supposed to do now? How was she supposed to move on? How could she leave Marilla and go back to Redmond? 

Redmond. 

School was the absolute last thing on her mind. She could barely breathe right now, let alone think about going back to class. She didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to leave Green Gables.

She didn’t want to leave him.

* * *

Diana had managed to successfully ignore nearly half a dozen of texts and calls over the last 24 hours; however, during Matthew’s service, her gaze slowly drifted over to her ex-boyfriend. He had changed a lot over the last 11 months. Even without saying a single word to him, she noticed that he seemed more reserved. They hadn’t been in the same room with one another in nearly a year, and yet, here he was—just a few feet away as he stood beside Marilla, and she stood protectively behind Anne.

When Jerry turned around to begin the slow trek back to the house, their eyes met and Diana realized that she couldn’t ignore him forever.

As she walked alongside her mother and sister, she pulled out her phone and texted him. She wasn’t sure if he’d respond, but when he immediately answered ‘yes’ to her question mere seconds after she hit ‘send’, her heart lurched. She was dating someone else now. In fact, she was beginning to suspect that she was in love with Fred and yet, here she was, about to come face to face with her past—with the guy she once thought she’d spend the rest of her life with.

There were dozens of people scattered throughout the farmhouse. As soon as they got back, Gilbert asked Fred and a few of the other guys to help him move some of the furniture around in the parlour in order to fit more folding chairs so that more people could sit down. Diana’s mother and sister were engaged in some sort of conversation with Rachel Lynde. She wasn’t sure where Anne disappeared to, not that she’d exactly be clamoring for company right now. Diana knew that something was off with her best friend, but she figured that is was all part of the grief process. Anne was in mourning and Diana knew she would be for a long time. She wished she knew what to say in order to bring some sort of comfort to her, but this was unfamiliar territory. Her father’s parents and her mother’s father passed away long before Diana was born. She had never experienced any sort of familial loss—or any loss for that matter. The greatest tragedy that had befallen her family was her parents’ divorce and while she had struggled to come to terms with it at the time, looking back, it had been the best decision for everyone. Her father was blissfully happy in Toronto and her mother had recently begun to date again, which seemed weird at first, but she seemed happy, and that was all Diana wanted for them.

It killed Diana to know that she wasn’t able to ease the pain she was feeling right now. Anne always knew the right thing to say and do whenever she was upset, but now that their roles were reversed, Diana felt completely helpless.

Now, as she wandered down toward the barn, she knew she was about to face her past head on. The timing wasn’t right, but she wasn’t sure if the opportunity would ever present itself again. He was stationed in Charlottetown, Diana was well aware of that, yet, their paths never crossed. The city was apparently large enough to prevent an encounter thus far, but she figured that her luck would eventually wear out. Deep down she knew that before she could fully move on with Fred, she had to make peace with the past.

She held her breath as she opened the barn door.

His back was turned toward her as he slowly wandered around the barn that he had practically spent his childhood in. He ran his hand over Matthew’s work bench and sighed. He wasn’t sure how to process all of the regret he felt at the moment. He had reached out to Matthew a few times over the last year, but it didn’t feel like enough. It wasn’t enough. And now, he was gone. Jerry had lost his own father when he was just eight years old. Matthew Cuthbert had been the only other father figure he had ever known and now, he was gone.

Diana took a shaky breath when she saw him. She wasn’t certain that he had heard her enter. If he had, he didn’t call attention to it as he slowly sank down into Matthew’s chair. “Jerry?” Her tone was timid, unsure, completely different than the tone that echoed through her mind whenever she thought about their inevitable confrontation.

He turned to face her, his skin pale, his eyes full of tears. He tried to control them, to insure that they wouldn’t fall, but as Diana took a step closer to him, his will finally buckled.

Despite the anger and the amount of betrayal she felt, she rushed toward him as his face contorted into a look of raw anguish. She wrapped her arms around him, and he quickly reciprocated. It was an act of compassion, of kindness. Something he knew he didn’t deserve—especially coming from her.

* * *

Her bathroom was, quite literally, the only place she could escape to. By some miracle, she managed to slip away from her friends and make it to her bathroom without anyone noticing her departure. The moment she closed the door, she spun around and slid down to the cold tile floor. She leaned her head back against the door and closed her eyes. 

She hadn’t cried. Not even once. She never came close to it. Even afterward, as countless mourners hugged her and sobbed on her shoulder, she found herself comforting them instead of the other way around. Anne wasn’t sure how to grieve, she had never really done it before, but weren’t there supposed to be tears? Wasn’t she supposed to get angry? Wasn’t she supposed to fall apart?

Wasn’t she supposed to feel something—anything?

She was so grateful for everyone who attended. She knew she had an incredible support system, but Anne was ready for the stillness again. Her friends’ appearance only reminded her that she’d have to go back to Redmond to finish the semester. She’d be forced to leave Green Gables, if only for a few short weeks. She knew she’d be rewarded with a summer at home, but Anne wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about that either.

Home didn’t feel like home anymore.

Maybe it was the revolving door of visitors over the last few days, or perhaps it was some sort of side effect of the emotional numbness she found herself drowning in.

Maybe Green Gables would never feel quite like home again.

Anne took a deep breath as she slowly opened her eyes and looked down at the black dress she wore. Diana lent it to her because Anne didn’t own a black dress. She never felt the need for one.

As she studied the floral lace overlay, she wondered how long she could hide out before someone missed her? Was someone already looking for her or were there just so many people milling about downstairs that everyone came to the conclusion that she’d eventually turn up?

She didn’t want to hear any more condolences or hollow pledges to help her through this. She didn’t want to hug anyone. She didn’t want to talk to anyone.

She just wanted to be alone.

She needed the silence.

Pretending to be strong, to act like death was a natural part of life, was destroying her soul. There was nothing natural about what happened. He was here one minute and gone the next and Anne couldn’t comprehend why. Why did it have to be him? He was the kindest, gentlest soul on the planet and his reward for that was to die? It made no sense, but maybe that was the whole point.

With every passing day, she could feel herself retreat further away from everyone, including Marilla. Perhaps, the numbness was some sort of defense mechanism. Perhaps, she was simply broken. Perhaps she felt so much in that one awful moment that something inside of her snapped, rendering her unable to express basic human emotion. She hadn’t felt one ounce of joy since Marilla told her the news, but she knew that was to be expected. But ever since she arrived, she hadn’t felt anything at all: sorrow, despair, anger, grief. For someone who always felt everything so intensely, Anne Shirley Cuthbert now felt nothing.

While that harrowing thought once would be the stuff of nightmares, Anne couldn’t seem to muster enough energy to care.

She eagerly welcomed the solitude she so desperately craved. She didn’t have to pretend to care when she was alone. She didn’t have to think about what to say or how to act. She could just cease to exist for a little while.

* * *

“I’m sorry,” Jerry apologized once again. He sighed as he wiped the last of the tears away from his eyes. “That’s not how I…this isn’t how…”

“Yeah,” Diana nodded as her gaze fell toward the ground. “Me too.”

“Look, I don’t know…um…I know this isn’t the right time or place for this but…I don’t know when or…or even if I’ll ever have the chance again.”

Diana swallowed as she kept her gaze firmly fixated on the ground beneath her. She crossed her arms over her chest and rocked back on her heels as she waited for him to continue. When he didn’t, she looked over at him. “It’s fine,” she said softly. “I wasn’t sure this day would ever come so…it’s fine that the timing is…bad.”

“I know I hurt you,” he swallowed before he made eye contact with her. He had been planning for this moment for nearly a year and even though he had every word of his meticulously crafted speech memorized, suddenly, it didn’t seem to matter anymore. His head was swimming with thoughts of Matthew, of what he had done to Diana, of how much his heart ached at the mere sight of her. This could very well be the last conversation they ever had. He knew he had to speak from the heart.

It was now or never.

“I know you’ll never believe me when I tell you this, but…I hurt myself more.” When Diana opened her mouth to correct him, he quickly continued. “I loved you…more than I thought I could love…anyone. We were friends and…and it happened so slowly that I don’t even know when it happened. I can tell you the moment I realized it, though. The second I knew that I’d do anything for you.”

It took every ounce of strength he had not to fall at her feet and beg for her forgiveness. He wasn’t entirely convinced that she wouldn’t smack him if he took so much as a single step toward her. So instead, he shoved his hands into the front pockets of the suit he purchased just two days earlier and continued. “I always knew that your father was concerned about us…about our relationship. For years, I just thought it was because he knew no one would ever be good enough for his daughter.” He paused as he tried to collect his thoughts. “About a month before prom…when he was here to drop off Em, he came by Green Gables and stood…almost exactly where you’re standing now…and told me that I wasn’t good enough for you. He told me that I was holding you back from reaching your full potential…that you had an entire life before you…that you had given up the chance to study in Europe in order to go to Queen’s…because of me. He told me that I wouldn’t amount to anything. I…I never wanted to go to college like everyone else did. I wanted to become a farmer…like Matthew…but I never thought that by choosing that life, I’d be holding you back.”

Several emotions ran through Diana as Jerry spoke. She never knew about any of this. She didn’t know that her father had sought Jerry out, that he thought so little of him. Of course, she knew that he wasn’t very pleased about their relationship, but she always thought it was because he was the first boy she had ever dated. “Jerry, I never—”

“I know.” He already knew that she didn’t feel the same way. “But the thought that I could be holding you back from…from experiencing life…it was eating me up inside. I knew that you weren’t getting along well with him at the time, and…and the last thing I wanted was to make things worse by telling you what he said. Besides I…I understood where he was coming from. I mean…he’s right. You were meant for more. You deserve so much, Diana…much more than I could have given you. Every day, I see that more and more. I began to wonder if you could be happy with me…with living on a farm in Avonlea. I used to see the future so clearly, but as the weeks went on, it got harder and harder. I wasn’t sure what my options were…but I knew I needed to prove myself. I wasn’t sure what to do, where to go…I just knew what I had to do. My brother had been in the military and while it wasn’t my first choice, I knew that it would bide me some time to…to figure it out. To figure out how to be worthy of you.”

Tears filled Diana’s eyes despite the incredulous look she had on her face. She had no idea.

“I wasn’t planning on leaving during prom. I really wasn’t. I wanted to have a wonderful night with you, but I knew I couldn’t ask you to wait while I tried to figure things out. It wouldn’t have been fair to you. You were going to college. You didn’t need me to hold you back from enjoying it…from going out, making friends, meeting…new people.” He swallowed. “I was able to pretend that everything was ok for a while, but by the time prom rolled around, I…I couldn’t hide it anymore. And…you knew something was wrong. I could see it in your eyes. You looked so beautiful that night, Diana…and I was so in love with you that I wanted nothing more than to propose right then and there.”

Diana blinked as the tears she held back finally spilled over her eye lids. “P-Propose? As in…”

Jerry nodded. “That was when I realized that if I didn’t leave…I’d end up ruining your life. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t be selfish like that with you. I’d do anything for you and...at the time…I thought that by leaving I would be helping…that I’d be giving you the world you deserve.”

Diana closed her eyes as she rubbed her forehead. It felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. She remembered the pain of that night all too well. It was a technicolor memory she wished she could forget but knew she never would. He had been her first—and only—heart break. “You didn’t give me the world when you left. You destroyed it.” She wrapped her arms around herself and began to pace in front of him as she remembered the agony of the following months. “That summer I cried…every day. Every single day I cried over you. And just when I thought I had run out of tears, more came and the entire time I wondered what I did to make you leave.” She shook her head. “Why now? It’s been almost a year. At any point, you could have—”

“I was scared. I know that’s not…not a very good reason, but I was scared to see you again...scared to hear your voice. And now Matthew’s gone and in the last few days I go from missing him to…to missing you.”

“So…what? What do you want?”

It felt as if his heart was beating out of his chest as he held her gaze. “You.”

* * *

It was well past 10:00pm by the time the last of the visitors left. The Redmond contingent had departed for Halifax, while Gilbert, Bash, and Mary stayed behind to help with the aftermath. At their insistence, Marilla went to bed. Mary tried to convince Anne to do the same, but she quietly insisted that she was perfectly fine.

As Mary finished up with the dishes, Gilbert and Bash loaded the folding chairs they borrowed for the service into the back of Bash’s truck. 

“I think that’s everything,” Mary told the two men as she descended the front porch stairs. 

“Did Anne go to bed?”

Mary shook her head. “She’s in the kitchen.”

Gilbert rubbed the back of his neck. They hadn’t really spoken since the night he brought her home. He wasn’t entirely sure how she was doing at the moment. They would have to go back to Redmond in a few short days and while he knew she wouldn’t be able to escape any line of questioning during their four-hour commute, he reminded himself that the funeral was only a few short hours ago. She had been constantly surrounded by numerous people for the last few days, but now that everyone was gone, she’d be forced to be alone with her thoughts for the first time since it happened.

“Go on,” Bash encouraged. When Gilbert turned toward him, curious as to how he could have possibly known that he wanted to stay for a little while longer, Bash gave him a half-smile.

* * *

Gilbert immediately made a beeline for the kitchen, unsure about what he was going to say to her. She was probably sick of the sympathetic glances and endless condolences—he remembered all too well how he felt when his father passed away—but for some strange reason, he still felt a need to remind her that she wasn’t alone in this.

When he entered the kitchen, he frowned. She wasn’t there. 

Had she gone to bed? 

Just as he was about to leave, he spotted movement from outside. When he peered out of the window above the sink, he spotted her on the porch swing Matthew and Jerry built for her nearly five years earlier. Her bare feet were curled up underneath her. She had changed into a pair of leggings and the sweatshirt he handed her the night they left Halifax. Her hair was piled on top of her head, much in the same way it was that night. She held a glass of water in one hand, while the other rested on one of the wooden planks underneath her.

She almost looked serene.

He took a deep breath before he finally opened the back door. “I think we’ve got everything.” That was a casual enough opening, wasn’t it? They had spent the last hour cleaning up the parlour, living room, and kitchen. It only made sense to check in with her one final time to see if there was anything else he could do to help.

Anne nodded as she kept her attention focused on the field in front of her. It was dark and she could only make out the silhouette of the beautiful hills in front of her. Somewhere in the midst of that darkness was the exact spot where he fell. Was it on that darkened hill behind the barn or was it the one by the pasture?

“Is there anything else you need for us to do?”

She shook her head. “Thanks.”

She seemed to be lost in a daze. God, he hated this. “Yeah.”

She could feel his eyes on her. That annoying little sixth sense she slowly developed when he came back almost two years ago was beginning to become harder and harder to ignore. “I mean it.” Her guard shot up as she forced herself to revert back to Anne Shirley Cuthbert, the girl she should be. “We would have been lost with your help.” She took a sip of water, her throat suddenly dry. “You, Bash, Mary…I could never repay—”

“It’s not about repaying us,” he told her as he walked closer to where she sat. When she slid over, he took it as a silent invitation to sit beside her. Under any other circumstances, he would marvel at the fact that it took five years for him to sit with her on the porch swing Matthew built, but right now, that didn’t matter. “Anne, like it or not, we’ve been friends for a long time. I know you’ll never admit that, but I seem to remember you coming by my house shortly after my father died.”  
  
Anne glanced over at him. Did he really think that she wanted to talk right now? It felt like all she had been doing for the last four days was this—pretending to be interested in endless conversations with everyone she knew.

“You brought me…a casserole,” he continued, ignoring the annoyed look on her face. Maybe she wanted to be alone, maybe not, but Gilbert needed to speak his piece. After that, he promised himself he’d leave her alone to grieve in any way she wanted.

“Ruby and Diana made it,” she huffed as she sat the glass down and turned to face him. “I barely helped. I’m not...I’m a horrible cook.”

He nodded. “Maybe, but still…you helped. You did something nice for me.”

She frowned. “I would have done that for anyone.”

Gilbert smirked. “You wouldn’t have done it for Billy Andrews.”

“Billy Andrews is a pig.” She cleared her throat. “Do you know that he asked me out on date a few months ago?”

No. Gilbert absolutely did not know that. “I thought he and Josie were…”

“So did Josie.” Anne shuddered. “At least she was able to get out of it before…before they got married or something.”

The pair was silent for a moment. Gilbert attempted to calmly digest that little bit of news while also trying to think of a way to converse with the girl seated next to him. “Don’t leave me in suspense,” he raised a playful eyebrow, “What did you say?”

She wrinkled her nose in disgust. “Not even if the future of the entire world depended on it.”

Gilbert figured as much. “I have to say…I’m kind of offended.” When she stared blankly at him for a moment, he chuckled. “I mean, you wouldn’t even try to save me?”

“Not if it meant spending any amount of time alone with Billy Andrews.” She tucked a loose tendril behind her ear.

As he watched her pull the sleeves of the sweatshirt over her hands, he gently smiled. “I like your sweatshirt, but I must say that it looks awfully familiar…”

Anne knew exactly what he was trying to do. To be honest, it had been the best attempt anyone had made to get her mind off of everything. It didn’t work, but she appreciated the effort. “It’s pretty comfortable. You might not ever get it back, Blythe.”

He chuckled. “Fine by me.”

“I wasn’t being serious.”

“Well, I am.” He shrugged in attempt to seem indifferent. “I’ve been meaning to get rid of some things. If you like it, keep it.”

She looked down at the sweatshirt. “Are you sure?”

He nodded. In another lifetime, under a completely different set of circumstances, he’d tell her that it looked so much better on her. It was a ridiculously cheesy line that he knew she’d roll her eyes at, but God, it was the truth. 

“Thanks.” She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. As Anne looked across the field from her, she began to relax. She could feel her guard slowly slip away as detachment washed over her once more. The silence between them was almost comforting.

Gilbert watched as her stoicism slowly returned. He wanted to pry, to get her to open up about what she was thinking, what she was feeling, but knew it was too soon for that. Maybe she didn’t know how she felt, but even if she did, he didn’t presume to be the person she’d want to share it with. When his father died, he embraced solitude, but he also longed for this: for someone to sit with him in unspoken solidarity.


End file.
